Teens and Phones Overnight

[Shambles123]

Posting about DD1 again, I am questioning myself a lot with her tm!

We have been fairly relaxed about screen times with the kids over the past few years as it would cause so many arguments. The one no negotiating rule was phones downstairs overnight, not in bedroom. Reasons being sleep, reducing social media exposure at some point of the day, things that Molly Russell's dad has said about Molly having the phone overnight etc etc.

DD1 is nearly 16 and says ALL her friends (I know I know) have their phones overnight and that she is missing all the interaction that they are having, that we are so strict etc etc. Her friends overall aren't the best influence on her, they have a lot more freedom than her.

YABU - Yes, she is maturing, has to make her own decisions, friends parents are right not to remove connection to the world outside the house

YANBU - These other parents are too lenient/turning a blind eye.

Dd16 doesn’t have her phone overnight on school nights. Weekends and holidays she can.

You’ll definitely get lots of people telling you you must not! I find mumsnet always skews that way. As a teacher of that age group, I think most kids of that age probably do sleep with their phones. My DC are a bit younger and don’t, but I envisage arguments about this in the future…

It’s very hard - both points are valid. And she is 16! I would really try to get her to make the choice if you can. My DH and I have different phone habits. Mine is far away from me when I sleep. My DH’s is close. I’d be pointing out why and that DH is a far less well rested and grumpy beast than me. Try to encourage her to say it’s her own choice…

What sort of interaction is she missing on during sleep hours ? I doubt it will be a healthy one.

We have always aimed to keep our phones downstairs at night. DS and I both use old fashioned analogue alarm clocks. I'm aware many kids communicate way into the night on phones. Whenever I've got up for water and a walkabout at night DCs phones have been the ones lighting up with activity.

15 and 13 year olds. Both phones charge downstairs when they go to bed.

My DC are aged 16, 18 and 20. Obviously you have to make your own decisions as a family, but for us the cut-off for having their phone in their room overnight has been around 16yo. It has to happen at some point as they become adults, and I guess we consider 16 to be an age when they can be a bit more sensible around making decisions.

Disclaimer: my 16yo is doing very well at school and has an active busy life (plays football, plays in a band, has a weekend job). If he was lazy or underachieving it would be a different matter.

She has a big hobby and is busy. We are arguing about going out (other threads on that!). She isn't failing at school and is studying but is underachieving vs potential and could be studying better. GCSES in four months...

Ok, so at least the fact she is pushing back now is fairly standard.

Our son is now at college and we've now allowed him to have the responsibility of having his phone overnight and maintaining the ability to function at college.
When at school we did have some arguments about it, but y11 is such an important year that we stuck to our rule. After his GCSEs we did allow him to have it in his room.
Generally he was OK but as PP said their phones light up at all hours so I can believe your DD does feel she's missing out.

DSD is only 14 and have never challenged it but phone goes on the hall table when she goes to bed.

I had phones out of rooms while they were at school. Sleep is very important for a young brain.

My eldest is the same age as yours and we have just taken off the downtime controls that previously turned it off between 9pm-7am.
So far he's been sensible and I do check at about 10.30pm that he's in bed and the phone is plugged in away from his desk.

Putting a massive temptation in her way when she should be studying for GCSEs is probably not the best time. I'd tell her I'd review after her exams

I'd say all restrictions will be lifted after her GCSES but for now it's helping her get the sleep she needs.

It never ceases to astound me how lax huge numbers of parents seem to be with the amount of freedom they give their kids online. Just because they're too naive or lazy to protect their kids and believe it is "normal", she will thank you in the future

I bet not all of her friends have their phones overnight! Anyway it doesn't matter because it's not your job to be their parent, it's your job to do what's best for your daughter. She should be sleeping so no need for phones overnight!