Help & advice needed, domestic abuse

[fedupinliyf]

Basically I have a child with my ex and our relationship is very very bad.

Every time we are around each other it's just toxic, he verbally abuses.
He has never ever hit me but it's verbal and emotional abuse.

Last week I was straightening my hair and asked him to ensure LO didn't wander into the bedroom and he started screaming at me and he was so angry that he broke the child safety lock on the door.
This was completely unprovoked.

I had a doctors appointment today and have been referred for an urgent breast referral and when we pulled up one of the neighbours had just pulled in.
She usually talks for ages and said to me "Are you f***g stupid"?.
All because I wasn't in the mood for talking to a neighbour.
This again was unprovoked.
These are the thing I have to deal with every time he see's DC.
There is no formal arrangement in place.
He see's DC in my house.

He also told me "Sorry I just don't love you", "I absolutely hate you".
He also said he had met someone else and then said "he was going to meet someone else".

I only tolerate him because of our child, I haven't loved him for years.
When I asked for my key back he went mental and told me "if I want to see DC and I turn up and can't get access I will report you to the police"

I am so depressed because of this man.
Be abuses me every single time he see's our DC.

We can't stand being in the same room together, we really so absolutely hate each other.

I can't go on like this.
I feel so depressed, I am literally sobbing in my toilet writing this and came on here to join as I feel so alone.

I would prefer it if I never had to see him again to be honest.
I am to embarrassed to tell my family that we are no longer together.
We have kept up the pretence to everyone that we are still together.

I do drive and I am looking at getting a car this week to avoid asking him, but he offered to take me .

I did insist on getting an Uber.

I just feel so helpless and alone

You need to not allow him in your home. Meet in public places with your DC.

Change your locks. Your home, your locks.

Ask for a court order where he only sees your DC in a contact centre.

Fight back now, gather some strength for your DC. Do it for them.

Sorry OP, that sounds really hard. First thing to take control of is your home. Take your key back, if he wants to see DC he can pick her up and take her elsewhere for access. He can see his child but that doesn't give him licence to abuse you

Good luck with your medical issues

OP this is domestic abuse. Please contact Women's Aid who will help you.

Thank you, I just don't know what to do anymore as he keeps saying he will call the police if he get come in my home.

I put off going through court as I didn't want to go through that process but his abuse is just getting worse and he says "I can say what I want as long as I am not putting my hands on you".

I will call Women's Aid tomorrow for advice

OP is it your house or jointly owned with him? If it's yours, change the locks and don't let him in again. Let him call the police - legally he has no right to be in your property and the police will tell him that.

Please do contact Women's Aid for advice and support. Also, tell your family and friends that you're not together and that he is very abusive. Please don't let shame or embarrassment stop you from getting support from the people who love you. The shame is ALL his and you have done nothing to be ashamed of. Look after yourself lovely 💐

The house is in my name through the council, he has his own flat.
He only had a key in case for an emergency.

When he isn't here I feel happy and positive, as soon as I see him I feel so depressed and worthless.
His negativity is never ending, and he is very critical of me as well.

It just never ends.

I have just ripped up every card he sent me and I am pawning the engagement ring he gave me tomorrow, that will help me feel better.

I have put off Women's Aid but after today his abuse is just getting worse.
I really need some legal boundaries in place.

You don't need to put up with this kind of abuse. Doesn't matter who's house it is, it's the house where your child lives and they shouldn't be in a house where abuse is happening.

Really pleased that you are calling Women's Aid tomorrow.

But my concern is are you safe tonight? My local Police (Devon & Cornwall) are really good, but, regretfully, it's a bit of a lottery.

I've been in this situation & blamed myself as I felt that it was me who got myself into this position &, frankly, was embarrassed about it all. I've since become very involved with Women's Aid trained to counsel women. You are not responsible for getting yourself into an abusive situation & you need to get yourself out of it with the help that's available.

Good luck Hun. Let us know how you get on.

We crossed posts. You need to get in touch with the police to log the abuse. You also need to change your locks. Do you have a chain or deadlock to stop him getting into your house with his key? If not, tell the police, they will sort it. Don't pawn the engagement ring as it is legally his property now that you're no longer engaged.

The important thing is that you dial 999 as you & your children are at risk from his bastard.

Good luck darling.

It’s not true that the ring is his if you don’t get married. It was given as a gift and therefore your property (Law Reform Act Micellaneous Property 1970!). This could only be challenged if there was clear evidence to deviate from this default position (eg written statement like a text that ring reverts to his property if you don’t marry).

Change the locks OP and arrange for him to see dc at his flat.

Change the locks and don't allow him in. Let him call the police. They often have a good 👃 nose for abusers because they meet them every day. Give a full and honest statement. Protect yourself and your child. Ask for help. There are plenty of charities you can call. Call one tomorrow. Take action before he hurts you.

It’s not true that the ring is his if you don’t get married. It was given as a gift and therefore your property (Law Reform Act Micellaneous Property 1970!). This could only be challenged if there was clear evidence to deviate from this default position (eg written statement like a text that ring reverts to his property if you don’t marry).

I stand corrected. My understanding was that an engagement ring was given as a token of a promise of marriage. If that marriage doesn't take place then it belongs to the person who bought it. It seems that I was wrong for which I apologise.