Crippling anxiety

[Pippa12]

Can anybody help me out with this awful feeling I have inside. I’m going away tomorrow with my husband for three nights- I booked and planned it, I was excited for it. My children are safe with my mum, my son (10) happy, my daughter (13) a little tearful when we were leaving but ok- currently in bed playing adopt me, eaten her tea and we’ve spoken since- she’s settled, dancing in fact telling me what she wants from duty free!

But- Im a mess- tearful, vomiting, hands and feet freezing. Terrible thoughts of hiding passports etc. I’ve never been good at saying bye but this is nuts? We’ve had a terrible few months, my husband has been very ill, I’ve been ill… it’s been a shit show. We need this break but I’m going to ruin in!!!

could being Peri- menopausal cause it?

Anybody know if OTC options for anxiety in Spain?

Anybody go away for weekends without the kids have any tips!?

kindness would really be appreciated as I couldn’t feel much worse than now.

Ah bless you no real advice here but I just wanted to say I know what your going thru. I had a dream trip booked last October and in the end bottled it leaving my kids. Ive not had anything like it before. Ive since been able to leave them but that one was just so overwhelming. Just wanted to send love and solidarity.

Excitement and fear feel very similar.. try telling yourself it’s a mixture of the two.. and have a glass of red vermouth when you get there or tinto verano. 😜

I think once you go you’ll be ok. Focus on trying to sleep tonight. Bath, candle, meditation?

Think see GP when you get back. Magnesium helps with sleep

I hope you enjoy the trip

That sounds extreme for leaving a 10 and 13 year old in safe hands. Is there anything in particular that you're worried about? Sometimes there's something in the back of our minds causing the anxiety that isn't obvious to us. I used to get awful anxiety driving sometimes then figured out it happened when I was worried about something separate. Finding the real cause can help with rationalising it and feeling better.

Thank so much for that. I feel like I’m not such a Wally to hear others had the same experience- although I’m sad for you you missed your trip. Did you manage to go again?

I agree, it is really extreme. They are older and busy with school and multiple clubs etc. My mum is so excited to have them. We are back Thursday afternoon. My emotions are disproportionate.

My DH is having surgery soon for a (fingers crossed benign) tumour. Following this, the children will need to be tested because the condition is hereditary. This has all escalated since Christmas- it’s been a tough few weeks.

Maybe this is the last few weeks coming out

Perimenopause seriously screwed with me.

I had palpitations, anxiety+++++ (not ever been an anxious person)

I thought I was having a cardiac arrest. I was literally in bits.

HRT was my eventual saviour but propranolol really helped in the interim.

See your GP.

Thank you. I had a brush with anxiety in covid due to my job but I have been settled.

I’ve torn the cupboards apart for the propanalol I was sure I had (and is most likely out of date!) for some releif.

A GP appointment is probably not unreasonable.

Ive started to calm. I’m so hopeful it has passed now.

I think this context makes it all make a lot more sense. That sounds like a really awful start to the year! Your body is probably in a state of waiting for the next thing to go wrong.

Hold on to that knowledge that your feelings aren't a reflection of reality, and that they will pass. I've always found it never really helps telling myself not to get anxious, but it can help to both accept that I am feeling anxious and remind myself that my feelings aren't facts.

I hope you have a lovely holiday and all the best for your DH's treatment and recovery.

Buy Tila Tea. It will calm you down. I think you are having perimenopause. I went through similar. Hope your husband supports you. It gets very irrational and on top of that you can feel stupid as you are aware of the over the top responses. I promise you it is common for some women. Even more so if you have been stressed. 🌺

You'll be ok.

You will get through this.

Anxiety is horrible but IT IS ONLY A FEELING.

it doesn't define you, it will not control you, it's not nice but it won't harm you.

Breathing techniques can really help. Find a rectangle, a window, a door, a TV screen. Breathe in for a count of 5 on the short side of the rectangle. Breathe out for a count of 10 on the llong side.

