To think that more whole class parties happen in affluent areas

[elliejjtiny]

Trying to keep this vague in case this post ends up on the mumsnet facebook page.

We live in a deprived area. A couple of children will have whole class parties in reception, maybe 1 child in year 1. Rest (including us) do a small thing with family or 1 or 2 friends.

A family member lives somewhere a lot more affluent. Whole class parties are the norm right through primary and most children will have one every year.

I am quite happy we aren't the only ones at my dc school who don't have whole class parties every year and that I don't have to attend 90 children's birthday parties a year. But another family member thinks it's because they think I don't make an effort with socialising with other parents. Goodness knows why they think that, or if they think whole class parties are happening without inviting my dc.

I just think that parents who don't have much money don't do whole class parties because they are really expensive.

This doesn’t seem like it’s really about class parties/affluence.

If you’re happy with the amount of socialising you and DC do with their classmates I wouldn’t give a flying fig what your relative thinks.

Has their comment touched a nerve and you do feel unsure about it? Or are they just nosy and opinionated?

It seems quite reasonable that there would be a correlation, yes.

What’s your question? If your family member who says it’s because you aren’t invited is being unreasonable? Yes, I would say so as they know much less than you about the situation. Seems a weird thing to suggest.

I agree with you @elliejjtiny . I’m from a council estate but am a professional married into a middle class professional family. The kids birthday parties that I have attended are more curated and offer alcohol to parents?! This isn’t something I have ever experienced on the estate nor my family members that still live there do.

If you have more disposable income and live in a more affluent area, a whole class party won’t be such a financial burden.

Whole class parties aren't necessarily expensive.

If you hire a bouncy castle and a village hall the price of the bouncy castle and village hall remains the same regardless of how many children attend.

It's only when you have to pay "per head" that it becomes expensive.

Village hall and bouncy castle! Sounds lovely but v special and quite expensive to me. Big parties in the park for a picnic is more my experience but that’s not school, it’s home ed culture where I live.

We are in a reasonably affluent area. My youngest is in reception and I would say we are probably close to half of his class having turned 5 now. Out of those 12/13 we have been invited to 5 class parties I assume the others either didn't have a party of just had a couple of friends over. In fact this weekend we have 2 parties one the mum is having 3 kids over and the other is a whole class thing.
I have previously done a whole class party and it was a package for £150 for play equipment and a hall for food, I sorted buffet type food. I think if you want to have a party outside of your house then its going to cost even if its just the hire of a hall, lots of entertainers have a block cost for up to 30 kids so it doesnt cost more or less to have the whole class. I've also been to whole class parties where there has been no food just cake which always seems a bit odd to me.

Parties are expensive, I think its OK to not have a party however the worst parties I have ever done in my opinion have involved having kids in our house. After the last one where a child turned off the movie, screamed, sulked, stole one of my other children's tablets and locked herself in the bathroom until her mum came I vowed I would rather save up and take a small group out than go through that again. This year for my son we paid around £150 to take 10 kids to softplay included all food and party bags after

Thank you. I just find it rude that they said it was lack of effort on my part when I feel like I do make an effort to do fun things on a budget.

My dc have friends round to our house and they go to friends houses, just not 30 friends at once!

There's quite a bit of middle ground between 'whole class party' and 'one or two friends'

We've done two whole class parties, perhaps we'd do more or bigger if there was more reciprocation. But I would say they are beyond quite a few parents' reach here, and they naturally die off by KS2 anyway

I’m from a deprived area and full class parties are fairly normal here. Don’t worry it peters off in juniors when they are too old for the church hall affairs and have more established friendship groups.

This. We always did village hall + entertainer type parties when the DC were young. We only did price-per-head parties (bowling alleys etc) when the DC were older and had smaller guest lists.

I live in an affluent area and aside from a handful of whole class parties in reception, no one really did them. We would have a small party of 8 or so kids which was far preferable

I think you're absolutely right.

No had loads in a working class and benefits heavy area. It’s a cheap option to hire the working mens club out

I think that party etiquette is determined by school as well. One of mine went to different privet to ours and parents were expected to stay at parties for far too long for me. Other school I had hosted drop and run parties from reception and everyone's party was drop and run by end of year 1. But child at other school invited to a party in year 5 where invite days and adult to stay to help supervise the bowling.

One child every class party was pizza for food (which annoyingly my child didn't like) for years so I do think there is a bit of a set formula that parents just repeat when hosting compared to parties their children attended

I'm in a low income area and loads of whole class parties here. I think possibly because it's the sort of place where people tend to have family members on hand to help set the hall up, do music etc. The amount of work involved is less daunting than it might be for someone living in a more affluent area in a commuter belt without extended family.

Re: your child not being invited ...

If your child's friends were having lots of 'whole class' parties then the 'whole class' would be invited. No? Including your child.

You'd know about it if your kid was being left out of big parties, don't fret OP.

I've got 4 kids and i've never hosted a whole class party in my life. Could never afford it. All my kids birthdays are just before or after xmas!

They all got invited to loads of whole class parties and i always sent a good present and thanked profusely.

I think your family member is making too much of it.

I think sometimes it can be specific to what the parents of autumn born children decide to do in reception, after a couple of whole class parties it sets a precedent and then everyone throws a big 5th party for their child.
I'm not in an affluent area but we got invited to a string of 5th/6th birthday parties and then they stopped. We also did one in a hall with a bouncy castle and never again.

I'm not sure it correlates fully.

We've had
small group wealthy area ££££ activity
two sets of twins doing a party together
Hiring back room of a pub, entertainment was kids tearing around
Party at home where it seemed to be a bit of a stretch financially for the family but was clearly a point of pride
1-2 kids round for a tea after school

Partly it's cultural I think. There are many families/cultures/religions where the bigger celebration will be happening with family, church etc.

I live in a deprived area and had a mix of whole class parties and not.

It was dependent upon the type party as some of them had a maximum number of kids allowed.

DS is 20 now and I have to say I miss the primary school parties. Although I dread to think how much they'd cost these days.