To ask if you were told you had 12 months to live

[Kongking12]

What would be the things you would want to do...

Realistic things you can afford, people you would want to see, experiences, places etc

Would you keep working to keep normality? If you were able to make peace with it would you spend time preparing spiritually in some way?

This happened to DH. He wanted to live relatively normally, spending time with friends & family and doing the things he enjoyed. He didn't have any bucket list type stuff, he felt he'd had a wonderful life anyway without rushing around doing stuff. He wasn't spiritual but did spend time planning his funeral & getting finances in order.

I have two very young children so if God forbid this were to happen to me today I would be done with work as of right now and would just want to spend every single day I have left with my babies. I don’t care about exotic trips, fancy dinners, I would just want to give them all of the time I have left.

I'm sorry for your loss.

He sounds wonderful and wise to not spend it rushing around I agree. How did all of his friends and family handle the situation can I ask?

What I can say from experience is that there are several different threads to this. My wife was given longer, but still a finite period and the initial reaction is quite different to what reality dictates. Bills still need to be paid etc etc.

If a person had no dependents, they might think "sod the consequences", but even with just the two of us, we just had to make the most of the time we had remaining. We did as many holidays as we were able, and as many other nice things as we could, but the reality was that we didn't do enough. At least, that is what I think. I am only just appreciating a) how ill she felt, and b) what kind of mental load there is knowing that there is an unreasonably short time remaining.

It sucked for me, so I can't begin to imagine how it was for her.

For my part, I changed career in order to free up time and spend every moment I could with her, support her through hospital appointments and generally just cuddle her.

It was and is all very surreal.

If I had my time again, and could not change the circumstances, I would have told her more how special she was to me and how my life was immeasurably better because she was in it. That is worth more than any material things we could have done.

I don’t have 12 months but I do have a degenerative potentially life limiting condition. I am trying to do as many fun things with my dc (13 and 22) as I can so they have lots of things to laugh about when they remember me in the future. I have spent a lot on holidays (using some credit) and in the last couple of years we’ve done some really nice 5 star holidays. This year we’re off to Disneyland Paris which may seem a little odd to many but I think it will be fun for them to look back on. I never know how my health is going to be day to day so it’s all a gamble in terms of even being able to go (!), I’ve been in hospital twice with severe issues in the last couple of months but I just have to hope for the best. Apart from that I just eat what I like, try and enjoy the small things. Couldn’t give a flying f about anything spiritual. Don’t believe in any of that.

How beautiful, thank you for sharing that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Nothing special. I would probably leave work but otherwise just pottering about and spend a bit more time with my loved ones

Would stop working. Get all my affairs in order, clear my stuff, organize my funeral. Spend as much time as possible with my family, friends and dog. A little travel.

I think because he was very open & pragmatic about it, it was easier for everyone else.
He would say he wasn't brave because he had no choice, but he was & I miss him enormously.

I would plan a family holiday and break the news at the end.

Assuming I would be well for the 12 months, which is unlikely in this scenario, I would quit work, travel somewhere new and exiting - maybe the Canadian Rockies and somewhere sentimental and familiar. Go to lots of shows and gigs, spend time with loved ones, maybe attempt some sort of autobiography for them. Try to catch up with old friends. Do the things I like locally and keep up with those newer friends. Spirituality - I don’t know. Spend time in nature and possibly in churches and cathedrals too. Light candles and try to find some faith in something greater than myself and some peace. Probably read a lot of books on the subject.

I'd give 95% of my money away to my immediately family I wouldnt need it so I'd rather give it away and maybe see some of the good things they would do with it in the year I had keft.

As someone living with type 2 diabetes, and taking the dietary advice seriously, I would eat cake.
I’m retired anyway, but committed to weekly attendance for hobbies which I would probably roll back in favour of taking holidays with family & friends.
I’d get my affairs in order.

My dad and his wife drank all the good wine they had under the stairs.

He did some clearing out of crap and saw some more of us but in the end he was just very ill for the 6 months he had. We all wished he had less time and that death had been quicker and kinder.

This hasn’t happened to me yet but I expect the news to come soon given the trajectory of my illness.

I am young and have pre-teen children. I have no bucket list, I just want to spend as much time with my family as possible, in whatever ways I can manage. If we manage some more holidays wonderful, but if we spend the next 12 months having cuddles in front of the TV or playing games and local walks then that is also wonderful.

