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Original poster

My boy 3, almost 4 is having a lot of tantrums- normal ?

36 replies

myboyThree · 27/01/2026 11:57

I have an older girl who is 6. By nearly 4, she had stopped having as many tantrums. My son will be 4 in May.

He just seems really babyish still. He always wants to get his way and he just doesn’t let it go when he doesn’t get his way. He cries buckets of tears and screams his head off.

he is not happy to go to preschool some days. I can’t work out why. He just says he wants to stay with me. I’ve told his teachers who say he seems happy. But this morning for example, he was just refusing to get dressed. There is just a lot of resistance for routine tasks like going to bed. He often has a meltdown because he doesn’t want to go to bed.

at preschool they say he’s doing ok. Not always perfect at following instructions there but they say on the whole he is a sweet, clever, kind boy.

he is ok sometimes at home but other times it’s so hard. I do the usual, giving him choices to make him feel in control of decisions, but he is so determined to have it his way, that the strategies don’t work. It’s like he always just wants to do the opposite thing.

he is so demanding. When he wants something he will cry and whine until he gets it. Or another example, this morning in the car we listened to the song he wanted 2-3 times and then another song came on and my daughter and I wanted to listen to it, but he didn’t. He cried and complained the entire way through. I didn’t back down and change it, but had to listen to him complain and cry. He ruins things a lot for us, when it’s not what he wants. Another example is his jacket. He never wants to wear it/ refuses etc. we’ve had instances where he’s cried for 30 minutes because we made him wear a jacket.

I use a reward jar with him, which sometimes works. But other times not as much.

I know these are all normal toddlerish things and I’ve been through it all with my daughter. But with her, it was getting better at this age.

I can’t imagine him going to school in September ! I can’t believe he’s 4 in a few short months. He behaves like he’s 2 and a half, a lot of the time.

any advice ? Is it still normal for his age ?

OP posts:
Dunnowhatimat · 28/01/2026 20:55

Terrible 2s? Nah. Terrorist 3s I've experience in 😂 my child has ASD and possibly adhd

Dunnowhatimat · 28/01/2026 20:57

Dunnowhatimat · 28/01/2026 20:55

Terrible 2s? Nah. Terrorist 3s I've experience in 😂 my child has ASD and possibly adhd

Not saying yours does however! Just telling u my situation and experience (she's 4 soon, hoping for the fabulous 4s 😂 (is that a thing?!))

Wildefish · 28/01/2026 21:14

myboyThree · 27/01/2026 11:57

I have an older girl who is 6. By nearly 4, she had stopped having as many tantrums. My son will be 4 in May.

He just seems really babyish still. He always wants to get his way and he just doesn’t let it go when he doesn’t get his way. He cries buckets of tears and screams his head off.

he is not happy to go to preschool some days. I can’t work out why. He just says he wants to stay with me. I’ve told his teachers who say he seems happy. But this morning for example, he was just refusing to get dressed. There is just a lot of resistance for routine tasks like going to bed. He often has a meltdown because he doesn’t want to go to bed.

at preschool they say he’s doing ok. Not always perfect at following instructions there but they say on the whole he is a sweet, clever, kind boy.

he is ok sometimes at home but other times it’s so hard. I do the usual, giving him choices to make him feel in control of decisions, but he is so determined to have it his way, that the strategies don’t work. It’s like he always just wants to do the opposite thing.

he is so demanding. When he wants something he will cry and whine until he gets it. Or another example, this morning in the car we listened to the song he wanted 2-3 times and then another song came on and my daughter and I wanted to listen to it, but he didn’t. He cried and complained the entire way through. I didn’t back down and change it, but had to listen to him complain and cry. He ruins things a lot for us, when it’s not what he wants. Another example is his jacket. He never wants to wear it/ refuses etc. we’ve had instances where he’s cried for 30 minutes because we made him wear a jacket.

I use a reward jar with him, which sometimes works. But other times not as much.

I know these are all normal toddlerish things and I’ve been through it all with my daughter. But with her, it was getting better at this age.

I can’t imagine him going to school in September ! I can’t believe he’s 4 in a few short months. He behaves like he’s 2 and a half, a lot of the time.

any advice ? Is it still normal for his age ?

