How do people cope with this? (Toddler at bedtime) I feel so rubbish

[Justacrn]

It’s probably relevant that im a single parent before anyone asks why his dad isn’t going back up the stairs. I have a lovely DS, 3.5. He’s easy going. He’s great. He’s patient and just really good company. This adds to why I feel so shit about this and I am wondering if he is really insecure or unhappy or something?!

He has started asking loads of questions around bedtime. He wants more books in his bed, he wants more water, he wants another cuddle, he wants me to tuck him in, he wants his other teddy, he wants his hairbrush, he wants to know what’s happening tomorrow, it just goes on and on. I will leave the room, go downstairs and then I’m shouted again. I go back up.

Around 30 minutes into this I started getting annoyed. I said I needed sleep now too and mum was very tired. He then went quieter and then again called me five mins later. Im
worried I upset him be being so short and cross with him.

I then got more annoyed next next time and said mummy is getting cross now, it’s bedtime and she needs to go to sleep like you do. He said I was shouting (I wasn’t) and it made him
sad. I said I hadn’t realised I had shouted and i was sorry if I had and that I was tired and needed sleep.

hes now gone to sleep and I feel utterly terrible. What do other people do?! I feel like he’s gone to bed feeling off with me (or words to that effect, I’m so tired 🫠)

At that age, we still had to lie with our son while he went to sleep. We would sing 10 Green Bottles over and over as he drifted off. Some nights would be half an hour, some 10 mins.

It was about age 4.5 that this stopped and he started to drop asleep by himself.

We still get the occasional evening of coming down for drinks/wee etc but it's quite rare now. There is a hopefully a light for you at the end of the tunnel but it did take us a while!

It must be very hard by yourself so dont beat yourself up. Children need kind but firm boundaries and it's absolutely fine for them to know you're human with feelings too!

Please don't worry, they can be trying. I think it is just a form of anxiety, going to sleep on their own is a big ask. DS used to be a great sleeper but unfortunately as his imagination grew he got more fearful and we had the same.
We fought it for months and honestly embracing it is the best thing we've ever done. I now stay upstairs with him until he falls asleep so he falls asleep much quicker and I can get on with what I need to do.
I think insisting he just went to sleep alone just made everyone so on edge, it was totally counter productive, I used to get so frustrated, then feel guilty. He's 8 now and starting to go to sleep independently again (at last!).
Good luck!

It's ok. It happens.

He wanted to keep you around, that's natural.

You have boundaries, and that's a good thing.

I doubt he'll be thinking about it in the morning. Decide your rules in advance (how many books etc) and then next time go with that and don't go back up.

Honestly, he'll probably go to sleep annoyed with you many, many times. Not because you are wrong in any way, but it is part of your job as a parent to teach that you can't always get your own way.

If he's never annoyed with you then you aren't being a responsible parent.

Also, DD had a little 'nest' of a sleeping mat and sleeping bag next to.my bed for years. I would read in bed in the evenings and she could sleep on the floor if she needed to.

No interaction, no stories etc but if she just needed to be near me at any point she could, but I could also have rest and sleep in comfort.

She is now in her late teens and the challenge is to get her out of her own bedroom...!

I would just sleep with him. Turns an annoying situation into something really nice and cosy. I sometimes set an alarm if I needed to get up again to sort some stuff.

Aw OP i totally get it. My 8 year old still tries to delay sleeping. Now they can read in bed its easier. But when you are just desperate for your own time it feels really hard. Forgive yourself for being sharp. It's OK for kids to see us as humans who get tired and have our own needs for sleep and relaxation!

Exactly, they are babies for such a sad amount of time .if had my time back again, stressing about, hurry up and get to sleep, I have X amount of things to do before my bedtime...omg, I so wish I could just relax, and let them feel that...then they would sleep soo much easier..so what if dishes need done etc etc... if we as parents , or parent! On my part, just stop putting so much pressure on ourselves, then our babies will 1 million percent relax tooooo...now I no this is a fact ....plzzz believe me xxxx