Sleepovers after SA

[sellthebigissue]

My daughter was sexually assaulted last year. Shes 17.
Police have stated no ground for prosecution as word against word and SA no longer involved.
She has since said that she has been SA in every relationship shes been in..she experienced trauma as an 11 year old when a girl when she was visiting her dad, she was offered all of the help and refused all. Police and SS would not get involved because at age 11, shes able to advocate for herself apparently and despite myself pushing for her for her, she refused. I have tried and tried over the years to support her and I am mortified about her potentially being sexually assaulted on murderous occasions. Im aware of the fawn response but shes so blasé about it, im not sure its actual sexual assault.

She is awaiting therapy at present.

My question, she keeps asking to go for a sleepover at her friends house and I feel like a right fun sucker as shes 17 but ive said no. I feel as though, after finding out about apparent numerous SA that she evidently has no concept of a healthy relationship and boundaries and needs some trauma therapy.

Am I being too harsh?

Sorry lots of spelling errors. Social services were no longer involved, and she was sexually assulated by a girl when she was 12 whilst visiting her dad. She was offered all help by SS and police but she refused everything despite my concern.

Numerous, not murderous.

She is blasé like SA is the norm in relationships.

Honestly, I completely understand your point of view. She has limited understanding of healthy relationships and boundaries. However, at 17... she's not fair away from being classes as an adult and doing whatever she wants. I'd be using these last few months to build those skills. Whose the friend? Are they reliable and sensible? Will parents be there? Can you have a codeword she can text you if something feels off and you will make an excuse to have to collect her so you look like the one that made the choice? Are there online course for teens to do... I'm thinking a teen version of the Freedom Project which is for people who have been in DA relationships- but something that teaches about the warning signs. Or the other videos like Tea and Consent, there are probably loads of good resources solutions there for you to use with her to open up those big conversations.

Hiya, thanks for replying.

I know, and this is what im struggling with. I just feel mentally, shes not nearly 18.

The friend is a long time school friend BUT she has been in a relationship with said friend in the past (lesbian) because they claimed they were bisexual but now DD said she is straight. I just dont trust her and shes lied in the past about relationships just being friends and then theyre not and now apparently this said friend/ex girlfriend is the only one who hasnt sexually assaulted her. Social services have obviously been involved as I immediately called the police when I found out however its no further action and they havent offered any support at all. Ive never had social services within our family so ive found it incredibly anxiety provoking.

I cant get my head around it all. She is awaiting therapy through the GP but honestly she really doesnt have any safe concept of boundaries. I have no idea what to do.

Ah well in that case, the answer would be no. Is there a way you could have a sleepover with someone she hasn't been in a relationship with at yours? Maybe put them in the living room/family area so you can pop in to grab something type of thing?
It sounds really hard, and completely understandable why you feel the way you do. You're just trying to protect her.

Had a thought, does she like to read? Watch movies? So many now look at unhealthy relationships, maybe you could watch/read them together and discuss during? Never directly about her but the messages might subconsciously settle in and she might open up. 'It Ends With Us' was a good book, not seen the movie. I suppose we tesch kids subconsciously through play, teaching teens through movies and stories makes sense too! Wishing you all the luck!