Need to vent, AIBU?

[itozz]

I'm beyond frustrated right now, me and husband decided to removed YouTube from our TV and delete Roblox for our 6 year old daughter's mental health and development. She was naturally very annoyed to start with and it was a very difficult adjustment however she was doing really well, engaging more with arts and crafts and her homeschool materials, her reading was improving and behaviour generally was beginning to get more calm and regulated. My husband gets annoyed about the TV thing because he uses YouTube for research and pays for Premium so begrudges paying when he can only watch it on his phone and Chromebook. He's put in back on the TV once before and within 24 hours, she was back to watching content that I deemed scary, triggering and suggestive. So it was gone again, back to the slog of dealing with the transition but she dealt with it okay. This past 3 days, he's decided that he needs it on the TV again and adding a code to his account and just having her use YouTube Kids is enough protection. Cue, the doom scrolling through videos of bloody Reborn dolls and A for Adley nonsense and fake videos that play on insecurities about being ill, weather disasters and supernatural bullsh*t. Here go the power struggles again, you can only watch when supervised (why have it then, if it's so bad it needs that?), turn it off now and find something else to do, I hate yous, you're the worst parents in the world and violent emotional outbursts etc etc etc. AIBU in being entirely frustrated with the situation and being resentful that it will be me that deals with the fallout of the dysregulation that Youtube causes whilst he's at work? Feels like wading in treacle, anything good and productive I try to do as a parent doesn't feel effective when hideous content is just canceling out all the good stuff I'm trying to achieve? Anyone else at loggerheads with their partner like this? I don't know how to prove to him it's such a toxic medium if her addictive consumption of it and rapid escalation of violent behaviour and anxiety doesn't work? He's turning it around to being my fault because I'm not strong enough to monitor usage and put limits on screen time.

It takes a couple of minutes to download an app on the telly. Why can't he add it and remove it when he's finished watching it. (Also interested to know what research he uses youtube for)

Do you only have one TV? Can't he use another TV in a bedroom/office and remove the remote when it's not in use?

We have the YouTube app on the telly but my similar aged child doesn't watch it. We have a small amount of screen time and then the remote goes away. This isn't an app issue, it's a parenting issue. Stop letting her at the telly, put the remote away and sit her down with her toys.

We deleted it and said no more. And a few months later added it back and they didn't notice. They use it for drawing videos but they know they have to ask and only in the kitchen where I am. But your dh is a prick.

Your 6 year old needs to understand she doesn't own the TV, her parents do.

It's ridiculous to think he can't have Youtube on it if he wants to.

Mine would be told it's adults only and they can tantrum until they're blue in the face, but they don't rule the roost.

She’s 6, he’s an adult. It’s perfectly fine and normal that he can use something he likes on the TV which she’s now allowed to. Far better to manage her access to what’s on your TV and her behaviour than feel you have to remove stuff completely. I’ve got a 6 year old fwiw and struggle to believe anyone lets such a young child loose on something like YouTube then complains it upsets them. Ban her from accessing it, supervise her, if she kicks off about ban her from the TV. She’ll survive.

I have gin in my kitchen. I’m allowed to drink it as I’m an adult, my children aren’t. I don’t care how much they’d like to have a bit, it would be bad for them so they’re not allowed. I keep it on a shelf that’s out of reach but my daughter could get to it by standing on a chair. It wouldn’t occur to her to try because she knows alcohol isn’t safe for her.

The first massive mistake was ever letting her roam free on YouTube but a second would be choosing not to manage her behaviour without banning other people from using it on the family telly now you see the damage it can do.

Her dad is a dick!

I agree with this. At 6 years old, how the hell did it get to this point. She should never have been watching standard YouTube unsupervised with you having no clue what she was watching, screen time should include the tv, and at the most, access to YouTube kids should have been allowed with time restrictions.

You shouldn’t need to remove it - you saying “no” should be enough. So if your child can only be regulated by literally removing it, and telling them no doesn’t work, you’ve gone wrong somewhere on the way. How exactly is she getting access to watch it for a long time without supervision unless you’re simply leaving her to her own devices whilst you work/do jobs/relax in a different room? Your partner shouldn’t need to remove the app if the two of you had done your job properly in the first place, which is teach her the word no, put boundaries in place and absolutely no unsupervised access at this age!

Given you are in this position, maybe agree a particular time of day is tv time IF certain behaviours or tasks have been done? Eg 20 mins at noon if morning home school tasks are done, then 20 mins at 4pm if afternoon tasks are done. And only from YouTube kids and with you in the room. You then use the content in some learning capacity, at least for one session. Ask questions about what she’s just watched, what it means, what she remembers, etc. Any arguments about switching off results in lost time at the next session - then follow through.

