Dog issues

[SassyCrab]

Before I receive judgement, I’m not taking this decision lightly. My situation has changed where me and my ex has broken up & he sees our toddler 4 times in a month, with that being said we have a French bulldog which I feel like isn’t getting my full attention. I go in the office 2 days a week, so I’m not always out but I’m struggling to keep on top of walking him and meeting his mental stimulation. I understand I can pay for a dog walker, doggy daycare etc but I’m not in a position to be paying out for that with being a single mum! I’m becoming overwhelmed and depressed by the pressure of everything and my dog is just adding to it unfortunately. If he’s left in the kitchen for a few hours, he’s gone through all my bins, doesn’t care about toileting in the house or even letting me know when I’m in the house. It’s making me feel so unclean! To add we have a garden so he isn’t restricted with going outside! He is 4 years old and I feel like he deserves more than what I’m giving him right now and I just feel I need to not be selfish and rehome him to someone who can actually spend the time with him to meet his needs. He just seems unhappy and so am I, I got a dog when I was young without any thought and now I have a toddler it’s just getting to much for me. AIBU? What is the best way to go about this.

Yes, if you cannot give him what he needs then you have to try and find a rescue that will take him. You know going through bins and toileting in the house is either boredom or you not spending time training him to toilet outside.

Contact phoenix French bull dog rescue or paws of Hope bulldog rescue on facebook, they will support you and help you rehome to fully vetted homes

It's very sad for the dog, but the kindest thing is probably to re-home if you haven't got the funds or mental capacity to do more training/mental stimulation with him.

I have a dog who is thankfully the easiest dog I've ever met, and I've still found it difficult after having a baby. Just the extra cleaning, expense and time when you're already stretched so thin. Lots of people struggle with their pets after having children in a way they never thought they would (and equally lots of people don't - I wish I was one of those!) I remember worrying I wouldn't love my baby as much as my pets when I was pregnant! Life changes and circumstances change, and sometimes the kindest thing to do is re-home. Make sure you do it in a responsible way though, through a breed-specific rescue. DO NOT advertise on Facebook or the like.

Find a breed specific rescue if available and ask them to take him. It's not workable in the environment you describe and not fair on the dog as their behaviour will just deteriorate further.

I know that’s why I said, I’m not meeting his needs/mental stimulation. I know it’s me in the wrong and that’s why I also said he deserves more. I just ideally wouldn’t want him in a kennels as I feel like he wouldn’t be happy in there either.

Check your rescues, some use foster homes rather than kennels, but even if it's short term kennels as a route to rehoming then that's better than trying to re-home yourself. If you can't find a breed specific rescue then look at Dogs Trust etc
Unfortunately the longer you leave this situation the worse it will get so you need to put things in motion sooner rather than later.

Is the toileting indoors a new thing since you splitting up from your DP/DH?

How long ago was the breakup? Could it be cystitis?

ETA - might be wise to clear up toilet training (or urine infection, cystitis whatever) before attempting to rehome. I imagine trying to rehome a a 4year old dog who is not toilet trained would be nigh impossible.

Just get rid of it. Focus on child, who deserves your full attention.

The toilet training wouldn't be an issue for a good rescue because they can put that training in. They will also organise vet checks etc (op may not be able to afford that at the moment) no judgement, please contact the rescues that a previous poster has given.

There will be plenty of breed specific rescues who could help you if you don’t want to just take him to a shelter.

You’re doing what’s best by the dog.

Aww, I just wanted to add, you’re not to blame, sadly life situations change through no fault of own. Please don’t feel judged 🫶🏼

it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of stressful situations & anything additional is going to feel overwhelming.

I also appreciate the fact that you recognise neither of your needs are being met and that you are proactively addressing these issues and trying to find a solid solution for the best interest for your dog.

please take a deep breath, naturally you’re going to be struggling with the guilt & grief that this situation has brought, however, I’m sure all the pieces will come together in the long run & the sense of relief will offer comfort & strength to keep you going through the other stresses of your break up & adjusting to single parenting, while juggling work commitments. It’s a lot to deal with & it sounds although naturally it’s a struggle, it sounds like you are handling things as best as the situation allows you, sending gentle hugs to you 🫶🏼

Aw I love this! Thank you so much, was really a lovely message to read especially from someone who doesn’t know me. ❤️

My sister has taken on a lovely dog, rehomed because the new baby was unfortunately born with a whole range of severe special needs, and managing that and two other small children meant only the dog's basic needs were being met. The family were distraught to rehome their dog but did it out of love and responsibility for their pet.

Where did she get the dog from if you don’t mind me asking? Yes that’s all I would want is for him to go to a loving home that will look after him how he deserves

It was a local charity in Lincolnshire.