Private coach cancelled school match

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AIBU to be annoyed that my DC’s private badminton coach emailed his school PE teacher to cancel DS’s attendance at a school match without speaking to DS or us first? He runs a popular badminton club and has no connection with ds's school whatsoever.

The coach has scheduled a special training session at our badminton club and expected DS to help coach some of the younger players. We hadn’t yet decided whether DS would attend his school match or help at the club as the timings overlapped, both straight after school.

His coach actually went ahead and emailed the school to say DS wouldn’t be playing at the school badminton match, without checking with either DS or me beforehand.

What is the schools policy on reacting to emails which are not from the child's parents/guardians?

What did the school do? Nothing I hope!!!!

I don't think the school replied to his email. Editing to add that it caused an awkward situation for ds at school.

School should not be taking any notice of him. Can you find a new club. He’s hugely overstepped.

Presumably the school ignored his email. Now you need to tell him to wind his neck in and behave himself.

Coach is known to be very passionate about badminton and wanted to ensure that ds attend the special training day at his club to help coach younger players. I'm miffed as the coach casually informed me that he had emailed the school and cancelled ds' attendance at his school match. It feels so brazen and I’m not sure how to respond. He’s a brilliant trainer, but this feels like a big overstep.

That's coercive & controlling behaviour & I wouldn't let my child near a coach like that. It's a massive red flag that he will bully your DS further in order to achieve his own goals.

I'd pull him out of that club/coaching immediately & find somewhere else. Even if it's competing at a much lower level it's worth it.

So many adults have psychological trauma & problems from the way they were treated as talented athletes in their teens.

I’d be binning off that coach and complaining to his governing body.

He definitely overstepped.

But surely if he was relying on your son to help, and if your son was also meant to be representing his school in a match, then a decision should have been made quickly as to which he was going to participate in? Someone was going to be let down, so your son should have made a quick decision and informed everyone.

Is it worth finding out what the school’s policy is? Or do schools generally have the same rules regarding discussing students with people who aren’t their parents or legal carers? I hate rocking the boat and tend to be conflict avoidant so I’m really not sure what to do next.

It would be such a shame to pull ds out of this club, he normally enjoys it.

I just wondered whether it’s considered normal for someone who isn’t a parent or carer to cancel a student’s participation in a school match on their behalf without even speaking to the student first.

Totally overstepped
you need to tell him that

I wouldn’t be happy. DS was one of the stronger rugby players in his club rugby team but we were clear from the start that if there was a clash, he’d be playing for school. As a minimum strong words with the coach but tbh I’d be looking for a different club.

I hope you contacted the school to tell them to ignore the coach and that your son would be there for the match. He's not at the club to provide free coaching staff for them.

NB I’ve never come across a coach emailing school directly and cutting out parents.

No, it isn't normal. If you don't want to pull your son out of the club, speak or write to them to say that the coach is not authorised to contact the school about your son, he will be playing in the school match, and if any similar issue arises in future he needs to speak to you first.

This is utterly inappropriate and lacks any kind of professional boundary. It would also make me concerned about what other boundaries he's prepared to disregard.

Definitely overstepping . Has the school acted upon it or just informed ds/you of the request?

I just wondered whether it’s considered normal for someone who isn’t a parent or carer to cancel a student’s participation in a school match on their behalf without even speaking to the student first.

No you aren't wondering, you know that isn't normal.

I can't see why you'd want to find out about the school policy, did the school do anything wrong like take your son off the match? You just need to tell the coach he's overstepped. But your son also needs to make a decision quickly, people are depending on him.

No the school didn't engage with the coach - a pp suggested fining out their policy.

I wouldn’t have expected it but as that he’s done it, I was confused and unsure, I’m glad my gut feeling was right. It leaves me very uncomfortable.

Have you contacted the coach and asked him? That would be what i would do first.

Unacceptable behaviour no matter how "passionate" he is. I'd be having firm words.

Completely out of line. I'd be ending any association with that coach.

Of course it isn't normal.

It is quite far away from being normal.

You need to say something to the coach and make sure the club committee (or similar) are aware