Marriage Advice

[Newname699032]

I had this in relationships but moved it to hear in hope of more traffic.

I'm so torn.
Married 9 years this year, together 14 altogether. I know now I should never have married him. I was just out of a relationship with a guy I loved so much, was hurt, met my now DH, who despite being young, when I look back now I can see he lovebombed me a bit. And I think I was just happy to be loved, which makes me so sad to think of now.
He's not a bad guy. But I know there is some subtle control. He has treated me with disrespect down through the years, disguised as 'humour'. I'm no wallflower and wouldn't accept it, but I did really because we're still together. I was also never hugely attracted to him which was a recipe for disaster really.
So to now. 5 years on we have our gorgeous daughter. We only wanted one. Well I wasn't prepared to have another with him as I couldn't trust him to pull his weight as he didn't when our daughter was a baby and I have huge resentment. Even now, he adores her but I still do the vast majority. Same with the house. His lack of helping with housework genuinely stresses me because of the mess he makes.
I try talking about it and he goes into denial. Says he'll try harder and does for a while. I don't want to hurt him but I don't think I can do this long term. I'm 38 and I dont think I'd struggle to find someone else, but whether I'd find a good man I dont know. I'm scared to be on my own. Plus finances...a big part of my husbands reluctantance for us to split is he doesnt want to get screwed financially. He earns well, a lot more than me but where we live the housing market is dire and I don't know how we'd make two homes work.

[post edited by MNHQ to remove the extra copy&paste text]

I dont know how I even left out such an important detail in my OP. But earlier today when I said to him that we should talk later (he knows I mean about our marriage as, despite trying to be in denial, he knows I'm unhappy). This was prompted by him being snappy with our daughter while lying around as usual and not doing anything helpful or constructive in the house. I know I sound so critical and judgey saying that but it's where I'm at. Anything, he tried to shut it down by sighing and saying, 'no, I'm not talking later, etc'.

A little while after this again I again calmly tried to say that once our daughter is in bed we can talk and he said something along the lines of 'I may as well write my (suicide) note then as there's no point in my life. You don't care about me'. This isn't the first time he's said something like this and I did get very annoyed at him and told him that I wasn't going to accept that kind of emotional manipulation (he's not suicidal in general- at least not to my knowledge). He did look upset when he said it, eyes looked a bit watery but I do feel its said in an attempt to shut down the conversation and feel sorry for him. He then sulked, wouldn't talk and is currently upstairs watching the football.