To ask how you parent and run a sick household when you are sick yourself?

[LostMyPink]

I know every parent will have to at some point but feeling broken and asking for tips rather than judgement. Mum to DS1 2years and DS2 3months. DS2 had 12 week vaccines this week, and we both came down with a stinking cold at the same time. DS2 super unsettled through the night as a result, and I’m averaging 2-3 hours of sleep the past 4 nights while feeling horrendous myself. DH been great at looking after DS1 (he gets up with him in the morning, gets him ready, gives brekkie, entertains, plays etc and does bedtime routine) and his hands are full most of the (weekend) day(s) with him. Doing what I feel like I have to round the house (laundry, quick vacuum) but making easy meals etc. Day 5 of being ill, and I feel worse, not better. DS1 who was otherwise well apart from perpetual nursery cough has had a fever today, tired and been off his food. DS2 may be over vaccine side effects but has a horrible chesty cough (went to GP Friday, spoke to 111 yesterday, keeping an eye on symptoms), and DH now has the lurgy too! I’ve had intermittent chest pains today and feeling horrible - any tips to get through this?!

It's hideous. I don't think there are any hacks really. Just keep drinking fluids to try and speed up getting well and allow yourself to cry. That's my approach anyway.

That sounds so tough op, most of us have been there, and I hope you're all feeling better soon.

My tip - low standards.

Do the absolute minimum, don't worry too much about housework or healthy meals, if screen time for your 2yo gets you through, stick the TV on, if it's toast for tea, so be it, if you can afford takeaways then go for it. If the kids are sleeping/settled and safe then cosy up on the couch and nap yourself.

You will get through this, and it will all be a bad memory in a few days.

Yes I remember this happened a couple of times.
No hacks just remember each day is one nearer to feeling better.

Mine are (almost)7& 8 now but I've been a single parent since my youngest was 3. Honestly it's just survival mode. If I don't clean, do things around the house it doesn't get done. But when I'm ill, I prioritize rest wherever I can. When they were younger and ill I'd get them to bed as early as I could and get through a few jobs. Even just wash some dishes and hoover, then lie down and rest.

I make a list of housework to be done, and then order it highest priority to lowest and try and just do one or two when I can. Coffee and red bull also are my friends lol. Food, don't feel bad if it's tomato soup and a slice of toast or chicken nuggets and fries. Whatever you can manage and doesn't make you feel too ill. Lots of medicine & sleeping where you can (during nap time?) don't do housework in that time just rest. Soon you'll all feel better and you can send DH out for a bit with the kids and zoom through the house. Prioritise your own well-being. Don't feel guilty for screen time, "bad" food or anything else. Just make sure there's clean clothes and some form of food 😂. It's horrendous being ill with kids though, you have my sympathy.

Honestly, for something like this that will pass /improve within a few days-weeks, let standards slide.

Easy meals, housework to a minimum - essential laundry only, quick wipe of worktops/top surfaces instead of proper kitchen clean, vacuum only living room/hallway instead of full house vacuum (and no moving furniture unless you really need to get at something nasty under there), bring a tub downstairs to chuck toys into at the end of the day rather than putting away properly, more screen time than usual for the kids, whatever it takes to get through this.

Any family/friends that you can enlist for help in any way e.g picking up and delivering click and collect shop/groceries locally?

It's likely that you and the kids will start to get better just as your husband starts to get the grot, typically.

When I had pneumonia (still had two kids and dog) had to carry on, definitely didn't clean at all first few days of antibiotics and ordered take out. Didn't care about screen time and they missed school for two days as I just couldn't. Partner working abroad so no help but checking in if I'm alive regularly (he set alarms to check on me 😂) focus on survival so everyone fed. That's literally it. Survival. Take out and screw the rest.

Yes it’s awful. We have young DCs too and when we are all unwell they have to come first and so we just have to carry on. I don’t know a solution it’s always horrible.

As other PP have said, it's all about low standards and survival. As long as the children are fed, it doesn't have to be the most nutritious cooking ever- freezer food won't kill them if they eat it for a few days. As minimal cleaning and laundry as possible. Any screen time limits- exceed them and do what you need to get some rest.

Also if your DH isn't working then do shifts- take it in turns with the kids so the other rests. I know this may be easier said than done as your youngest is so little and may be breast fed but as much as you can take it in turns to rest.

I am married but my DH works abroad 4 weeks on 4 weeks off so I've dealt with myself and my 2 DDs with a tummy bug a few times now as well as cold/flu type viruses alone. It's brutal but you just have to do what you can to get through!

I remember these days. Agree with PP: low standards. Beige dinner, or even order in, shitloads of TV, fuck the dust. Needs must. All fed, not dead, you're fine.

You just do it, It won't be for long.

Oh it’s awful. My chief advice is get yourself to a doctor if you have clear symptoms of a chest infection.

Your immune system will be taking a beating due to sleep deprivation, having given birth not all that long ago, a heavy infection load from nursery & whole family being sick.

I ended up in hospital with pneumonia in similar circs - it took several rounds of antibiotics and steroids to make a full recovery. Whereas it could have been knocked on the head with a week of azithromycin when I was first diagnosed with a chest infection, had I insisted with my very laissez-faire GP.

Don’t soldier on without appropriate medical treatment for fear of ‘making a fuss!’