You can not only control panic this way, you can put yourself to sleep if you are struggling with insomnia. Take back control.

You will be FINE

It sounds like the stress of all you've got going on has caught up with you, you can only be strong for so long and you've probably been holding it together for the kids so the thought of leaving them means your emotions are coming out! Try and get some sleep (there's some good sleep meditations and anxiety relief ones on the Calm App) and tomorrow get some rescue remedy and stick it in your handbag for the trip - it's got me through some stressful flights, I'm not a great flier! Once you're away, don't try and make things 'perfect' - allow yourself a good cry if you feel like it and tell DH when you need a hug, a lie down or just a walk on your own if you feel like it. I'm sure you will have a good time once you get there 💐

Your nervous system is fired up with that stress and added to peri anxiety, that’s likely what’s causing the anxious feelings. When you feel it coming do sone calming breathing exercises… breathe in for 5 through your nose and out though your mouth for at least 7 seconds.. and switch off the news, reduce your caffeine and stop watching anything scary… you’re safe. And your children are safe. I find kalms are good but the breathing is where it’s really at. Magnesium, vit d and folate all help me.

are you on hrt? Might be worth exploring although during peri, it’s the progesterone drops that often induce anxious feelings.

remember that most places in Spain have flights every few hours so you’re a max of hours before you could get home in any emergency. Reassure yourself by checking flight timetables if you think that would help? And don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have the best time. Just have an experience in another country and you might find you reduce the pressure on yourself..

That is worrying, the anxiety makes more sense knowing that is going on. Fingers crossed for your DH and DC.

Morning, hope youve managed some sleep and are able to go?
Glad I was able to help a little. Sometimes it helps to know you aren't alone. I have been on other trips since but not that specific one....I have it rearranged for September, am determined to make it as it really is a dream trip for me, but it involves leaving the children for a week (they will be fine i know) but mum guilt!!! And im a single parent so I feel even worse as they depend on me more than their dad.
I think this is what tips me over the edge, the guilt....

I hope you have a fantastic trip, where are u off to?

Just read this. Im so sorry to hear of your current situations.....I have everything crossed for you.
It sounds like you have been living in flight or fight mide for a while because of these health concerns (and rightly so) so this constant adrenaline keeps your body on alert and you are heightened. That could explain the anxiety xx

Perimenopause made me have anxiety attacks leaving my town even when it was to do something I'd been really looking forward to do.

I'm never been a home body. I've moved so many time my entire life until the last decades. I love traveling, I love adventure. It made absolutely no sense. So much that I didn't put two and two together for years. It was hell. I couldn't even drive anywhere outside of my town. It lasted until I finally found the right treatment for me. I went back to being the person I was, driving everywhere, all the way to France, travelling on exotic trips abroad.

I thought I was mad but speaking to others over the years and it actually isn't unusual at all although very strange, that's for sure!

I hope you're OK. Just tell yourself that it is indeed mist likely hormonal, that it is not you going mad and that you WILL be okay.

Thanks so much for all replying- I’m so grateful for you all sharing your experiences. I’m definitely peri, changed my coil at the start of the year but still having so many symptoms.

Unfortunately our flight was absolutely hideous with turbulence and I was a mess. I had rescue remedy at the ready. It wasn’t pretty but I got on the plane and came. I’m a terrible flyer, I’ve had hypnotherapy in the past but for some reason it didn’t kick in.

Im thinking of coming home Wednesday night instead, there are some flights relatively cheap. I feel like the extra night is tipping me over the edge. Although my husband is supportive, he’s frustrated with my anxiety probably because he really needs the break.

If your DH wants to stay and he has been unwell and is having surgery then can you reframe your thoughts into the narrative that he needs you to try to relax and enjoy the trip you both wanted to take? If you give in to panic you could end up living a very small life when you get home and start to panic about more and more things.

Definitely see your GP when you return.

Google how to help your anxiety without taking medication

Presumably you know about breathing and grounding or doesn't it work.