To me this is like having biscuits in the cupboard, adults can have one when they want, 6 year olds need permission!

I removed it off the roku i can access it through another screen on the TV my son doesn't know about that

Can you set a profile on the TV for her? With set screen limits and appropriate apps?

Maybe instead of the TV she can have a tablet with appropriate content controls and limits?

Is he even around when she kicks off?

I agree with your analogy about the gin to some extent. And if the DD had never had gin, your approach would be exactly right. The problem is that here the parents have given her gin, allowed her to become an alcoholic, and then instead of doing what you would do if you lived with a recovering alcoholic and not having gin in the house at all, they have left the gin prominently in the fridge where she sees it every time she goes to the fridge to get a glass of milk.

Whatever you do, do not allow her back on Roblox. It’s awful addictive crap, games are rubbish, and its only purpose is to part kids from their (your) real world money buying nonsense digital content. There are plenty of proper age appropriate computer games she could play if you want to allow her some gaming time. Though personally I think 6 is too young.

She’s six. How can she even use the tv if you decide she can’t? Put the remote away. Or turn off the power to it and put a lock on the outlet. She’s six. She can’t get at the tv if yo take a few simple precautions.

He's a twat!

However, I also agree with many others. You are her parent, why is she having unfettered access to the TV?

she wouldn't be in my house!

The problem with parents being parenting avoidant, is that it doesn't stop with just one issue.

So lets say you get rid of Youtube completely, she'll end up tantrumming over something else and then something else and so on.

She needs to learn that no means no.

I imagine she's learnt what no means when her teacher says it.

Does your DD have additional needs? If not I can see where your DH is coming from. In normal circumstances it should be easy enough to monitor and restrict what a 6 year old does on the TV. Are you not always with her anyway to prevent her getting into the doom scrolling and inappropriate videos? Children need to learn that they can't always have what they want just because it's there. She couldn't go in a sweet shop and eat all she wanted in there.

I have a fire stick and the YouTube app can only be accessed if you have the password. Just tell your daughter it’s for parents not children. You can even hide the app.

I'm beyond frustrated right now, me and husband decided to removed YouTube from our TV and delete Roblox for our 6 year old daughter's mental health and development. She was naturally very annoyed to start with and it was a very difficult adjustment however she was doing really well, engaging more with arts and crafts and her homeschool materials, her reading was improving and behaviour generally was beginning to get more calm and regulated. My husband gets annoyed about the TV thing because he uses YouTube for research and pays for Premium so begrudges paying when he can only watch it on his phone and Chromebook. He's put in back on the TV once before and within 24 hours, she was back to watching content that I deemed scary, triggering and suggestive. So it was gone again, back to the slog of dealing with the transition but she dealt with it okay. This past 3 days, he's decided that he needs it on the TV again and adding a code to his account and just having her use YouTube Kids is enough protection. Cue, the doom scrolling through videos of bloody Reborn dolls and A for Adley nonsense and fake videos that play on insecurities about being ill, weather disasters and supernatural bullsh*t. Here go the power struggles again, you can only watch when supervised (why have it then, if it's so bad it needs that?), turn it off now and find something else to do, I hate yous, you're the worst parents in the world and violent emotional outbursts etc etc etc. AIBU in being entirely frustrated with the situation and being resentful that it will be me that deals with the fallout of the dysregulation that Youtube causes whilst he's at work? Feels like wading in treacle, anything good and productive I try to do as a parent doesn't feel effective when hideous content is just canceling out all the good stuff I'm trying to achieve? Anyone else at loggerheads with their partner like this? I don't know how to prove to him it's such a toxic medium if her addictive consumption of it and rapid escalation of violent behaviour and anxiety doesn't work? He's turning it around to being my fault because I'm not strong enough to monitor usage and put limits on screen time. https://xender.vip/

I got this,...

weve got a passcode on YouTube. Much easier than faffing with downloading etc

There’s no reason having the app on the tv should allow her to watch it, she’s 6, say no and don’t allow her to click on the app if she has the remote.

You just need to parent your child. How pathetic is all this.

This. Bluntly OP, your husbands right. You need to be a stronger parent, monitor her usage and learn to say no, otherwise, in a few years, you’ll have an even bigger issue on your hands.

Please tell me this isn’t real and your SIX (!!) year old has not just been freely watching YouTube and Roblox. At that age they shouldn’t even know about accessing them to get angry.