In between the two of them

[crazystar]

Am I overthinking this or is this a bit odd?

My other half has taken it upon himself to be an agony aunt to an old friend and her husband while they’re in the middle of a very messy divorce. He meets both of them separately, listens to their sides and even tries to mediate. They both know he speaks to the other.

I can’t shake that it feels uncomfortable and a bit inappropriate to be that emotionally involved with both sides of someone else’s relationship breakdown. It feels like crossed boundaries rather than just “being supportive”.

He thinks it’s harmless and that he’s helping. I feel uneasy and can’t quite put my finger on why, but it doesn’t sit right with me and just think he should be there for his college mate off 20 odd years now n again but not also her husband.

Would this bother you, or am I being unreasonable?

Since they both know he is speaking to both of them, and they are happy with it, maybe it is helpful. Someone who knows both of them might be able to help them see each others side maybe.

Sounds like a massive mess waiting to happen. Mediation and couples therapy are both skilled professions. I cringe hard for all three of them to think this is a good idea.

Cringe and god complex spring to mind. Damsel in distress but clever enough to know only seeing her would set alarm bells ringing?

There’s no such thing as a “harmless helper”.

Getting emotionally close to another woman who is clearly vulnerable and acting as mediator could be perceived to be predatory and opportunistic. He has created a triangle and has positioned himself as the calm wise one and it’s weird and inappropriate.

Does he have history with this woman? Does he ever compare himself to her husband? Personally I have no time at all for men sniffing round vulnerable women, it’s always been a red flag and always will be.

This.

You don’t need to always agree with his choices, but this doesn’t harm you, they aren’t your friends and it’s not your choice. YABU to be ‘bothered’ by it

It's a bit weird but I assume the couple find it helpful if they let him do it?

Are you worried about his relationship with the woman? Not saying you shouldn't be - without more info it's hard to know.

Not in the slightest worried about his relationship with his female friend

How long has this been going on? Has he got an endpoint in mind? What if he gets bored/ they depend on him and he loses interest, or you start having your own problems or work/homelife is busy etc. These things can take months/years to sort out - he’s bound to lose interest surely?!