This annoying grandma!

[Heboughtsomanygrapes]

Have posted about her before, but she’s still not respecting boundaries.
Young type grandma (late 50’s) lives in a house behind our house, granddaughter is often there (girl is in Dd’s school) Dd wants to play with her, but they have a love/hate relationship and often fall out so I try to discourage it.
The girl often calls over the fence to Dd, but since the weather has been bad, she’s not been able to do that. She calls or sends messages to my WhatsApp, which I often ignore if we’re busy.
So now the Grandma has taken to driving up outside the front of our house to either drop off the girl (without even asking?!) or the girl will call out of the window for Dd to come to her house.
I often say no as it’s when we’ve literally only just got in from school minutes before and we have snack, relax, homework etc. Dd then explodes as she wants to go there (hate her going there as this girl speaks rudely to her grandma and they watch Youtube, which I don’t allow unless occasionally with our supervision)
Last time I was cooking and said no to Dd as she was quite bad with a cough and cold, Dd went to tell them she wasn’t allowed to go and I heard the grandma say that it was ok if she had a cough and they didn’t mind and she could come over-constantly overriding me. I suspect Dd is possibly Nd and she tends to get all riled up
by this and it causes arguments between us. I’ve asked grandma to please just send me a message to see if Dd can play and I will reply to her, but she still turns up at the door

Driving me nuts, why is she doing this!

If I had to keep saying no I would tell them all (grandma, other child and your child) the answer is always no and that you are fed up of this causing disruptions.

I'm guessing the grandma is proving childcare so her DIL or DD can work. I'm willing to bet that the child care offer is wearing thin and the grandma has found she is suddenly providing more childcare than she thought she was going to be doing originally. As she wants your daughter over to play it's likely that the granddaughter wants lots of attention/ playing with or wanting to play chasing/ tag/ hide and seek/ role play and pretend games which are mind numbing for adults and tiring.

If your daughter goes round to play then grandma is not stuck playing chase/ tag/ pretend/ hide and seek for hours on end, instead the granddaughter will play those games with your daughter.

My own eldest DD went through a stage where all she wanted to do was play pretend or chasing games or hiding games and they went on and on and on. I am guilty of arranging a play date with my daughter's friends just so I don't have to play barbies, followed by hide and seek, followed by cafes, followed by tag when I really need to clean the kitchen.

She speaks rudely to her grandmother and they watch YouTube?
Im sure OP could say no screens to grandma.

Where is the mum?

Can you speak to her at school? I’d be mortified if my mum was encouraging and engaging in pestering other people.

"Hi grandma, we're going to have to take a break from the playdates for a while because you're not respecting my boundaries and it's becoming very disruptive. We can possibly revisit it over the summer but for now it's going to be a no to any requests."

You need to persist against the grandmas persistence.

Reply to her yourself - dont send your dd with a message.
As your dd does want to be friends with the other girl I would arrange something specific with boundaries eg dds friend is welcome to come and play every Friday afternoon from 4-6pm. And thats it. No wriggle room for extra.

I remember your last post too, so why didn't you follow anyone else's advice from then?!
You really need to grow a backbone, because you're still confusing the whole issue with your bizarre inconsistency!

Block the number, ignore the knock on the door.

Bizarre inconsistency for sure! No wonder this is still going on when you're hiding inside rather than be an adult and deal with this, you're instead ignoring phone messages and sending your child out to give messages to the grandmother and granddaughter. No surprise either that your daughter 'explodes' and is angry when you're this wishy-washy and inconsistent. Set out some clear rules with your DD and decide what contact you want with the neighbours and then clearly tell them.
What boundaries is the grandmother not respecting as you don't seem to have set any!