To ask do I invite my dads family to my 30th

[Tellmelies7]

I turn 30 early August so still have a bit of time to think about it I suppose, I’ve not spoken to my dad since I was 13 but do speak to his mum occasionally. I also have a half sister a lot younger that’s 19x do I invite them as it’s a milestone or should I just carry on as we all were?

Need more of the back story. Was he abusive, neglectful or did he just disappear from your life? What relationship do you want with him? You can consider your half sister separately by the way.

I'd carry on as normal. If you've not spoken to your father in 17 years, why start on your birthday?

Neglectful I would say basically abandoned me and my brothers. He had only see my 18 year old brother twice in his life till recently. He’s an addict.

I feel though if she or his mum was invited he would be annoyed and probably just turn up tbh.

I just had friends at mine, my parents and siblings phoned me, which was fine. My parents wouldn't have enjoyed it!

Don't invite him then. He doesn't deserve you. Forge your own relationships with your nan and half sister. Then if you do want to invite them you can work out who to have watching the door so your dad can't just barge in.

Invite them if you want to, don't invite them if you don't?

its hard as my 18 year old brother doesn’t know the full story of things so he’s questioning me as to why I don’t talk to our dad. Obviously with the gap it’s hard as I don’t want to cause him upset by telling him the truth but also don’t want to make out he’s some sort of hero.

Could you do a bit of cake and tea with your granny and sister at another time and explain. Only if you want to of course. Either way, you don't owe anyone anything xx hope you have a great biryhday

The last thing you need at your own celebration is awkwardness and the feeling you need to manage people. If it hasn’t occurred to you to celebrate with them before then I’d keep to that path and stay on it.

Not the point of the thread but I’m intrigued by the timeline here. You haven’t seen him since you were 13 (17 years ago) but have an 18 year old brother - presumably left as a baby, and a 19 year half sister. Did your dad move straight into another relationship?

its hard as my 18 year old brother doesn’t know the full story of things so he’s questioning me as to why I don’t talk to our dad. Obviously with the gap it’s hard as I don’t want to cause him upset by telling him the truth but also don’t want to make out he’s some sort of hero.

If your brother had only seen him twice until recently then really he should have been given all the information about the situation before he built a relationship with your dad so he was building it on a truthful ground

He hasn't been part of your life for many years.

I would not invite any of his family. Your milestone birthday is for celebrating, not making awkward forced connections.

Well I also have a half sister one week younger don’t talk to her. He was married to my mum but when they had the 18 year old was more casual than a relationship.

He also has a son 27 two weeks older than my middle brother it’s not ideal.

He might have had more than one family on the go at the same time

Invite who you want to your birthday. If I hadn’t spoken to my dad since I was 13, I’m not sure I’d be inviting him. It’s meant to be a happy day for you!