Birthday present for a teen boy in care

[FireHD]

DD is 14 and a new boy started in her year a few weeks ago, on a managed move but could become permanent. She started speaking to him because he always sits on his own during lunch and “seems sad”. She found out he's in care and they have the same birthday which is in just over a week. During the weekend.

He told her no one really cares about his birthday and DD wants to get him something, not sweets as that's not a “proper” gift to DD because it doesn't seem as thoughtful at least not on it's own

She doesn't really have any idea of his interests as he doesn't talk about himself much and DD doesn't want to ask him loads of questions. All she really knows is he likes harry styles and he answers most of the questions the teacher asks during history (though he may just be good at the subject). What on earth do you get a 15 year old boy with limited prompts. We just want him to feel cared about.

I wish we could actually do something with him even just over for dinner or something but I don't know how being in care actually works with being able to go places so a present will do

No real suggestions - but how lovely

Maybe a harry styles note pad/other small merch or show gel set from a decent brand. Something silly like comic fluffy socks? I would go for something small as he might not feel comfortable with too much of a gesture.

Your daughter sounds so lovely.
What about a birthday cake they could share together or with others at lunchtime, with the invitation that if he wants to go for a pizza or something one day to let her know when he is free?

At that age my son was quite chilly in the evenings and he loved a blanket. They make a space personalised which can be nice if you move around. You can get quite inexpensive fleece ones.

I think it would be a bit much to get a ‘proper’ gift for someone DD has just met. And might cause awkwardness, especially for teens. I actually think a tiny gesture (like sweets) would be perfect. Just a little something to show he has been thought about. Your DD sounds lovely.

How about a snack box rather than just sweets? So crisps, sweets, popcorn, chocolate etc. Maybe even a cinema voucher if you can stretch to that?

Very kind of your daughter.

to invite him over or to take him out, you get foster carers number as you would a parent and they can let the social know, you’re not suggesting having him over night so a outing with a friend would just be a good thing for him.

I think your daughter sounds so lovely but it might make him feel worse to get a proper gift that he can’t reciprocate. I’d do sweets or a cake they can share at lunch with a Harry styles themed personalised card. My daughter is 13 and loves a personalised card, makes her feel really special. If she’s crafty she could even make it.

How kind of your daughter. I’d do a little hamper of some nice choc/sweets, some nice smelly eg Lynx , if he likes coffee maybe a Costa/starbucks voucher

Harry Styles Lego mini-figure, avail on Etsy. Quirky, doesn't make a big statement, easy to stick in his pocket rather than have to explain it to everyone at school.
It's such a lovely thing to do, so 👏👏👏

The minifig is a fab idea, along with the shared cake.

I bet you’re so proud of your DD, OP, she sounds great. 😊

Sweets are a proper gift I think. A nice acknowledgement of his bday if she doesn't know him very well.
your daughter sounds lovely

A hoodie or half zip fleece? Nothing too fancy but surely practical and appreciated.

I agree with others, the gesture needs to be small to reflect the status of them becoming new acquaintances. I don't know if he volunteered the information about living away from his family or if it became known from other sources, but a disproportionate gesture could make him feel he is being in some way made out to be different. He has shared that he hasn't felt special on his birthday which is sad to hear, so perhaps something that is connected to their shared birthday - like a keyring with their date or star sign, and maybe one with some of the positive qualities associated with Aquarius, or giving a clear message his birthday is important.

Maybe tell him for her birthday treat she would like him to go bowling with her. You ring foster carers who usually have permissions to agree a daytime trip. I'm a foster carer and I'd be so pleased if a new placement had found a friend like your DD. The cake is also a lovely idea. You can get mini little cakes.

I think sweets or something would be lovely and a card.
I think he might feel awkward about someone taking pity in him. Very difficult situation.

That's a nice idea but it would be best if she just speaks to him and gets to know what he likes.

Obviously the fact they have the same birthday, she could start by inviting him to her party or ask him and another few friends to a more casual birthday cinema/arcade/bowling trip?

If she's not into him romantically hopefully she'll make it clear otherwise he might think she wants to date him?

I’d keep it small where they’ve only recently become friends, also wouldn’t want to make him feel awkward or like he had to reciprocate, though it’s a lovely gesture and your dd sounds v kind and thoughtful.

My dd is the same age and amongst her best friends they tend to give each other bday gifts ranging from plushies and posters, to funkos, stickers and sweets. Maybe something small like a pin badge or keychain with some sweets? The Lego mini figure is a great idea from pp, have seen those on Etsy and they do all sorts

This is perfect 👌

Thank you all, I do like the idea of the mini fig

Please update us how it goes, OP. It’s such a nice change to see a positive post here.

This

How about one of those mini birthday cakes that are in Waitrose? They could eat it at break time, it’s easy to transport.

Could you get one of those nice boxes of brownies online?

I actually don’t know anything about teenage boys so my idea may be terrible.

That’s a really nice idea.

I agree with a pp, a gift could make him feel uncomfortable as he won’t have something to give your daughter, but something they could share together, to celebrate their joint birthday, sounds lovely