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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pre-teens no longer want friends to come round?

31 replies

Hufflemuff · 27/01/2026 05:58

I have a preteen DS11 who just loves coming home and relaxing after school. Has sports on Tuesday night and one weekend day, but just has no interest in having mates over. Not even for a sleepover - which i was nagged about all the way through school years 4-6. He played out constantly throughout his younger years, i would have to drag him in!

Ive spoken to a few friends and theyre all saying the same. Once their childs hit year 7, they're treating school friends like work colleagues. Getting on well at school - but home time is "for them" and no-one wants to go to their friends house after school anymore - meet up on weekends etc...

AIBU to worry?! Hes content, home and happy. I know where he is and what hes doing - so should I shut up and just enjoy it!?

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 27/01/2026 17:20

I do think not being in WhatsApp groups may be limiting socially

I get what you say about large groups being bitchy. My ds has seen this first hand and now refuses to join those. But does have some between 3/4 pals which I keep an eye on and not seen any issues

99pwithaflake · 27/01/2026 17:24

Hufflemuff · 27/01/2026 17:01

He has got it - but not allowed on group chats. The class whatsapp chat in year 6 was sent happy slapping videos of one classmate slapping and the other being slapped - it was awful. A few of the girls on this chat were bitching about one boy in the class, saying they hope he dies. Hes gone up to secondary (and hasn't had whatsapp group chats the entire time hes been there) but weve had about 6 parent emails about bullying on whatsapp groups being rife. One year 8 was involved in revenge porn and circulated around a school group with over 80 students in it.

So its not worth it in my opinions!

Show quote history

Can he not just have a group with him and his close mates?

Original poster
Hufflemuff · 27/01/2026 17:39

99pwithaflake · 27/01/2026 17:24

Can he not just have a group with him and his close mates?

Show quote history

I have offered that- but he isnt even fussed anymore! He even seems to think that's too much socialising. He doesn't even want his friends numbers - when hes done with school its like they all dissappear into the ether! Its almost funny how cut and dry he is about it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Hufflemuff · 27/01/2026 17:42

Clearinguptheclutter · 27/01/2026 17:20

I do think not being in WhatsApp groups may be limiting socially

I get what you say about large groups being bitchy. My ds has seen this first hand and now refuses to join those. But does have some between 3/4 pals which I keep an eye on and not seen any issues

Its horrible isnt it!

Kids can be really nasty, although i dont think theyre old enough at 10/11 to understand how a message comes across and why its not ok to put it in a chat. Its a bit different whispered between you IRL but they dont see the difference

OP posts:
Original poster
Hufflemuff · 27/01/2026 17:44

MinnieMountain · 27/01/2026 07:30

How much time does he spend outside in general? We're a bit more aware of this as we were told it makes a difference to DS's shortsightedness not getting worse.

He has sports club for 1.5 hours on Tuesday. Sunday has sports for 1 hour. Then on Saturday or Sunday we go for a walk or go out to visit family/do an activity. Bikes to school there and back which is a good 15 mins too. So he does get out.

OP posts:
independentfriend · 28/01/2026 23:06

This may change in the summer when there are light evenings and better weather for outdoor activities/ socialising.

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