To be perplexed/annoyed by friend’s reaction?

[Phyte]

I’ve recently been diagnosed with arthritis. I was really not expecting it and it was quite a shock. I’m in my 30s and it hadn’t occurred to me that that could be what was wrong.

I met a close friend a couple of days later. I told her about my diagnosis, and without reacting or saying anything else replied ‘I’m getting loads of aches lately to be honest’.

The next time I went out with her and another friend and I mentioned it to my other friend, and my first friend stated again that she was often in pain and had arthritis too. First she’s ever told me about it!

IABU to be slightly irritated? I listen to her talking about her problems and issues all of the time, but the one time I bring something up it was immediately about her.

It doesn’t really sound perplexing when you say she complains all the time, it sounds like it’s always about her so she’s doing what she usually does.

A lot of people are like that. Thoughtless and self absorbed.

Urgh, lots of people are like this. Super annoying! I think that would annoy most people OP.

The world is full of people like this: they are incapable of empathy or basic listening and treat each conversation like a verbal tennis match, trying to win points all the time.

The older I get, the less patience I have with this. I would distance myself from anyone who lacked this self awareness.

I have Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I can only say that if you mention it to anyone who doesn’t have it, you will get the following:

I ache in the wet weather
my granny has that
Take cod liver oil
Eat more protein
Cut out all protein
etc

It’s a completely normal reaction on her part, no one who doesn’t have it, can understand.

It’s not a reflection of her feelings for you, she just doesn’t know what to say. So, feel miffed and then ignore it, it’s going to happen a lot (sorry).

It's big news to you, but it's not to her and she's lumping it in with general aches and pains.

It’s not that she complains all of the time. She’s got a legitimate concern at the moment and I don’t mind hearing about it. I wouldn’t say she was usually self-obsessed.

The next time I seen her she suddenly did have it.

Or thought she did. Heard your symptoms and assumed it was the same thing? Or had a medical diagnosis?

Could be her way of empathising or showing you she understands, as she has arthritis too? Or maybe she's had these aches and your diagnosis connected the dots and she's wondering if that's what she's also got?

Some friends are like that though. Self-centered and only interested in themselves.

She was claiming she’d been diagnosed but I would be absolutely astounded if that’s the case and she’d never mentioned it.

To be honest, you’ll never know for sure so, just smile, nod and concentrate on your own goals.

Competitive illness wars are more exhausting than arthritis.

You won’t change her, you can manage your reactions.

You have a lot to deal with, arthritis can be cruel, so put yourself first and limit contact if you need to and don’t feel guilty.

Just to say I have osteoarthritis in my lumbar. I’ve found flexiseq cream has helped lots

I have facet joint arthritis. I have always had a terrible back (scoliosis since puberty, spinal surgery etc.) and have so many other run-of-the-mill things going on like psoriasis, thyroid issues, anaemia, high blood pressure that I actually forgot about it until you mentioned arthritis in this thread. Could she be a functioning crock like myself and just have never mentioned it before?

You’ve been to Tenerife, she’s been to elevenerife

Never heard of that. I’ll get some, thank you!