Money differences

[D87hugf]

My husband and I have been doing a renovation over the past number of months, with plenty still to go. We are two very different people when it comes to finances so our money is mostly kept separate. I earn more than he does and am on steady salary versus his commission based role so I pay 75% of our joint expenses (although actually only earn about 66% of our household income).

This renovation has been funded by my previous savings and continued saving each month. We had agreed that his contribution to the renovations would mirror our normal 75:25 split. So far I have funded 38k of expenses and he has paid me 750 towards the costs.

Naturally as he is my husband I haven't been too miffed about this. However over the past few weeks he knows I am stressing over money as I don't like to have no cash available and it is running dry with ongoing expenses.

What has tonight annoyed me is that he is spending 4k on golf clubs and a golf holiday over the next two months. I feel im entitled to be annoyed that I'm scrimping and saving to manage the money to make sure we're covering everything and can progress the reno. He was out of work for quite a while due to health and only properly started back in June so his reasoning is he deserves a treat as he hadn't previously been able to treat himself.

AIBU to be annoyed he's spending that much money on himself and contributing nothing to the renovation?

Why has he not paid you the 25% of the £38k spent so far?

YANBU to be annoyed he’s spending £4k on this trip
if simultaneously pleading poverty and unable to pay for his share of the renovations.

I'd be furious - how come he gets to spent £4K on himself, but you have to put all your money towards the renovations - I assume you both agreed that the renovations needed doing?

We are two very different people when it comes to finances so our money is mostly kept separate

This stands out to me - do you mean that you have different attitudes to what money should be spent on, how much to save etc? Does he have a tenancy to fritter money away, but you are more of a saver? Surely, as you are married, you should both be putting all money into a joint account, and then allocating the same amount each to 'personal spends', perhaps even transferring this to your own accounts. Then he can save up from his personal money for golf holidays and clubs without resentment, while also contributing money to the renovations.

I genuinely don't understand how married couples have different amounts to spend on themselves, or how they manage as a team with separate finances.

Whatever happened to 'with all my worldly goods I thee endow'. I know, of course, that these are traditional vows rather than more modern ones that are usually made now, but the sentiment of working as a team, and being equal to each other, should still apply.

He has a very cushty life with you doesn’t he? More money in his pocket, a nice home renovation and £4k on a holiday! And sporadic work to top it all off. Can I be your husband OP?

When did you last get to spend £4k solely on a holiday?

Is the renovation required? I.e did you buy a wreck and it needs doing or is it more of a nice to have type thing? I'm wondering if the renovation is something you want but he's not bothered about in which case you just have different opinions on what to spend money on. I'd personally much rather spend £38k on holidays than on a swanky new kitchen. But, if the house was a wreck and it actually needs doing, that's different.

He certainly knows which side his bread is buttered. Good luck if you go on mat leave.

All money in one pot, for bills and food and kids

own accounts for personal spends ie golf holidays. Same amount each.
all the rest gets saved, some long term for retirement and some short term for holidays - joint holidays- and new cars and so on
variable income should not affect day to day , just the amount saved.
he is almost a cocklodger. You are being taken for a ride.