Perhaps because you had a girl first you are expecting your son to be the same. In my experience, but obviously not always, boys seem to be about 6 months behind girls. All kids are different.

oustedbymymate · 28/01/2026 21:19

I have two boys 5and 3. Sounds completely (albeit annoying at times!) normal

Abd80 · 28/01/2026 21:28

Mum of three boys here. Sounds normal. They grow out of it but it tests my patience to the limits.
i keep repeating to myself “they’re not giving you a hard time. They’re HAVING a hard time”
acknowledge the feeling and name it.
As Ms Rachel sings “big feelings are ok !”
We sing that song a lot !
they need your calm to help them regulate. Offer hugs squeezes or whatever calms them down. Sometimes they don’t want that but it’s reassuring to know you’re there when they need you.

Itsmyshadow · 28/01/2026 21:30

Sounds like my son who is the same age. The bit about the song in the car particularly resonated 😩. I have two older girls and they were not like this!

Didimum · 28/01/2026 21:30

My daughter was a dream through 1, 2 and 3yrs old. Turned into a complete nightmare at 4. Now at 7, she is better again. 4 and 5 were ROUGH. My son (her twin) was a beast at 18m - 2, and a dream from 3 onwards.

Kids will have their phases at different times.

NavyTurtle · 29/01/2026 12:49

myboyThree · 27/01/2026 11:57

I have an older girl who is 6. By nearly 4, she had stopped having as many tantrums. My son will be 4 in May.

He just seems really babyish still. He always wants to get his way and he just doesn’t let it go when he doesn’t get his way. He cries buckets of tears and screams his head off.

he is not happy to go to preschool some days. I can’t work out why. He just says he wants to stay with me. I’ve told his teachers who say he seems happy. But this morning for example, he was just refusing to get dressed. There is just a lot of resistance for routine tasks like going to bed. He often has a meltdown because he doesn’t want to go to bed.

at preschool they say he’s doing ok. Not always perfect at following instructions there but they say on the whole he is a sweet, clever, kind boy.

he is ok sometimes at home but other times it’s so hard. I do the usual, giving him choices to make him feel in control of decisions, but he is so determined to have it his way, that the strategies don’t work. It’s like he always just wants to do the opposite thing.

he is so demanding. When he wants something he will cry and whine until he gets it. Or another example, this morning in the car we listened to the song he wanted 2-3 times and then another song came on and my daughter and I wanted to listen to it, but he didn’t. He cried and complained the entire way through. I didn’t back down and change it, but had to listen to him complain and cry. He ruins things a lot for us, when it’s not what he wants. Another example is his jacket. He never wants to wear it/ refuses etc. we’ve had instances where he’s cried for 30 minutes because we made him wear a jacket.

I use a reward jar with him, which sometimes works. But other times not as much.

I know these are all normal toddlerish things and I’ve been through it all with my daughter. But with her, it was getting better at this age.

I can’t imagine him going to school in September ! I can’t believe he’s 4 in a few short months. He behaves like he’s 2 and a half, a lot of the time.

any advice ? Is it still normal for his age ?

A child of his age has no idea how to deal with choices - they prefer clear instructions so they don't have to make a decision as they can't. He is panicking as you are putting him in situations that he cannot cope with and does not know how to deal with. His jacket - why make him wear it - so he will get cold or wet, he will soon wear his jacket, trust me. Its not worth the battle.

teaandtoastwouldbenice · 29/01/2026 12:54

Normal.
If possible make sure he gets as much sleep as possible and down time after nursery with low expectations. Plenty of filling foods.
I think there’s something in difference between boys and girls in terms of emotional maturity and independence but lots disagree. There’s also something about comparing the second child to first who sets the parental expectations.

delightful1 · 29/01/2026 12:54

My little boy’s behaviour was the worst age 3-4. Feel for you as it’s really frustrating

PullingOutHair123 · 29/01/2026 13:17

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Remember, it is just a phase...

My approach was to ignore the tantrum - focused on play with the elder child (assuming she wasn't also having a bad day for any reason), oh how I laughed as we built a tower from bricks and knocked it down. He would become very curious as to what all the fun was about on the other side of the room, forget his tantrum, and come and join us building and knocking down towers (or whatever). Did same if elder sister wasn't around as well, just by myself. Must of looked mad...

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