I'm a solo parent and was involved in a long distance house move so my daughter and I were staying with my mother. We all came down with covid, Mum, 3yo, then me about a day apart - this must have been about July 2021. My daughter bounced back in a couple of days but I just wanted to sleep. I arranged with my Mum that she'd sleep late, then come down and I'd go back to bed for a couple of hours, but she was feeling too rough to move. I lay on the sofa and Cbeebies babysat (same room). I must have fed and watered my daughter and Mum, but I don't remember, I just wanted to cry, I was so tired and achy. It would have been baked beans, soup etc - easy, microwavable things.

I didn't bother with any housework. Just couldn't. 3yo watched more Cbeebies over a couple of days than in the preceding year. By day 3 or 4 I could sit up and play/read a bit. It was so grim, but I just thought once we got through the worst we could tidy up afterwards and Mum and I weren't really eating anyway.

So that's my advice. If people are fed and given water and medicine, that's a win. Everything else can wait a week.

I have no idea how we got through it, but we did. It is easier when they get old enough to have a tablet, or play on the switch, while you take a nap in bed. It comes around quite quick enough.

Lots of screen time, easy meals and screw the housework.

Lower your standards. I doubt the house really needed vacuuming in the 5 days you’ve been ill. Same for laundry - just wear pjs or whatever is clean until you feel better.

Rest, fluids, a bit of fresh air when you feel up to it. Save you energy for making vaguely healthy food & let your body recover.

Oh and also don’t be an anti-medication martyr. Cold & flu tablets are great.

As a single parent you just get on with it, dig deep there's no other solution unfortunately. Everything bar the very basics gets left until you're feeling better.

It’s horrible but you just lower your general expectations of how much tv children should have and how much housework needs doing to get through the days.

The reality is that children are frequently unwell and have a habit of passing those germs on so the vast majority of parents get used to having to find a way to manage it.

I prioritise the absolute essentials.

chores:
empty dishwasher, set it on time delay and put dishes in throughout the day. Nothing piles up.

empty bins, make sure rubbish gets into the bins.

Deal with pet litter and feeding trays.

wipe down counters so that they’re hygienic

possibly a load of laundry, that will sit unfolded and unironed in a basket until I’m better.

definitely no vacuuming! That can wait.

food:
If I can, I get a shop load in when I know I’m coming down with something. Or order a delivery.

when I was skint I’d cook something like big pot of stew, reheating a bowlful at a time in microwave.

I make sure everyone, including me, is taking fluids, and I keep a close eye on temps. I write down when I’ve given medication and when next dose is. Prescription meds go on an alarm on my phone.

We all stay in one room - depending on ages that could be in my bed, or me in a secured play area with a tot, or all hanging out in living room watching cartoons.

Thanks all, your replies made me feel like I’m not at least alone in feeling like I’m barely surviving! Not going to stress about housework that can wait for now, will keep meals simple/go for the easy wins and hope this passes soon. DS1 has already woken twice drenched in sweat (usually an ok sleeper once asleep) and DS2 and I have just got into bed (safely co sleeping). Hopefully not in for too rough a night and I manage to get a bit of sleep

No hacks, sleep whenever is possible, and don't worry about everything else can wait for few days.

Try to get a GP appointment for you tomorrow. Chest pains suggest it may have turned into a chest infection

Stop hoovering! And no laundry unless absolutely necessary. Just keep everyone fed and happy as best you can. Do the absolute minimum.

This too shall pass. When it does you can get back to your usual standards. In the meantime, a few days spent in PJs, eating toast and watching more TV than you would usually allow is not the end of the world (and I say this as someone who is normally very limited on screentime!).

Can you do an online shop of super easy food options?

Just have zero expectations on yourself. Make sure the kids are not at risk of physical neglect but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to engage, play or do any cleaning.

My kids are teenagers now but in hindsight I wish DH and I had a better plan that was discussed when I could properly advocate for myself (ie not sick). If me or the kids were sick DH should have stepped up and either taken leave from work or at least cooked and cleaned etc when he got home. But Whenever I was actually sick he’d say he was too busy and not discuss it or step up. I just had to get on with it. Now I reflect and I think it was inhumane at times. You say he is helping with you oldest DS but if your DH is away for the weekend you don’t just look after one child and ignore the rest or the house. Plus by resting you will recover quicker.

Soldier on, but have that discussion.

Stop doing unnecessary housework and allow your body to heal!
Meet children’s immediate needs then just rest, fluids, medication.
You can’t run the family as normal when you are unwell, so do the minimum needed for hygiene.

Your reply is a helpful reminder. When we only had DS1, I became by default the parent that would take time off or adjust my working day to do nursery pick up and look after DS1 if he was sick. We did discuss it, but DH had started a new job and was on 6 months probation and was concerned over the impact of having to take time off short notice while on probation, whereas I have been with my employer for a long time and therefore had more flexibility due to more goodwill to be able to adjust my working day and catch up later in the evening etc. But with 2 DS, I refuse to let everything fall on me - I’m ill and on maternity leave for DS2, not toddler leave for DS1, so if DS1 is sick and off nursery this coming week, DH is going to have to step up…

Not sure any tips exist but you have my sympathy as a single parent with a chronic illness that caused a lot of pain, I remember some days wondering how i’d get through, but you do. Only thing I can suggest is go to bed when kids do until you’re feeling better and maybe a nap when your DH gets home.