I'm turning into an unsociable control freak

[Soashamed60]

Many years ago, before dc, I was a control freak re tidyness in the house. It lapsed, but now they're gone I'm reverting back to it.
I've recently taken early retirement after some low level bullying. The more I have the house to myself the more unsociable I'm becoming. My lovely, hen pecked dh gets on my nerves. The poor man works so hard, gave me his blessing to retire. I'm sitting here furious because he's left his cup in the lounge & gone to bed instead of clearing it away. My dc make me proud, but I'm happy just to speak every now & again. Same with friends. This weekend I've been awful to my dh, bossy, nagging & controlling. We've been away a couple of times since I retired and I was fine. It's just the more I'm at home the more I wan't to be on my own & enjoy the silence.
How do I stop this seemingly uncontrollable rage washing over me. I feel like I'm one nasty bully in the home.

Are you menopausal?

Yes, menopause was the first thing that occurred to me as well.

Regardless of hormones, though, you still need to give your brain something to do. Get yourself out of the house every day so that you can enjoy the peace and quiet when you get it, rather than let it become a fixation. Volunteer, join a club, learn a new skill, polish up an old one.

I'm 60. I sailed through menopause without really noticing it. I have a nice life so I don't get why this red mist keeps descending, turning me into such a cow to dh. He does not deserve it.

Why don't you just tell your dh what you told us? Tell him you don't mean to be the way you've behaved with him, apologize, and I would say some of this is as a result of the early retirement. Its okay to want to be alone sometimes. Have you thought about taking a solo weekend trip? I did that for the first time last year and really enjoyed it!

Maybe you need a job or some purpose in life to get you out of the house? Volunteer? 60 is young to retire if you're in good health. You could be at home another 30 years.
At least you see the issue, which is great.

Do you have any trauma in your past?

I think volunteering and therapy could be a good combo.

I think you need to get out more. Let me guess you let up after your kids were older and you went back to work?

Not being snarky in the slightest. It sounds like your world has shrunk after retirement and it’s not healthy to stress or seethe about a left cup.

This sounds eerily similar to my mum who was the first to admit she wasn’t cut out or happy staying home. I agreed wholeheartedly with her .. she would have been a miserable SAHM.

It’s ok! It’s not a moral failing. Now is the time to do things you want to do… be that long lunches or volunteering.