How do people with sensory issues as a result of ASD cope with intimacy?

[Purpleturtle45]

My daughter has ASD, she is only 9 so this is a long way away and obviously things can change. but was just wondering. She likes hugs but hates kisses. She has some sensory issues and it got me thinking about the future and how people copen in relationships if they don't like being touched.

I don’t particularly have general sensory issues as a result of my ASD, but I dislike human contact and the feel of people’s skin. I also can’t stand sleeping next to anyone who isn’t my cat! Peoples breath and smell absolutely knocks me sick. Humans have a weird smell.
I dislike intimacy in general because it just feels so weird for me. I’ve had plenty of partners but it’s not something I enjoy so I’m happily single. Cuddling after sex is awful. I’d rather just get in the shower straight away. You can probably imagine how this comes across to people 😅

That said, there are a lot of ASD people in relationships which just shows everyone is different.

My dd doesn’t have an issue, everyone is different plus people change

I don’t know but it worries me terribly for DD. We cannot brush off her or hug her, she can’t stand touching, using smooth cutlery etc. she is 17 and very pretty and attractive, she has close bunch of friends in the school SEN school, has many boy type interests, gaming etc, so unfortunately some of the boys , well 2, developed a crush on her at different times, they were great friends, Trying to walk beside her gives her the ick, she was really friendly with one of them, he tried to hold her hand on a school trips he’s blanked now, I feel sorry for him too and her because they were liking each other.
I hope it changes when she finds someone special or someone who has a lot of patience.

I'm not that much into kissing, apart from in the mid throes, so to speak. As long as touch is firm rather than tickly it's all good. Brief after cuddle before moving away to sleep on my side facing away.

I'm not tactile day to day though. Don't mind holding hands for a bit, but don't like sitting cuddled up. I'd rather recline on the sofa with my legs over theirs. I don't do PDAs as it makes me uncomfortable, bar a quick peck.

It's perfectly manageable with someone you know and trust.

Speaking from personal experience, you get married to someone who has the same sensory issues as you do 🙈

Ii worried about this with my DD, who didn't appear to like touch. She now has a boyfriend at 17 and seems to have no issues with hand holding as they walk down the road. She's just gone on contraception, so hopefully no issues with intimacy...yet!

I dont have asd. Never been into physical displays of affections. Don't hug my friends or family. It was hard with some boyfriends as I gew up because they made me feel like something was wrong with me. Now as an adult with a lovely understanding DH it's never an issue. He knows I'm not into random hugs and that I can't sleep if he's tangled up with me. We communicate a lot and he asks me if he can have a hug if he needs it or I give him one if I can see he needs it. Strangely hugs with my kids are my favourite things, wanting personal space has never extended to them.
Intimacy is fine, but again it relies on right timing and communication! I actually hate kissing my dh most he gets is a peck.
Just always tell your daughter it's OK and we all have preferences and feelings and differences. I had ex's that totally ignored my boundaries and really made me feel like I was weird and broken. So I stopped speaking up and was so uncomfortable and miserable for years.

It was a milder issue for me but I either can or can’t tolerate particular people’s touch. Dh feels deeply regulating to hug, touch, be near, or be intimate with.

With others I have to be ready for their touch and then I can process it. With some, I recoil regardless. Dh can come up behind me, or touch me when I’m asleep and it’s all
good. We’re just a match.

If I hadn’t met dh, I would still be pushing myself to be “more normal” about this. I think, for me, it’s been a heightened sensitivity for compatibility.

I have ASD and ADHD and am very good at masking. As I got older as a child/teen I became better at masking and if you want a relationship, which I did, it becomes a choice of tolerating some things or not having that. I like the sex part for example but not the touching intimacy around that, but I do it anyway as it’s important for DH. At the moment it’s a lot harder as we have young DCs and I get overwhelmed a lot with everything but I do try and he knows that.