Would you leave?

[Daisychain67]

I’ve been with my partner for around 13 years. We were teenagers when we got together and are both turning 30 this year. We were in a long distance relationship for around 6 years where I went to him every single weekend. Our relationship has been really turbulent with him not treating me very nicely at the start, being unfaithful and generally a teenage boy. He’s grown out of allot of his bad traits but still doesn’t treat me how I want to be treated.

We have never been on a date, we have never been on a night out, never really done anything together apart from taking our DD to the cinema a couple of times a year or holidays that his rich brother books for us. I’ve told him endless times that I want to go out and I want us to have fun together. I don’t have any friends as we all went our separate ways after school and I got with him straight away.

He constantly says he’ll do better but anytime it’s raised it turns into an argument, he’s also told me we can’t do anything that involves alcohol because I’m too ‘good looking’ and other men will look at me and he will end up fighting them.
I feel like my life has been nothing and I’m turning 30 this year and have absolutely no memories of my late teens and 20’s.

What would you do in this situation?

Run, run, run. As fast as you can. You deserve better.

I haven't read your other threads but this one is bad enough! The question isn't should you leave it's why wouldn't you leave?! What do you gain from being in this relationship?

Your partner should be the person who cares for you, loves being in your company, lifts you up and is your cheerleader, your team-mate in life and your soft place to fall at the end of the day. The person you turn to for comfort, advice and loving support. The person you have fun with, laugh with and plan adventures with. The person you look forward to seeing.

If he isn't this person (and it really sounds like he's not!) then he is not someone you should be in a relationship with. You've wasted enough of your life with him already. You deserve better.

If your DD were to come to you, years from now and presented you with this situation and asked your advice, what would say? Do that.

Does he go out with friends?

When he treats you so badly and you know it, why do you want to stay with him ?

You should leave him and refuse to be taken in when he starts love bombing you as an attempt to get you back. He will never change but he may out on a mask to stop you leaving him.

You are young. You don’t need him. Focus on yourself and your DC.

Also, book some therapy to help you understand why you put up with this loser for so long.

he’s also told me we can’t do anything that involves alcohol because I’m too ‘good looking’ and other men will look at me and he will end up fighting them

What on earth are you doing with this revolting man?

OP, this isn't a normal relationship. At all. It is not normal never to have been on a date in 13 years with your partner. It is not normal to have a long distance relationship for 6 years during which you're treated like shit the whole time. Repeatedly cheating is not normal behaviour, even for a lad in his late teens.

It is absolutely NOT in any way normal, or acceptable, to be incapable of going out with one's spouse without being so insanely jealous that fights might break out.

This is beyond insane.

I can't imagine a single reason you might have got wanting to stay with this idiot. He's never going to change, never be the man you want or deserve.

You're giving your daughter a terribly example of what an adult, romantic relationship should look like.

Leave, as soon as you possible can. Do it for you. Do it for your DD. Go and enjoy your lives.

So you have been together 13 years and say he has never treated you how you wanted to be treated...

And you are with him because??? Actions are the data you need to make decisions,not empty words. He has shown you who he is over the last 13 years imo, its not going to suddenly improve.

” I would have left one week In to be fair “ 🙄 isn’t a fair comment to make ! Not helpful at all in fact .
Not everyone’s a hero you know , I’m sure she’s scared , he’s all she has known .
It’s hard to be strong sometimes.
I didn’t leave til I was 40 .
Good for you , clearly never having a grey cloud in your life , well that’s what I’m guessing from your post .
You could be a little more understanding.
OP is nice & young , she’s finding her strength .
She’ll get there too , hopefully sooner rather than later 🤞

Get the hell out, away from this idiot

I'd stop wasting my life.

You've tried talking to him. He isn't interested.

He has a litany of disgusting traits and red flags.

Literally the best ypu can hope for staying with him is more of the same.

You haven't experienced the wider world which is why you're scared. But if you did you'd be horrified of being with him.

I can't add anything to this advice other than

L T B