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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I in the wrong or is my partner?

35 replies

Daisychain67 · 22/01/2026 21:03

I have been going through it recently with my mum previously having lung cancer, radiotherapy and now has a collapsed lung which she had a double lobotomy on.

My partner religiously sings football songs at the top of his voice and when he comes back from work he likes to put on his headphones and walk around the house singing. My mood has been really down the past week or so, to the point where I have barely spoken. I flipped today because he hasn’t asked how I am since my mum went into hospital and earlier he asked me “are you alright” in a patronising tone, and I said ”maybe you would know if you took your headphones off and stopped singing stupid football songs”

He is now saying that I’m asking him to be depressed with me, which is not at all what I’m asking, I just can’t be around someone who is acting completely normal and oblivious to my mood. I left the house and sat at a bus stop for over an hour in the rain while he sent me voice notes saying if I want him to be depressed with me then we will have to split up. Again I don’t want him to be unhappy, just more considerate.

Am I being unreasonable? I don’t want him to be depressed with me but now I feel like I just have to get on with it and pretend I’m okay so that I don’t bring him down

OP posts:
JustWantsSomeSleep · 23/01/2026 09:06

Sorry your partner isn't capable of being more supportive at a time you need it.

Retro12 · 23/01/2026 10:41

Daisychain67 · 22/01/2026 21:03

I have been going through it recently with my mum previously having lung cancer, radiotherapy and now has a collapsed lung which she had a double lobotomy on.

My partner religiously sings football songs at the top of his voice and when he comes back from work he likes to put on his headphones and walk around the house singing. My mood has been really down the past week or so, to the point where I have barely spoken. I flipped today because he hasn’t asked how I am since my mum went into hospital and earlier he asked me “are you alright” in a patronising tone, and I said ”maybe you would know if you took your headphones off and stopped singing stupid football songs”

He is now saying that I’m asking him to be depressed with me, which is not at all what I’m asking, I just can’t be around someone who is acting completely normal and oblivious to my mood. I left the house and sat at a bus stop for over an hour in the rain while he sent me voice notes saying if I want him to be depressed with me then we will have to split up. Again I don’t want him to be unhappy, just more considerate.

Am I being unreasonable? I don’t want him to be depressed with me but now I feel like I just have to get on with it and pretend I’m okay so that I don’t bring him down

He is an absolute cock! Does he show emotional intelligence anywhere else in the relationship?
I couldn't be with someone so thoughtless... Sending you a big hug xx

Itsnearlyxmas · 23/01/2026 10:43

Daisychain67 · 23/01/2026 07:40

He has now left for work early before I’ve woken up, we always wake up at the same time, because he had a “shit sleep” and wants to get work out the way so he can come home and sleep, why is this man so self centred??? Leaving him tonight or over the weekend, we have a DD together so need to plan what I will do

Best of luck, sounds like you deserve better! Let us know how you get on x

honeylulu · 23/01/2026 11:02

What a graceless, emotionally unintelligent boor (and bore) he sounds. Ugh, get rid of him. Luckily he suggested splitting up so all you need to do is say yes please!

So sorry about your mum and how you are feeling x

cartagenagina · 23/01/2026 11:17

Tpu · 22/01/2026 21:05

He is an imbecile. Honestly, you are better off without him.

Yeah this sums it up really.

What your housing/financial situation? Do you and DD have somewhere safe to go? Is she his child?

5128gap · 23/01/2026 11:34

The singing is the least of it imo. Your partner sounds cruel. To send you messages threatening to break up with you over an argument when you're going through so much already is really putting the boot in when you're on the floor. He is taking advantage if your vulnerability and his belief that you need and want him around to excercise power over you. He's not a nice person.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 23/01/2026 19:03

Sorry about your mum OP. That's joy normal and threats to leave as relationship are juvenile.

Pessismistic · 23/01/2026 23:48

Op sorry you are going through this alone. Op your dh is a selfish manchild it’s not depression it’s worry and he’s acting like nothing is going on with you and your feelings he’s very disrespectful towards you and your mum. Has he got parents because imagine if the shoe was on the other foot you singing your head off it’s like saying fuck you im glad she’s ill its fucking disgusting behaviour tbh. I would be fuming you are not with a man who can offer you any support sympathy or empathy he’s really cold and heartless. It might not be his mum but it’s yours and unless he hated her guts he’s vile.

Daisychain67 · 24/01/2026 12:27

Pessismistic · 23/01/2026 23:48

Op sorry you are going through this alone. Op your dh is a selfish manchild it’s not depression it’s worry and he’s acting like nothing is going on with you and your feelings he’s very disrespectful towards you and your mum. Has he got parents because imagine if the shoe was on the other foot you singing your head off it’s like saying fuck you im glad she’s ill its fucking disgusting behaviour tbh. I would be fuming you are not with a man who can offer you any support sympathy or empathy he’s really cold and heartless. It might not be his mum but it’s yours and unless he hated her guts he’s vile.

his dad actually died of lung cancer in 2018 and he left me and our daughter for 3.5 years because he was so depressed he couldn’t be around us

OP posts:
Bonkers1966 · 24/01/2026 12:30

What a dickhead

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