Paying at 3YO birthday

[ambitiousgoose]

AIBU - invited to a meal for my pals 3YO son’s birthday celebrations. We pre-ordered & nothing was mentioned about payment. A week later she sends a message telling me what we owe along with her bank details. Has etiquette gone out of the window? We travelled an hour to this event & it’s just hit a nerve with me.
Also didn’t get a thank you for his gift 🙈

Is what she’s asking what it cost? Is it a proportion of the party or the usual soft play/food cost?

Was it a kids focused party with other kids or at a restaurant just adults?

food cost

Ooft. I wouldn't have expected to pay unless that had been made clear at the beginning. An invitation to a party isn't the same as agreeing to meet for dinner

It was at a restaurant- not particularly child centered

I wouldn't expect her to pay for my food unless she specifically said dinner is on me.

Regardless of anything, a thank you is the absolute minimum for a gift...

Incidentally, what did she say when you thanked her for the meal?

I’d have assumed I’m paying too. We often do birthday meals with adults and we each pay for our own. No one would ever do anything if we paid for everyone.

Edited to add that not thanking you is extremely rude.

What an odd party for a 3YO. And even weirder no costs were mentioned until after the fact with a request for bank transfer. Whatever happened to tea and cake at home or a church hall with a bouncy castle??

She asked you to pay before or after you attended the meal?

Are you being asked to pay for your food, or child's?
It sounds like labeling it a party is/was misleading or a misunderstanding.
Sound like its an arranged meal out for an occasion, with pre ordered meals from a set menu?
If thats the case, I would expect to pay for my own family.

It sounds like it was an adult dinner rather than a kids party in which case I would have expected to cover my costs. It sounds really odd though to invite adults out to celebrate a kid’s birthday. I can see why you were confused

I’m being asked to pay for my whole families meals (drinks we paid for at the bar) I guess I presumed as we were invited and nothing was mentioned tokens about payment on the day, I concluded it was paid for. I even said to DH on the way home what a nice thing to do 😂🙈 I did message thanking her & also asking if we owed anything for dinner (out of politeness) but after not hearing anything I thought she’d covered it. it just feels rude a week later.

For a meal in a restaurant I’d expect to pay for myself and my child.

Yabu you have been invited out for a meal of course you pay for your own food

Strange birthday celebration for a 3 year old but I would expect to pay for the meals for my self/my family.

I would have expected talk about payment arrangements at the end of the meal though not a week later by text.

Blimey that's embarrassing OP, of course you pay for your own food in a restaurant!

whenever I’ve hosted a birthday celebration for myself or DH I’ve always paid for those I’ve invited. Should I not? I always thought it was the decent thing to do as I’m inviting them, choosing the venue etc

Are you rich

@ambitiousgoose I’ve never experienced this with friends. The in laws have paid for meals for us all before but certainly was not anticipated.

Not to mention the cost!

You must be very well off then

How many people were there? What kind of restaurant was it? It doesn’t sound like a kids party really. Did the host pay the bill on the day? With just no mention whatsoever of others paying for themselves? Then messaged a week later asking for money? All sounds a bit bizzare!

Invitation to a restaurant? I’d expect to pay my own way. YABU

I would expect to pay for our family.

Did the child thank you for the gift on the day?
That would be enough thanks for me.

If it was a get together for adults and the kid just so happened to be there and he happened to wear a party hat and there happened to be cake, yes I would expect to pay - you're essentially meeting up for dinner.

if it was in a softplay with 25 kids and she ordered a sandwich platter for the parents to eat while the kids were running wild then no, I would not expect to pay.

not saying thank you for the gift is rude