Am I being sensitive

[Billyvanillie]

I celebrated my 50th birthday and my stepson of 11 years just got me a card. I make sure my children got my partner a birthday present for his 50th last year.
When I asked they just shrugged it off and said I was going to get you a bottle of wine but I forgot. My partner just laughed.

When you say you asked, assume you meant you asked your partner, not the child? Your partner should have ensured his son had got you a present yes.

Make it clear you are upset!

I make sure my children got my partner a birthday present

I presume you won't be doing that again.

Happy Birthday 🎂

Partner problem. Child can be forgiven but partner should have made this happen for you

It's mean of spirit to have laughed and not a good example to set to his son. As others have suggested stop buying gifts from your children. He doesn't deserve it.

Are we talking about an adult stepson here?

How old is the dss? If hes been in your life 11 years he could be an adult? If a child then its on your dp and its poor form. If hes an adult in full time work then its still poor and yanbu but ypung adults can be immature so id be annoyed but more forgiving in the case of the latter

if A child, then present comes under parents gift. If an adult or older teen, then that’s awful and your dps reaction is pretty disappointing also. Eleven years is a long time, and they should know that 50 is a big birthday. I’d feel very disrespected and hurt.

Is DSS in his 20's? I think some people are assuming he is a child. I'm not suprised to be honest. There are a lot of selfish/self absorbed young men out there.
If he's a teen/child your DP should have prompted/helped him.
I can't believe you asked "where's my present" 😂Your DP probably laughed to diffuse the situation, as it was a special day.
If he's an adult, just get him a card for his next birthday (unless he's 21 - I couldn't do that).

I guess it depends on the age of stepson.
If he’s a child/ teenager then I would expect your dh to help with arranging a gift.

If he’s an adult then do you have a close relationship?

I would be most upset about your partner laughing at it.

Sorry OP but I honestly can't believe you demanded to know where your present was! Surely even a child asking that would be considered really bad mannered?

Even if you were surprised and hurt that there wasn't a present nobody is actually entitled to a birthday present. It's entirely up to the individual whether they give a present. Unless a child is too young to be able to organise or buy a present themselves then of course the choice to organise a gift is down to another adult to do or not do on their behalf.

Of course you have every right to be hurt i
and upset at not receiving a gift. And it may make you see that person in a new light. Also it should make you rethink your own future gift giving plans.

My stepson is 20 years old.

Yes, he is 20 x

So your children got your partner a gift only because you intervened. If your children needed to be told, then it clearly wasn't a priority for them. What makes you think that it would be a priority for your stepson?

Have you bought gifts for people because, as an adult, your parents told you to?

I'm wondering if gifts are your 'love language'. (I haven't read the book, at least I think it's a book. I suspect gifts might be one of them. I might be wrong). Do you feel unappreciated because of the lack of a gift? It might help to know that not everyone feels that way. I certainly don't. I suspect your stepson doesn't either. It's not a slight, he just doesn't place importance on gifts, and maybe doesn't realise that it's very important to you. (This is all guesswork on my part, don't come at me, readers, asking how I know. I don't).

At 20 he’s probably just a selfish asshat, most of us are. I genuinely didn’t realise how selfish I was until I was maybe mid to late twenties, even though I left home and had kids young. Things like this don’t enter your mind- the effect not getting a token gift at least would have on someone. In his mind he’ll have done enough by getting the card because at least he didn’t forget.

A 20 year old lad sent his SM a birthday card…. I mean, that seems pretty thoughtful to me.

Do fully grown people care for presents these days? Cant you just buy what you need and when you need and cut the tat out?

Considering sending a card these days is like a tenner :D

A card is fine. Very thoughtful