How to be a better friend/improve friendships without being needy

[Hulloyholluy]

Early 40's, single and no kids so finding myself in that slightly mismatched phase of life where I have a surplus of time, energy and resources to direct towards things (including friendships) whereas the vast majority of my friends are, by contrast, mostly juggling two-under-fives each whilst dealing with the demands of careers, partners, school, parents etc. Many tell me they feel pulled in all directions and stretched too thin.

What I want is to be as good, consistent and steady a friend as possible in the meantime. These are all wonderful women who deserve the world and these are friendships I want to maintain and invest in. I'd say most are "longtime good" friends rather than "extremely close" friends, and by that I mean we went to school together or spent our 20's together so we've got tons of history and shared love/warmth, but realistically we often live 40 mins or so apart and only find opportunities to meet every couple of months.

What are some things that you do, or have had done for you, by friends that have made you feel cared for and special without them necessarily making big demands on your time? I know that they simply don't have the capacity at the moment to meet up more frequently, so I'm not necessarily thinking of things that require a physical presence, more little things like...

• Remembering their kids' birthdays and sending cards
• Baking something I know they enjoy before I see them, so they can take home some pastries or cakes to share with family
• Being a better listener when we're together rather than just covering all the generic "catch-up" stuff.
• Putting aside any articles/links to events that I think they'd enjoy (and absolutely NOT grilling them later as to whether or not they read it/ went!! I don't mind if they don't ever find the time to look at them again! It's more just a way to let them know I saw something and thought of them)

Can anyone suggest other nice little things that friends do for them that make you feel like the bond is being maintained, even when you aren't physically present? We've never regularly called eachother, and part of me likes the idea of attempting to build the new habit of a quick five-min chat every few weeks, while the other part of me can just see them looking at their phones in horror when my name suddenly starts popping up and wondering who's died 😂

I think you just need to accept that you have very different lives and that you’ll pick up where you left off whenever you get the time to meet each other.

You sound lovely and i’m sure you could find closer, local friends with a similar lifestyle to develop regular friendships with.

Re your list, personally for me:

1. i wouldn’t care if you remembered or marked my kids birthday, you’re my mate not theirs
2. i can sort my own cakes, thanks
3. i would add to this share your own life, friendship is a two way street, let them listen to you as well
4. i had to read this a few times to work out what you meant. i’ve only had one friend who used to send me articles and recipes and pinterest ideas etc etc and i was baffled as to why she was doing it. my rule of thumb here is if they haven’t asked for this stuff don’t give it to them

I quite like a quick whatsapp check in in between meet ups but some people hate that.