My husband and I have talked about my life expectancy, and we have agreed that all
of us are only certain of having today so every morning we wake up grateful for another day together and choose to love each other fully. It’s amazing how many of the little niggles we’d once bicker over now just pass us by.

I’d love to continue to work, but very reduced hours, however I can’t see that this will ever be possible for me again.

Our close friends who can see where this is heading have been much more open about telling us they love us, and I’ve found myself telling people more explicitly what I like/admire/love about them. Not gushy or overwhelming but just sprinkled into conversation.

Unfortunately I think few people who receive this news are well enough for big trips/adventures.

The reality of a terminal diagnosis is often rapidly failing health so the option to get out and enjoy your life is just not an option.

When my DM was diagnosed terminal she just wanted to spend time with us talking and reassuring herself that we had accepted that her life was ending. Some well meaning friends suggested a bucket list but she always maintained that rushing around doing stuff that she probably wouldn’t have done without the terminal diagnosis was pointless.

What she did do was make it easy and normal. She had a few regrets but they were mainly to do with family stuff that she would not be there for, but then she argued that they may never happen so it was pointless mourning something that may never be. Mostly it was the tangible thing, the books she wouldn’t get to read or live music she hadn’t had the opportunity to enjoy, she was an opera buff. But would make do with the many recordings she had.

My DSis didn’t have the opportunity to make a wish list. By the time she was diagnosed she was 3weeks from dying. But we dropped everything and moved into the hospice with her so that one of us (2 sisters and her DH, she had no children) were always with her. She had lived a full life and travelled all over the world, had lots of adventures and taken every opportunity she was given.

I don’t think you should wait until it’s necessary to make a bucket list, it’s often too late by then. Embrace every opportunity when it presents itself and not look for excuses. But at the same time just living life day to day doesn’t have to be packed with activity, just being can often be just as fulfilling.

I am a cancer survivor, it doesn’t mean I’ve been given a second chance and I don’t feel I need to spend the rest of my days packing in lots of adventures. At the moment I’m waiting for my DH to have a knee replacement until then we are unable to do the stuff we have always enjoyed. Mostly country walks, visiting historic sites and basically just taking in our surroundings. We’ve done the travelling, the sport and much more but we miss just being able to wander round an antique fair of go to the cinema because walking is so difficult for DH. I can do things on my own and do, but I hate leaving him behind. Hopefully by the summer he will be back on his feet and life can return to his it was.

Cancer has taught me to enjoy just being here. Waking up every morning is a bonus but most of all I no longer feel guilty about doing nothing. I spent a lifetime trying to fit in so much but actually, now I’m retired I realise that it’s ok just to stop and smell the roses.

I had a cancer scare recently and it made me think about this a lot. On the one hand, I’d obviously want to give up my job, spend all that time with my child and do things on my bucket list. But at the same time, life will go on when I’m gone for my husband and child.

Leaving my job would make things really tough financially. Spending the savings on multiple trips of a lifetime would leave them in a precarious position. Getting my son used to spending every day with me and taking him out of his nursery routine and away from his friends, would make it harder when I’m gone and he has to go back.

I think ultimately, I would keep life to stay the same but I’d want to just make the most of the time with my husband and son. Cut my working hours down at some point and maybe do one memory making trip. But ultimately just enjoy my loved ones and know I was leaving them in the best possible position, memory wise and also security wise.

I don’t think you should wait until it’s necessary to make a bucket list, it’s often too late by then. Embrace every opportunity when it presents itself and not look for excuses. But at the same time just living life day to day doesn’t have to be packed with activity, just being can often be just as fulfilling.

As my husband's health and strength are failing, we are grateful for the years we've had together and the things we have done.
Too late for new adventures now

I think in reality, it will depend on a) your finances and b) your health.

Not many people who are still at work would be able to afford to just give up work. Obviously you will have to when you have to due to health, but it wouldn't be possible for most people to.
Most people I know who have been given notice they only have a limited time left, aren't generally healthy enough to go off doing too much anyway.

I would like to hope if it happened to me or dh, that we would spend time making sure all our finances and paperwork (esp wills) were in order and up to date, and then prepared lists and spreadsheets so that the executors had an easy job. I'd like to think I'd do the same with decluttering, but don't know that I'd be so good at that side.

Why are you asking?
if you want real life experiences to help with your situation I might be able to help. I was diagnosed with advanced cancer 18 months ago, and was told my life expectancy would be about 12-18 months. Well here we are 18 months later. It’s horrific. Time both stands still and speeds up at the same time.