How were your children affected by your breakup?

[Meg878o]

I am considering leaving my husband. We have 3 children aged 11,8 and 6. I haven't left yet because I'm deeply worried about the effect it'll have on them . Please tell me your honest stories. I am deeply unhappy but want to do what's right by them. How can I leave and turn my unhappiness into happiness yet turn their happiness into unhappiness 😔

I think it introduces a lot of unknowns, especially when other partners come onto the scene.
Statistics show is greatly increased risk of child abuse if there is a non-biologocal adult in the home. How many awful stories that make the news involve parent plus new partner?

Obviously if there is already abuse in the biological parents relationship that makes the balance of risk completely different.

Anecdotally, of my friends from split families, the common themes seem to be that they hated going from house to house, they struggled more financially and their parents became very derogatory toward each other, often weaponising them (the children) or venting to them about how useless their father was/manipulative their mother was etc which they hated.

I would have loved my parents to split as a child because my dad was explosive and having him in the house was unsettling. When it was just us kids and mum it felt calm and safe.

Ha ha thought might have been case, but wanted to check, otherwise a bit 😮

Thank you 🩷. I have had counselling and I am ok. It’s just always there, a wish that things were different and that the people who brought me into the world could just get on. Are they happier? I am not sure, they have “moved on” surface wise but are still pretty preoccupied with each other which is really annoying.

It’s a really personal and subjective subject as no one knows the nuances of your marriage and home life.

My eldest was 6 when her dad left. At first she seemed ok but a couple of years on she is deeply deeply angry at him and nigh on refuses to see him. He was the one who initiated leaving and I’m not sure she will ever forgive him.

There is also the devastating financial impact of divorcing - you can’t get away from the fact that their current and future lives and opportunities are impacted by divorce. The things that matters to them at this age - holidays, activities. having a bedroom of their own perhaps, new clothes days out etc are hard enough to pay for on two incomes these days let alone on one. not to mention if you go down the “modern” route of 50/50 custody shuttling them between 2 homes for the rest of their childhood.

TBH I find divorce - in the absence of abuse of course - deeply selfish depending on the circumstances that’s why no can really advise for sure as it’s so specific to your particular home life whether the children will be happier if you separate? The statistics are really clear that children do better in 2 parent homes though