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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this gas lighting?

10 replies

Lonely12 · 21/01/2026 13:17

Hi I don’t know if my husband is gas lighting me. If he doesn’t think something is true then he will deny it. Example had mould at old house, he insisted it wasn’t mould. New frying pan made mince beef smell funny and taste horrible. He said three separate times it didn’t smell funny and it didn’t taste funny. Last time even my son said it smelt horrible and it didn’t taste nice.

yesterday I got home and asked him if he had got the heaters out, our boiler has broken (my husband didn’t get it looked at like I said a few times it needed looking at, said it was normal to have to keep topping up the water in the boiler) we have no heating and no hot water. He said no, when he had actually got one out and put it on and just needed to get the other out of the shed. It’s like he will say stuff to wind me up or piss me off. He said that he is sarcastic, which he is but this feels different, my oldest son even said once a couple of weeks ago to his dad that he is sure that his dad is trying to wind me up.

yesterday I said it was cold and it was winter. He said it’s not winter. I asked him what season it is and he wouldn’t say. I’m becoming more and more miserable in our to marriage and it’s affecting my mental health.

i started staying up a bit later instead of been in bed by half nine. Suddenly he started going to bed early. Last night I’m sure he was going to go to bed as I heard him doing my meds. I said I’m going to bed and he stayed up.

is it me, is it all just in my head

OP posts:
LVhandbagsatdawn · 21/01/2026 13:19

No this isn't gaslighting.

He's just stubborn and contrary for the sake of it.

ValidPistachio · 21/01/2026 13:20

No, that's not gaslighting, that's just being argumentative and talking shite to wind you up.

CraftyMintHedgehog · 21/01/2026 13:22

Why are you asking him if he got a heater out when you already know he did? Therefore he gave you a sarcastic answer.

This is nothing like gaslighting.

IamSmarticus · 21/01/2026 13:25

It isn't gaslighting, he's just a knob.

Lonely12 · 21/01/2026 13:30

CraftyMintHedgehog · 21/01/2026 13:22

Why are you asking him if he got a heater out when you already know he did? Therefore he gave you a sarcastic answer.

This is nothing like gaslighting.

I didn’t know he had got the heater out. I hadn’t been in the living room as just got home.

OP posts:
Lonely12 · 21/01/2026 13:32

Thank you everyone for the replies.

OP posts:
ScabbyHorse · 21/01/2026 13:46

He is disrespectful and dismissive of you. That’s enough to leave the relationship in my opinion.

Notdanishsusan · 21/01/2026 13:53

If it’s making you miserable and affecting your mental health, it doesn’t need a label - it’s not working and that’s enough.

But I remember your last thread and some of your examples do sound slightly unusual and complex, like the pan. Are you not able to make the decision that the pan needs to go?

BetterOffNow · 21/01/2026 13:59

His behaviour doesn't need a label, but if you're not happy then it's wrong for you and the relationship either needs resolving or ending.

Zanatdy · 27/01/2026 05:19

He’s an arse and wants to argue black is white, just for the hell of it. It’s not winter in January, he knows full well it is. I couldn’t be with someone like this. Does he have any decent qualities?

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