Husband meeting someone else

[UnhappyScroller]

Long story. I've worked a challenging and time consuming job for years thinking I was going the right thing to provide stability and a future for my family (husband & 2 teenagers). Last October I find out hubby has been meeting up with a woman behind my back. I caught them a few times, nothing other than a "friendly" meeting up it would appear. My reaction was one of devastation, both them could see that. I've begged him to stop "being friends " with her but he blames me gor his loneliness (my job). He swears there's never been anything else. NYE she rung him needing his help in an emergency, he went to help her. They share a common interest and I have "agreed" that he can continue with this as long as he's open about it. I thought I could handle it but I can't. Mentally and physically I'm in a real mess. Am I right in thinking that she clearly wants more? I think he's flattered by her attention. AIBU to believe that this is a non-negotiable?

Well now you have the time to invest in your relationship you can ask him to do the same. Suggest he reduces contact with her so you can spend more time together and possibly try some couples counselling. Don't try and play it cool, be completely honest about how their friendship effects you.

He left you on NYE to go be with the other woman.

Prepare for your marriage to end. I'd let friends and family know he's visiting and spending time with another woman, get your support lined up, and get a lawyer consult so you're armed with information how to expect a split to go

Does he work?

How did he even meet her in the first place & how did you come to find out about her ?

This does sound like an emotional affair. I have a few guy friends but my partner knows them too and tends to get invited out by them as well depending on what it is. Hiding a friendship and prioritising the friend over your partner is not on! I would personally be giving an ultimatum to stop seeing this woman and getting him to go to counselling with you!

Fair enough, please ignore my post. Hope things work out for you.

Nonsense!

Lots of men have middle-aged bald male people they hang out with. They are called "mates". They just don't normally want to mate with them.

Youcsaid she knew you were devastated when you caught them meeting up.

So, she knows he's married. She knows you are upset by them meeting up. She still called for him to come to her home on NYE and he went.

She's not vulnerable, she's predatory. Her calling him on NYE was to show you your place and it's behind her.

Neither of these people respect you or your marriage.

What sort of woman knowingly meets up with a married man when clearly his wife is unaware though?

It doesn't really matter what she's like as she's not the one at fault in this scenario.

Your husband is the one cheating on you. She's not cheating on you. He should be held accountable for his actions.

Why did she get divorced? If it was due to her ex’s infidelity, then I’d be pointing out she’s dipping her toes in the same water now by knowingly intruding on your marriage.

While it’s not her potentially cheating on you - that’s all on your husband - I despise women who do this to married women, so, IMO, she’s at fault too.

Many men love to ‘rescue’ women. She’s vulnerable, you say, so your DH is probably convincing himself he’s just being an oh-so-helpful friend to the poor woman, but that’s usually far from true. It’s an emotional affair and he knows it. My ex did this: poor vulnerable woman, he was just being kind and I was a big old insecure meanie ruining his fun expressing my concern and unhappiness.

Trust your gut. There’s nothing wrong with friends of the opposite sex but we can usually tell if it crosses a line.

It doesn’t matter what time he went to her house. Why did he even go - why is this woman asking a married man to come round to her house on NYE? (Though this is probably a total lie anyway - emergency my arse).

Classic Married man swooping in and rescuing the poor soon to be divorced woman.

It’s so obvious they want to shag even if they’re not already (they are).

If my dh suddenly made a new single female friend whom he just had to visit on NYE we’d be having a very serious sit down conversation about boundaries and what’s acceptable in a marriage.

How would he react if you went along on these outings??

There are some right wet wipes on here excusing this behaviour honestly, get a grip OP. You KNOW this isn’t right.

I was once inadvertently the OW - he told me all sorts about his wife and probably told her all sorts about me when she found out. Men lie and lie and lie again to get what they want. ie, nice, compliant wifey at home washing his undies, cooking his dinner and providing him with the happy home life facade and the willing OW who provides excitement and an ego massage and hot sex. It’s such a cliche.

Put a stop to it or tell him to sling his hook.

Your updates make me more suspicious of his actions.
A newly divorced woman and he’s acting like the knight in shining armour on New Years Eve!
this could all be innocent but it’s making you uncomfortable so here lies the issue. Your comfort shoukd take priority over hers.
I think you need to sit down with DH and discuss what both of you can do to help your relationship. How do both of you make each other the priority. Your end goal has to be the two of you as a team.