Anonymous Complaint

[BlackBean2023]

I have a very senior role in an organisation. My boss is a narcissistic bully. Everyone is scared to approach him because he is so volatile and I often get the brunt of it. We’re currently not hitting a major target which is stressing him out and his behaviour has become intolerable. I have told him how he makes me feel and his response was to make it about how stressed he is. The department I lead is high performing but I heard him on the phone yesterday taking credit for something I’ve led and saying something along the lines of “if anything happens here it’s because I made it so”- this is absolutely not true and I don’t want to be his scape goat this year (there’s been one for the last two). I am the breadwinner in our family and also can’t afford to lose a high paid job by putting my head above the parapet.

We’re a charity so have a board of trustees. I am pondering submitting an anonymous letter that can’t be traced back to me telling trustees what he’d like. I know if they asked other members of the senior leadership team (about 10) that they would say the same as me.

It’s not my style but I’m sat here at 7.21 dreading going to work because of one person. AIBU? What else can I do?

What is your companies whistleblower policy? I’d look at as you do have some protection with it.

Between 10 senior managers… none has pursued anything against him despite what sounds like appalling behaviour?

know if they asked other members of the senior leadership team (about 10) that they would say the same as me.

and yet not one has been arsed to do anything off their one back before?

The amount of money this charity must spend on salaries!!

I had a similar situation to this in the past, no one did anything and behaviour continued so I did speak to a couple of colleagues who I knew felt the same and suggested we have a meeting the 3 of us so it was less daunting than going alone.

Some May think you’re crazy for not saying something but it is so hard… but this cannot continue.

Either write the anonymous letter or make a formal complaint yourself and maybe gather some extras who will agree

I know if they asked other members of the senior leadership team (about 10) that they would say the same as me.

No, you don’t. When push comes to shove, I bet they’d say nothing.

Agreed

and between 10 fully fledged adults in senior positions - it would appear not one has been inclined to progress before now

Just put you all under suspicion and if they launch an investigation no one will support it

have you talked to any other members of the team

If you are in a senior role you should have a relationship with the chair and board that would allow you to raise this in confidence without needing an anonymous letter.

is the chair your boss’s direct manager? If so, ask so meet her/him for coffee. Talk about the culture of the organisation and the impact on staff morale of his behaviour.

Maybe consider a coach/ mentor to help you navigate this?

Its not that unusual with workplace tyranny where everyone is equally afraid of the fallout of poking the angry Ogre with a big stick.

You can’t live a life where you dread going to work because of the behaviour of one individual. The whistle needs to be blown. If anonymously or not, something needs to be said. Can you get anyone else to back a complaint? What you don’t want is people who bottle it as soon as you do complain and leave you to face the wrath.

Ive been in a similar situation. Everyone was sick of the bosses behaviour. It was terrible. We all discussed it frequently and were utterly miserable. I raised it eventually and nobody backed me up! I had many examples but in the end it was just my ‘interpretation’. It made me unwell mentally and changed the relationships I had at work. I got the silent treatment and the looks. Happy to say I left and am in a lovely job now where I’m treated with respect and as a human. Occasionally I think of my former colleagues who are still in that situation. Was it worth speaking up?

I did exactly this and found myself pushed out. I trusted the board member and believed they would believe me. My boss was/is really awful but only privately and in ways it’s hard to prove. He is charming public school boy to everyone who doesn’t know him well.

I’d be very careful @BlackBean2023 and to be honest my advice is smile sweetly and leave. I felt morally obliged to do something for the benefit of all the much more vulnerable staff and users. But with hindsight I didn’t achieve anything, sadly. Even in modern culture of safeguarding etc, it is still very much close ranks and protect the organisation. I would never ‘whistleblow’ again.

And your point is relevant how??

Are you in a union?

What would you be hoping would happen as a consequence of the letter? The problem with an anonymous letter is that he just says it’s nonsense/malicious and there may be nothing anyone can do about it.

Ive been through a similar scenario to this, OP, though not in the same sector (& to my amazement it was nearly 30 years ago!)
The outright bullying, lying & glory-hunting was overwhelming; I confided in an older woman there & she was clear that everyone knew & nobody was willing to raise it out of fear for their jobs. I was so disappointed in my colleagues but understood their positions as the bully simply had so much power.
In the end I left on my own terms.

In all seriousness, what do you think you will achieve by drawing attention to the situation? You would need to be very sure of the path in order to begin it.
There’s a high chance that one of you would end up leaving under some sort of cloud, and sadly I suspect it would be you.

Until your proverbial ducks are in the row & your next job is secured, as the primary earner I think you just have to suck it up for now.
It makes me so sad that we still have to work with men like this.
Best wishes.

Funny that you mentioned it being a charity - I hear a lot of charities have very toxic, macho cultures... white men saving the world need all their staff to bow down...

Strangely enough, I too have heard that the charity sector is rife with bullying.

Charities are racket! Everyone surely knows this by now?

Which is why I don’t support any charities as a majority of them pay out more in salaries than they actually put into their research and what ever else they do!

I doubt the letter would work. Without support from colleagues you are stuck. If you complain they will find a way to get rid of you. Sorry OP. I have seen this a number of times and the guilty party never suffers.

Honest, I would start looking for another job. I've never known a whistleblower be able to continue or for it to go well.

A good friend made an HR complaint and then managers closed ranks and made a counter allegation. It was classic victimisation and she won a tribunal but not until she'd had to resign (constructive dismissal) and nearly lose everything financially. There was a huge toll on her. It took years to win the tribunal and huge stress.

Exactly. Look for another job. Men like these are Teflon.

Really sad reading some people’s experiences here. We are all given this false belief that whistleblowers are listened to and protected (it was part of my training) In reality it never works out good.

It does not surprise me that this is a charity. I worked in that sector for 20 years and realised the directors/CEO are usually appalling while the staff on the front line are dedicated and good at their job.

I have seen so many instances of bullying that were completely ignored.

In my last organisation I made an official complaint for bullying and discrimination against my line managwe and left with a financial settlement. Usually things are just swept under the carpet.

In your case I would look for a new job. If the whole culture of the charity is rotten at leadership level nothing is going to change.