“Just you wait…”

[LittleLamb93]

Am I being unreasonable for feeling frustrated every time my family/friends turn our conversations into “just you wait” or “everything changes”?

I know people mean well, but it is incredibly patronising! It’s as though, once a baby arrives, distance and resentment are simply inevitable and my relationship is doomed.

What gets to me is how the goalposts keep moving. When we were teenagers, it was “just you wait until you’re older and have real adult problems.” When we got engaged, it became “just you wait until you move in together.” Now it’s about babies. Every stage is framed as the point where things finally get hard enough to push our relationship beyond repair. Like each stage is now the real test.

Maybe things will get hard. I’m not denying that but I’m struggling not to lose the plot every time someone thinks their “encouraging” words are just that! It feels like we are being placed on a pedestal we are never supposed to reach and our relationship is untested until we have hit all the milestones they perceive we need to have met!

Apologies for this rant but I’ve had a few too many comments thrown at me this week and I need to know whether I’m being unreasonable or have permission to tell people to get lost 😂

Agree it's incredibly obnoxious. These are the same people who would lose their minds if someone told them they didn't fancy having kids at all.

I hate it too but I honestly just ignore the comments. We have 2 under 2, not sure there is a greater test than that and while life is definitely more chaotic than it was when we were just two young people engaged and spending lots of time together my husband and I are still very much happy and love our life together as a family!

This normally comes from boring people who have led boring lives in small boring towns. I wouldn't take too much notice.

Totally reasonable for you to do that. People like to be “right”, and think the way to do that is be pessimistic and wag the finger at anyone younger or less experienced than them to say how much worse life is going to get for them. I think it just announces how rubbish their own life and choices have been, and says nothing at all about the realities of any challenges you might face.

Good luck, OP, and I hope you find lots of people to celebrate your life stages that can come with so many good things.

Oh absolutely! I turned 30 and all of a sudden freezing my eggs was the topic of conversation at every gathering. I’m truly exhausted by it all.

Don’t listen to them. Everyone’s experience is different. I really resent people scaring me with that nonsense when I was pregnant. It gave me such anxiety that it really took the shine off of having my baby. It made me really anxious waiting for the inevitable “harder than you can imagine”. It didn’t come and I can’t get that time back.

People love to tell you you’ll never sleep the same again. I get a decent solid sleep most nights and if I don’t it’s rarely to do with my 3 year old.

I cannot stand people like that. They hate their own lives so take it out on everyone else. Pathetic.

People often critique others to make themselves feel better. Secure people, with a broad range of conversation topics, wouldn’t even comment on things like that.

It is really offending me. I’m not one to be easily offended either! I think it’s the snark comments which feel a bit humiliating when said. I need to get over it and I really do need to stop absorbing the negativity. It’ll be of no surprise that these comments come from people who are divorced or deeply unhappy in their marriages. I don’t take any joy in that whatsoever but there’s this feeling that they’d take joy in that happening to me. I hope I’m wrong in that feeling.

I feel the same but they spur me on to prove them wrong and make them jealous as revenge! (I am a petty Scorpio 😁). I think it stems from their own insecurities and negative experiences - a massive projection and misery loves company.

I’m going to have to take a leaf out of your book! I mean, I’ve spent more than half my life with this man. They have all known him for just as long. I feel deeply offended that they think he/ we would change! They said the same when I was off to uni too. I spent 5 years at uni and had to do years of training afterwards but still, not good enough!

They're just pricks don't take it to heart.

Misery loves company. When I was pregnant women with babies were constantly banging on with "just you wait!" none of their doom mongering ever came to fruition and the fact I was happy with my baby seemed to really piss them off, the saltiness was off the scale. Then it was just you wait until she's a toddler. Don't get me wrong having a toddler is hard but I'm the happiest I've ever been and loving it and the happier I am the more annoyed the just you waiters get! They had more kids after that though so it's clearly not as bad as they're making out.

I think it's a mixture of wanting you to have a shit time out of spite because they had a shit time and just wanting attention for how hard they have it. I just enjoy rubbing their noses in how happy I am being a mum these days, they deserve it for constantly trying to piss on my chips.

Honestly by the time my baby was 6 months old I stopped going to baby groups all together because I couldn't stand the moaning!

Oh god miserable people who like to show they’re a fountain of knowledge because they happen to have lived something first 🥱 I remember getting it a lot in my teens (I’d always get really excited about my birthday), and I’d always get “wait until you’re in your 20s, wait until you’re in your 30s” etc etc, and here I am 40 in a few months and I love it as much as ever 😂

Similarly I used to always talk about not being able to wait to own my own house and I’d get the same miserable replies about how it’s so tough and struggling with bills, and yes it was tough but I bought my first property at 23 and have loved every second of being independent.

I never got it so much from people when it came to my children (I think I had vastly reduced my circle by the time I had my first at 37), but I would’ve brushed off anyone who gave me any “just you wait” negativity, I had two under two and although challenging it was still absolutely amazing (still is but they’re two and six months now). Whenever anyone tells me they’re having a baby or another baby or whatever it might be, my first response is “that’s amazing you’re going to have the best time!” Because why would any normal person want someone to feel anything other than happiness and excitement?!

I haven’t read all your updates OP so I’m not sure whether or not you’re expecting a baby, but if you are, congratulations, it’s going to be wonderful and you have lots of amazing moments to look forward to!

I remember being about 25, and my mum saying, "just you wait until you're older! You'll get more conservative then!"

Well... I'm 41 now, and probably the most liberal I've ever been. Although likely my mum would say I was just doing it to annoy her. 😂

I suspect the comments don’t come out of nowhere and you have said something thoughtless or immature to trigger that comment - I’ve seen it many times

in group situations it’s like one person says something a bit daft, glances go around and then someone gives in and says “just you wait “

It sounds like they've had unhappy lives. I loved moving in with my partner and living together.

I loved getting married to him and starting a family and I loved my little babies and the funny little people they grew into. So much joy and fun. Why would someone say 'just you wait...' unless they had had unhappy experiences.

Life's what you make it. I'd feel sorry for them and tell them so.

is anyone else singing

“Just you wait Henry Higgins”?