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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She didn’t get invited to the parties! AIBU?

13 replies

CannotAndWillNot · 29/01/2026 22:04

My poor DD has had such an awful time, but none of her friends know.

She had some significant medical issues which have plagued her for the last year. She is doing better now, but not quite out of the woods. DD chose to keep this quiet from her school friends, and we respected this decision. She is glad she made this choice.

For these reasons, she had to give up a number of her hobbies, but that was really the least of our worries, and she still isn’t quite at the stage of being able to pick them back up, but we’re hoping that days not too far away.

Anyway, since joining secondary school, she has stopped being invited to her friends parties. She kept telling me she didn’t mind and “you can’t invite everyone”, but the latest one has really hurt her. She is literally the only one not invited. I know why! They have all bonded that little bit more during their extra curricular activities, and she is sidelined a little. I get it! Also, I’m not at these activities, which the parents still take them to, so I’m out of the fold.

She’s so sad! She’s just broken hearted, and I feel so useless as I can’t magic it better for her. And after all she’s been through! 😢

I asked her if there’s one place she would like to go whilst her friends are all having this party. She said center parcs. It’s her favourite place on earth, but sadly not financially possible right now. I don’t know how to make her feel better.

Looking for some guidance from some more experienced mums. Thanks.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 29/01/2026 22:07

It's rubbish when they have friendship troubles like this. Dd is 14 and it's gone through phases. It's not great at the moment and my heart breaks for her. I'm trying to encourage her to mix with lots of groups so she has options which helps a little. I just feel helpless

Wakemeupinapril · 29/01/2026 22:13

Dd lost her friendship group as she refused to join in with the alcohol at a sleepover.. She rang me to pick her up.
One where the dps went to the pub and left 5 girls with a baby and a toddler...
The dm sent me a ranting message about how her (safeguarding officer for SN dc) and her dh (local councillor) had decided their dd was fine having alcohol on special occasions (like a sleepover?!)
Oh forgot to mention the girls were all 12.

.
Dd never looked back.
Hard at first but she found a select few nice, kind girls.

mindutopia · 29/01/2026 22:14

If it’s any consolation, I do think this is quite normal in Y7. There is a big reshuffle of friendships. I’d say dd (now in Y8) is only close friends with one primary school friend now even though they all went to the same secondary. Her closest friends are now new girls in her shared lessons and from her sport. Even the sports friends though have bounced around. The girls she was close to last year have quit and there are new ones going the days she trains. None of her old friends have invited her to their birthdays this year. She is very sociable and well liked, but there is a lot of upheaval in Y7 and into Y8 when it starts to stabilise a bit.

Take her out for a lovely meal and a special night, but also keep inviting those friends around and making time for them, as well as new friends, as and when she feels up for it. It will all settle and she will hopefully feel better soon.

Smartiepants79 · 29/01/2026 22:15

What does she love about centre parcs? Can you recreate any of it on a budget?

Smartiepants79 · 29/01/2026 22:17

And are there any different extra curriculars she could try that are less physically demanding?

CannotAndWillNot · 29/01/2026 22:17

Smartiepants79 · 29/01/2026 22:15

What does she love about centre parcs? Can you recreate any of it on a budget?

Thank you everyone!

I hadn’t thought of this, but it’s a good idea. Bike rides through the forest, swimming etc. It may not be center parcs, but we can try to do some of the activities I know she loves there. ❤️

OP posts:
CannotAndWillNot · 29/01/2026 22:19

Smartiepants79 · 29/01/2026 22:17

And are there any different extra curriculars she could try that are less physically demanding?

She has tried a couple of things, but not found a love of anything yet. It’s a hard one, because I cant put any pressure on her right now. So if she says she doesn’t want to go back, I don’t try to encourage her to stick it out the way I might have if she were doing better physically.

OP posts:
HopSpringsEternal · 29/01/2026 22:21

Maybe go youth hostelling instead or camping when it warms up a bit.

QuickPeachPoet · 29/01/2026 22:33

This is sad
If she is unable to meet her friends at the activity for the time being, could she have a sleepover or get together at your home with them some time so she isn't so out of the loop.

Hankunamatata · 29/01/2026 22:33

Sad dd has had health problems but I do think its really normal for massive friendship group changes going to high school. Probably made worse by having to give up activities and not having that social contact after school.

My centre parcs loving kids adore a static caravan just as much. Might be cheaper

AlwaysTheRenegade · 29/01/2026 22:36

Could she invite just a couple of friends to yours for a sleepover night? Does she have any of the group she gets on with best ect? Year 7 is bloody awful.

jackstini · 29/01/2026 22:43

Maybe a spa day at Center Parcs? Fraction of the cost but some of the experience

Year 7 was big changes in friendship groups for both mine too

fluencing · 29/01/2026 22:58

Is she in year 7 or 8? This is tough, poor dd and poor you.
When will she be able to join her activities again? Try to look at it as a difficult phase and soon things will get better. This too shall pass. Once she is back to normal timetable, she can reconnect with old friends as well as make new ones. At that age, girls are tricky beasts. They. won't invite her as it's all about the group dynamic which she is not part of. I don't think it's personal, just that these 12-13 year olds are keenly aware of where they themselves are in the group and don't want to add anything that could rock that boat. It will get better!

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