Second thoughts about nursery

[MyNoisyShark]

I speak to a woman at nursery (won't say how I know her) and she's trashed the nursery.

Said they aren't applying the excema cream twice whilst her child is at nursery (it's four times a day).

The staff don't care that the children climb on furniture etc - feet should be on the floor.

They won't put in an autism/ADHD referral (she has been diagnosed with autism via one session).

Now I'm stressing. I don't pick up until a few mins before they close due to work and it's a council nursery so I feel they do follow the rules.

Aibu?

I assume the woman is a parent? If things are as bad as she is making out, and on the basis nursery is not compulsory and there are generally other options available, why is her child still there?

I wonder how she knows about the things happening (or not). A pre-school child is not a reliable witness. What happened when she spoke to the staff about the cream (as surely that would be the first point of call?). Autism assessments are rare at such an early age, and hard to get anyway - might be nothing to do with the nursery.

If you are happy, then there is no issue. There will be parents that moan about every school and activity your children go to. Best to accept that now and not get stressed about it.

Ofsted

I understand why someone complaining about the nursery has worried you a bit, but if your child is happy there and you haven’t had any concerns, then I would put it out of my mind.

Council run nurseries are often better than private nurseries - the staff are treated better and stay for longer (high staff turnover is always a matter of concern), they have to stick to the rules more rigidly than others because they are checked on more often. Staff are always kept up to date on training etc. They are not profit driven which means they focus on the children, not making money.

I voted YABU because I'm not sure what your issue is. You're happy with the care your child is receiving but someone else isn't.

Said they aren't applying the eczema cream twice whilst her child is at nursery (it's four times a day).
How does she know?
ASKS THEM I GUESS. I DIDNT ASK HER HOW SHE KNOWS JUST TOLD HER HOW TO GET IT RESOLVED

The staff don't care that the children climb on furniture etc - feet should be on the floor.
Again, how does she know? My son climbs up on the lunch bag trolley at every single pick up. Staff and I always tell him no and get him down. He doesn't listen because he's 2 and a half. It doesn't mean that they or I "don't care".
WHEN SHE GOES TO COLLECT CHILD. I PERSONALLY DONT THINK THERE IS ANYTHING OF DANGER IN THE ROOMS AND I DONT THINK THEY WOULD BE ALLOWED ON TNE DINING TABLES FOR EXAMPLE.

They won't put in an autism/ADHD referral (she has been diagnosed with autism via one session).
What do you mean "won't"? Refusing to do it at all? Refusing to do it before X date or Y criteria have been met?
As other posters have said, it's unusual to get a diagnosis this young. A lot of "traits" are just normal toddler beha
viours.
THEY WONT PUT ON IN. SHES BEEN ASKING STAFF/KEY WORKER AND THEY SAY NO. I DONT KNOW THE EXACT SITUATIONS BUT SHE MESSAGED ME ALONG THE LINES OF THEY HAVENT DONE IT, IVE ASKED A LOT.
I JUST TOLD HER TO EMAIL OR ASK THE MANAGER WHICH SHE WONT DO, OR GP AS THATS HOW DHE GOT DIAGONISED

Caps lock just so you can see response

I don't know if it's just because I don't ask how many times the cream is applied and ask for proof. Just happy that they are asking to more cream and they actually said they would apply without a presciption (emoliant cream).

Also I don't ask too many questions with what they do say to day. Just kind of trust them

So based on your answer, she has issues but hasn't really done anything to sort them out (you've had to tell her how to get them resolved; and that she needs to talk to the manager). The main point about nurseries (and schools) is not that no issues ever occur but that they deal with them effectively when they are raised.

I'm surprised that parents are allowed into the nursery (the actual rooms the children are in, I mean) to the point that they are able to form the view that children are consistently allowed to climb on the furniture, as opposed to a one off incident. And if it's something that's consistently allowed does she know if it has been risk assessed?

I'd be surprised if you could find a nursery where the kids didn't climb on the furniture. It's also possible that them being active and swapping clothes around a lot, cream would rub off. My child's eczema was worse at nursery from all the water play. Perhaps she should weigh the pot before and after nursery to confirm some has been used?

With the autism referral, it might be that they don't see the things she reports so don't feel that they have anything to base a referral on. Her GP should be able to do it if the nursery setting won't.

You can view anytime you want, or drop in policy and also go inside at the end of the day to collect. Drop off is at the door. Usually speak to staff about the day etc.

I just get mixed messages. Like she says she's asked them 5 times for this referral and has told them about other stuff and no one is doing anything about it. Which is different than my experience.

She's also said in the same messages her child is so intelligent, nursery have said it and that's why he's doing reading with a slightly older group. That any concerns about autism are - he's really intelligent and in the same breath she also said they've quietly told her he is autistic.

She also said her parents don't help with the child and that they only go on 3 holidays together because it saves accommodation costs (not sure how) and neither families are short of money.

So I think I'm just sick of this bullshit and dumping of "woo mee". Everything is just exaggerated imo

In my very long experience I would say that not every nursery suits every child or family. What is important is that it suits your child. You honestly will see this a lot through schools.
For example, we relocated and found an ideal primary for our dc who was 9. She has dyslexia and progressed hugely in the 2 years she was there. At the same time, 2 families took their children out of the school because their needs were not met.
At nursery, the key things are are your child's needs being met? You cannot have eyes on all the time. For example the mum might be right, excema cream is not being applied. Or she might be wrong, it is being applied and it's flared up during the week due to something else. She may have walked in once and seen a child climb on a table. That sort of thing happens.

Xpost OP!
Everything she says just mentally put "for you" after.

It sounds like this lady is having a rant to you and it's likely somewhat embellished or at least just her perspective. If you are happy with the care your child receives, then just say to this lady (as you have done), 'that sounds frustrating, have you spoken to the manager?'

My children are older and at school. It's common for parents to complain e.g. 'the communication from school is terrible' (I think it's mostly good - half the time the issue is they didn't read the newsletter/email). Sometimes the issue is reasonable but doesn't affect my child e.g. they change the lunch menu without telling us, my child doesn't care, but I get it's frustrating if you have a child who is fussy. I just quietly sympathise but don't give it mental energy.

Yes I think is that.

So much of my mental energy was taken away.

She for example said accidents don't get put on the app until a week or so later. I have no idea why but it's no biggie because you sign for them straight away upon collection and I think if there is blood you get a call as you may wish to pick up. Etc.

She's just draining me ATM.

This is a good example of something that isn't perfect, but is nothing you need to worry about, as you have been told in person.

Is there any way you can distance yourself from this person? If not, you might need to say something to her along the lines of 'such a shame to hear the issues you are having, this hasn't been my experience, so I can't really comment. I'd suggest you ask to meet with the manager and see what they say'.

Yeah. Everything is just an issue with her and she's annoying me now. I said it she's not happy with all these incidences and how the nursery is treating her concerns I'm not sure why she's still enrolled. That put a holt on thing.

So why are you having second thoughts about the nursery?

Nursery don't usually do referrals for autism assessments, the health visitor usually does the ASQ and referrals for early years. Nursery children aren't assessed for ADHD because ADHD signs are developmentally appropriate for pre-scool ages.
I'd guess the patent has a bee in their bonnet because Nursery aren't going along with her belief that her child is ND. If you're happy with the care of your child take no notice of this other parent.