Questions during pregnancy

[Sanpellegrino1]

AIBU RE questions during pregnancy?

I am 31 weeks and wondering if it is a hormonal shift but I am getting more irritated / intolerant towards people in my life. I want to block people.

My mother asked me after we announced to family at 13 weeks - ‘Will you try for another baby’ (this one has not even been born) and ‘am I planning to breast feed’. She also felt my plans for an elective section were ‘disappointing for her’ as I am ‘not doing it the hard way’. Completely fucking raging. The baby is breech it is early days he obviously might turn - and when I said I might need to get a section anyway she said ‘I can have a breech baby vaginally’. She is not medically trained! She said the baby is hers because her DNA was used to create me and therefor I ‘just an incubator for her grandchild’. So therefore he is hers. She makes me sick honestly. Continually asking ‘how baby is’. When she does not get the information she calls around my friends and sisters to try and find out if all is OK and when my due date is.

One friend is equally as irritating constantly messaging me for baby updates when I just want to be left alone. Continually asking for updates regarding all my bloods, scans and midwifes appointments. Which date I am going on maternity leave and continually asking questions about money - will I get a new car - will I go back to work - when will I go back to work - when will I have another - how long will my husband take on paternity leave - which school will the child
go to ! - do we have a nursery place - which bedroom will he sleep in. I appreciate that these are normal questions to ask a pregnant woman and with other friends I would not mind but I feel this one is just a gossip. Similarly to my Mum I do not feel we had a great relationship pre pregnancy.

I appreciate everyone is different regarding ‘annoucing pregnancy’ but I am a private person and have made no big annoucements and this is obvious to people. I also do not plan to share on SM when he is born. I have tried my best to not tell anyone my due date as I CBA with the constant messaging.
I have still not told some friends I am even pregnant. The one above found out through badgering me with information and zooming into pictures of me at a wedding noticing I was holding an Appletize rather than a glass of wine (she sent screen shots).

AIBU
YANBU - this is nothing to do with hormones or pregnancy they are CFs

It sounds like 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. It probably is your hormones. I suppose it could be an extension of nesting. You’re building your walls up in preparation for protecting your baby. Plus, your mother sounds a nightmare. At best doesn’t respect your boundaries. At worst she sounds a bit unhinged. I don’t blame you for wanting hold somethings back.

However, perhaps your ‘friend’ wants to reconnect with you and feels that being interested in your pregnancy is a way to show she cares. She hasn’t gone about it in a particularly tactful way but, it’s something to consider before you completely write her off as just a gossip.

You share however much you like and feel comfortable about at the end of the day. It’s your life and your baby.

It sounds like your poor relationship with your mum and wanting to protect yourself from her overbearing attitude and behaviour is colouring how you’re approaching this, which is understandable. You do come across as unusually withholding of fairly normal information - not telling friends that you’re pregnant or wanting people you know to know the baby has been born. I think acknowledging that a lot of your feelings around all this are connected to your mum and your disappointment and frustration that she isn’t the mum you need her to be might help you to manage irritation and reactance around other people’s questions and reactions that they’re probably coming from an entirely different place to your mum, and are just trying to connect.

I think people assume that when you are pregnant or have a new baby, you will want to talk about your pregnancy and your baby. I’ve been guilty of it myself tbh - I’m not particularly invested, but it’s polite to show an interest and ask about scans, how the baby is and how the pregnancy is going, maternity leave plans etc because it’s clearly such a big event in somebody’s life.

Yanbu. Your mum is just plain awful, your friend sounds caring but way overbearing and I'd not be pleased about it either. I'm 28 weeks and when we found out we was having a second girl I got alot of comments about how I must be planning on trying for a third to get a boy (I am absolutely not trying for a third, I'm happy with the 2 girls I have)

These people are too much. There's no wonder you feel like you do.

Bloody hell, I thought my mum was bad. She sounds awful!