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Meeting someone…. Did you think it’s never going to happen? I’m 40 this year!

13 replies

Hearrtb · 21/01/2026 17:37

I don’t know if I’ve been the issue or I’ve been unlucky with men or made bad choices… or a mix of all that. But then again I know people who have happily settled down with someone despite having issues and problems. I guess what i mean by that is I don’t think I’m particularly different to anyone else and I can’t really work out where I’ve gone wrong.

Anyway, here I am with a few relationships and lots of dates behind me, single parent to a 5 year old and been single since my child was 1.

I always hoped to have the marriage and the family and the home… obviously I have my wonderful child and I am lucky to have my own home. But I’ve never had the marriage. Never found the right person.

I used to still hope for it, still imagine meeting someone and have a genuine feeling of excitement about the prospect that I might meet someone. I had some hope and idea that there was a future there with someone one day. But now.. after the last few years… that feeling has just totally gone. I do want all that but I don’t feel the same about it, I have almost accepted that it’s a life I won’t have now. I know a relationship isn’t everything and I am th first to know there’s more to life and lots of other things to celebrate and enjoy. But I guess it just feels a bit like im living a life that I never ever thought would be me. I really enjoy relationships, I put my heart in. It’s great having dc to channel that love to but of course I am aware dc will rightly have their own life one day.

It’s not so much that I feel I’m 40 and that’s it. It’s that the feeling has gone. I just feel so utterly lacking in faith in men in a way I never did before. Not sure what I’m asking really. I suppose I’d love the hope to return. Maybe to know that it could still happen even though I can’t possibly see how anymore.

OP posts:
Kitterkitkat · 21/01/2026 17:39

Your child is still very young - do you ever get out to places where you might meet someone? I honestly think love can happen at any age

YourZippyHare · 21/01/2026 17:45

Perhaps it'll happen when you least expect it. Or perhaps it won't, and you'll lead a happy life regardless. No man is preferable to the wrong one, for sure. Hope he's out there though, if that's what you want.

Hearrtb · 21/01/2026 17:48

Kitterkitkat · 21/01/2026 17:39

Your child is still very young - do you ever get out to places where you might meet someone? I honestly think love can happen at any age

@Kitterkitkat i don’t go out in evenings but I could make arrangements for it. I am quite sociable generally but those things where people say oh he was serving me in Starbucks for a year then asked me out and now we are married with 6 kids! Stuff like that has never happened.

OP posts:
Hearrtb · 21/01/2026 17:49

YourZippyHare · 21/01/2026 17:45

Perhaps it'll happen when you least expect it. Or perhaps it won't, and you'll lead a happy life regardless. No man is preferable to the wrong one, for sure. Hope he's out there though, if that's what you want.

@YourZippyHare It seems to have happened to everyone except me at this point!

OP posts:
workshy46 · 21/01/2026 17:54

Honestly at your age if you want to meet someone you need to treat it like a job. Anyone I have know to be successful in dating in later life really did just that. They had a thick skin, didn't take it too seriously, cut time wasters or just wasters in general quickly, didn't get over invested until they were vv sure there was something to get invested in. Didn't put up with any crap and no wasted head space thinking does he like me etc, it was ALL about what they wanted. They have met now good guys that would be desirable. I think a lot has to do with confidence, Ive more beautiful friends who have found it much more difficult but they are more desperate , which no matter how hard you try, shows

Turmerictea · 21/01/2026 18:00

I was 39 when I went on a bumble date and got groped. It put me off online dating for life. I decided "f all men" and do things I wanna do. I joined an interest group, not.sci fi but in that vein. I met my DH the first session. We got together when I was 40. I was pregnant (accidentally) within 3 months and we married when DD was 1. Now together 4 years.

Yes there have been hiccups along the way but I always see it as never knowing what was around the corner, and a bit of a gift from above. I also see it as evidence that when you stop looking, you find someone!

I may have been quite happy being a nerd at groups and.living in my book-and-cat filled house child free as I had been before. But Im equally happy now.

pocketpairs · 21/01/2026 18:17

Did you friend zone all the nice guys when they were queuing up?

Hearrtb · 21/01/2026 18:18

workshy46 · 21/01/2026 17:54

Honestly at your age if you want to meet someone you need to treat it like a job. Anyone I have know to be successful in dating in later life really did just that. They had a thick skin, didn't take it too seriously, cut time wasters or just wasters in general quickly, didn't get over invested until they were vv sure there was something to get invested in. Didn't put up with any crap and no wasted head space thinking does he like me etc, it was ALL about what they wanted. They have met now good guys that would be desirable. I think a lot has to do with confidence, Ive more beautiful friends who have found it much more difficult but they are more desperate , which no matter how hard you try, shows

@workshy46 i have honestly done exactly that in the past. I don’t think I have the energy to bother again!

OP posts:
Hearrtb · 21/01/2026 18:19

pocketpairs · 21/01/2026 18:17

Did you friend zone all the nice guys when they were queuing up?

@pocketpairs possibly. I’ve also been unlucky though as DC’s dad turned out to be horrendous despite seeming to be a decent catch and nice person at the time

OP posts:
pocketpairs · 21/01/2026 18:22

Sorry to hear that about your ex. 40 isn't old, but you probably need to put yourself out there a little more. I wouldn't give up hope yet..

Berlinlover · 21/01/2026 19:07

I met my partner when I was 44. I had no interest in marriage or children and hadn’t dated in years. We were friends for several months before we became a couple.

Catza · 21/01/2026 19:25

Hearrtb · 21/01/2026 17:49

@YourZippyHare It seems to have happened to everyone except me at this point!

But you are saying it as if your life is over. To be honest, out of all my friends I can only think of two people who met their partners this way. Both invited their girlfriends to pop over for a cup of tea and girlfriends showed up with a random bloke who was an old school friend in town for a few days.. or something along these lines.
And there was also my aunt who reunited with her childhood friend at cousin's 50th birthday party. They married a year later.

Other than that, everyone I know, including my mother, met their spouses on the apps. And yes, I know how everyone feels about them.
Hoping to meet a cite guy at Starbucks is a reiteration of a good old "your prince will come on a white stallion when you least expect him". No, sorry, we have to take control of our dating lives the same way we do in other areas of our lives.

And if you can't bother with that again, then don't bother but accept that you will have a single life and make it a damn beautiful one!

safetyfreak · 21/01/2026 19:29

I met my husband online, yes it F sucks, but I did eventually meet someone nice.

Without online dating, I still be single.

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