13/14 year old boys drama

[Midlandsatnight]

Does anyone else have a 13 or 14 year old boy (year 9) who has drama going on with other boys?
Boys accusing each other of saying stuff they haven't said. Or accusing other boys of doing stuff they haven't done. Certain boys lying about all sorts of shit, I'm talking blatant lies that get the other person in to trouble. Tempers flaring. Then there's the personal insults they throw at each other, I'm always hearing that someone's said to someone "You're ugly" "You're weird" "you're a freak" "Nobody likes you" "shut up you idiot" "you don't fit in". DS gets this stuff said to him and so do various other boys. But then the next day the same boys who said it are chatting normally to the person they said the insults to like nothing happened. Ripping the piss out of others. Ripping the piss out of other kids' dads "Your dad's X Y Z (insert insult) ha ha ha ha". Playfighting at breaktime which always goes wrong and ends up with problems. Mocking. OMG the mocking. Banter with no filter. Arguing, lots of it. Then the mums get involved and start texting each other "Your DS said blah blah blah tell them to stay away from my DS" when their own DS is every bit in the wrong as the DS they've texted the mum about. This has happened to me numerous times now, mums texting me to rant at me about stuff my DS has said to their DS. When I ask my DS about what is said in these texts, he admits yeah he said that stuff and then reels off a load of way more horrible stuff the other boy said to him in the first place which is why he retaliated. This has happened with 2 different boys now. Then there's the misinterpretation of stuff where boys go home and tell their mum "Stan said X Y Z or Ollie did X Y Z" the mum then slams another mum by text or reports to HoY who contacts parent but then it turns out things were misreported, misinterpreted, exaggerated. I'm always hearing from other school mums about stuff like this going on.
I mean I had a situation where another mum texted me and said to me "I'm livid with your DS. Sam has just come home crying his eyes out with his new iPhone smashed up cos your DS pounced on him, physically attacked him, hit him, shoved him up against a fence and smashed his phone up then ran off". She was so angry. I replied that this behaviour would be completely out of character for my DS who simply doesn't behave in this way. She accused me of lying and not facing up to what my DS had done. I started feeling sick thinking what the hell has DS done? He came home, I asked him about it, he said he didn't know anything about this, I was trying to work out if he was telling the truth and it all got pretty stressful because the mum maintained what she said. 5 hours later she texted me "Sam has admitted it was nothing to do with your DS. He dropped his new phone and it smashed. He thought he was going to get into trouble with us so he made up a story to lie about it so that he didn't get into trouble.". No apology. Nothing. I was like WTAF??? Who accuses another kid of assault when they didn't do it? Worst thing is, she texted other mums to tell them my DS did this, but then 'didn't get round' to texting them back again to correct the story once her DS confessed because by then she was "busy" with her DS. So my DS was left with other mums thinking he'd done that!
Before Christmas a boy told another boy that my DS said xenophobic stuff about him. HoY investigated and concluded my DS never said this stuff and that the boy who said my DS said it was in fact the person who said it himself.
It seems like an insane level of shit going on almost all the time. Is all this sort of stuff this usual??!

Not with the boys no but that kind of behaviour is a lot more common in girl groups in my experience.

Not the case for my 13 yo. No dramas at all really. Or fallouts.

DS was bullied until year 8 and recognise some of that behaviour. It calmed down in y9.

I think the accusing kids of saying something bad (often a huge exaggeration or deliberate misunderstanding) and over reacting is part of the bullying I've seen at school. For example, DS is autistic and was tricked/confused into saying something and then they went mad and called him racist which he most definitely isn't. The senco got involved and sorted it but it's had a lasting impact on ds. He is very worried about saying the wrong thing.

Another example his friend is very tall and clumsy. He accidentally bashed his bag into a girl when moving between classrooms and then it became 'he pushed her downstairs and beats girls up'.

Girls have done it too so I don't think it is specific to boys. I think we are in a world of social media fuelled drama. Kids are emulating it and their parents. I think you've kind of answered your own question though. That mum is behaving badly so how will her kid be any different?

I'm a lecturer and my students are super dramatic. One said I was slandering another one this week when he hadn't returned on time after break. 😆

Secondary teacher so had experience of this in the classroom and as head of year. In the end I got the group in a room and ran a course 😄 🤣 which sounds mad now but m, with mum's like that they have learnt to blame, avoid, deny. Then others join in for protection, to pass the attention to someone else, to feel included. The boys and their families were warned that if further incidents happened that required investigation then consequences would follow as it was making students feel unsafe in the school and wasting staff members time as students weren't considering the consequences of their words, if they spoke like that in the workplace consequences would also happen. And I followed through, with parents invited in for meetings every time and they got very bored of that.

But you're the mum in the situation, so you have two steps to take.
Hoy- speak to them and share your concerns. You can't make the school do anything and times have changed so this isn't the stuff HOY have time to focus on in some schools.
2) prepare your son. Teach him what is and isn't acceptable. Teach him.about making other friends,- skills on how to talk to new people, and slowly integrate into a different social circle. Talk to him about what is and isn't acceptable- not saying you're not doing that. However, probably to feel oart of the group and for protection, he is joining in and is part of the problem.
At 14 I was in a similar friend group, girls. My parents and nan taught me and gave me the confidence to get new friends. One of the other girls ended up following me when she saw it all worked out and we are still friends.

Year 9 was the worst year in school by miles for both my boy and girl. Luckily nothing too serious and they were able to navigate it themselves but I was on Mum listening and comforting duty an awful lot. Remember they've all got raging hormones, including the ones who are behaving like little scumbags.

A lot of this sounds familiar! But not the mums texting each other part - to be fair don’t know most of them so couldn’t anyway - but probably just helps fuel the drama. Happy to report y10 has been waaaay better

Adolescent drama is and always has been pretty normal, however if you are concerned that the conflict appears serious, or your DC are suffering then absolutely contact the school.

Mums texting other mums because 14 year old boy said "xyz" to other 14 year old boy is a modern phenomenon and tbh rarely improves the situation.