Help please- is this a really clear decision to make?

[tgifhurray]

To cut a long story as short as possible- I am from a different country originally, made my life her in the UK with DH and family, the plan was always to move home but no matter what we tried, DH can't find a good job over there (or would have serious downsides like monster commute and never being home, plus earning at least a third less than what he does now).

Right now:

• I work school hours in a very low-stress job
• We have tons of family time
• we like in a lovely area with lots of friends nearby
• My son is very happy and has lots of friends, likes his school, mild SEN suspected and good support plan in place.

If we moved, we would lose all of that- but, we would live in a beautiful part of Europe very near my parents. The school system is very different though and SEN support isn't as established as it is over here. Plus, my son is very settled and has made it very clear he doesn't want to move there.

We visit my parents at least every 2 months so see plenty of them.

WWYD? YABU- stay here, YANBU- move

Stay put for now.
SEN is not really a thing in Europe. Only 5% of kids have SEN in the EU compared to 20% here - the remaining cases are considered mild enough that they are expected to cope like other kids.

Oh gosh really! Is that why the numbers differ so much?!

This is what I'm fearing- that it would be like "Oh, so-and-so is a bit of a naughty kid, he does'nt want to do this learning" when really they need things in place.

Stay put. Your child is surely a bigger priority than your parents?

There is very few advantages to returning excluding emotional. I can understand why you would like to return but it isn’t practical. Maybe when your child is older, going to college and you’ve worked out a business plan to support yourselves in the country.
Save as much as you can.

I would stay put and just have maybe a few more breaks back - the plus sides won’t matter or seem as good if there are a load of minuses

Thing is, the quality of life in my home country is big. So it's not a step down or anything- I am sure we would have a lovely life there as well, but I really fear taking DS out of an environment he loves. Plus people tend to be a bit more reserved over there and it would be hard to build the same circle of friends we have here. I'm just really worried about destroying the nice life we have!

Maybe I will just, when the time comes, go over there a lot more than I do now and help in that way.

The main problem is that you would be changing a life that your DH and DS are very happy with to deal with guilt over a problem with your parents that hasn't happened yet.

I think you need to get yourself a job you enjoy and make the most of living here.

If it is just Europe, it is easy to visit your parents for stretches of time especially when DS is older.

That's a very good point you are making! Thank you!
Not just them to be honest, I'm very happy here as well.

Your quality of life in your beautiful home country won't be great if your DH has a shit low paid job or has a monster commute, whilst you don't have a nice stress free job, have lost your friend network and your DS isn't having his SEN needs met.

I'm from a beautiful country with great weather and a nice outdoorsy lifestyle. But I gave up on moving back because I have same issue as you DH re the job market and probably couldn't have afforded the things I like to do when based here in the UK.

If and when your parents need greater support you and your brother will just have to work it out and do what you can remotely and with more frequent visits. In the meantime talk to them openly about preparing for when that day comes - adaptations to the house or moving to something more suitable in older age, transport for when they can't drive, finances, getting cleaners/gardeners/in-home carers and when needed moving into a care home.

Get power of attorney for finance and welfare sorted out now (depending on how your country does that) so it's not a drama if one loses capacity for decisions. Make sure they have wills and have told you what they want re funerals. Talk now, before it becomes too late and a crisis.

Stay.
You see your parents every two months; plenty of people living in the same country see family less than that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you've created a problem that doesn't exist.

Right now, your parents are healthy and happy as they are. You see them regularly and spend the Summer with them.

They don't need you there and you visit far more than a lot of people do with the same or shorter difference.

You would be sacraficing the happiness of you, your DH and DC for no valid reason.

Surely your priority should be your child not your parents? No brainer to me.

Is your brother also considering moving back? Or have you fallen into the dutiful daughter trap of assuming a) it all falls on you and b) that either of you have to uproot your lives.