To worry about DH’s declining relationship with DD?

[WindyStroller]

DH and I have a 6 year old daughter. DH is a good dad, shares the parenting and household responsibilities equally, so no issue there.

Over the last year, DD has very clearly expressed a strong preference for me, especially at bedtime. We’ve pushed back and made it clear that DH does bath and bed with her sometimes, and she tolerates it, but she she spends a lot of it making it very clear to DH that I’m better at it and that she’d prefer me to do it.

I know DH feels rejected by this but so far he’s been pragmatic about it, and gets that’s just the way kids are sometimes. However, it seems to be escalating. There are times when she’s downright rude and horrible to DH - telling him to shut up and go away, and that she wished it was just her and me. We always pull her up on this but it keeps on happening. It’s also extending to other scenarios outside of bath and bedtime.

The reason I’m concerned is that it’s now having a detrimental impact on DH. He quite visibly doesn’t look forward to his nights doing the bedtime routine, and I’ve noticed less enthusiasm to do stuff with her. He used to be brilliant at playing and activities and he instigates far less than he used to.

He has a day with her the weekend after next when I’m away and he confessed yesterday that he wasn’t looking forward to it. He also used to take her for days out but he’s said they’ll stay at home for this one. He just seems to have lost the eagerness about being daddy and the energy for it that he used to have.

I really don’t know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions?

Why don't you ask her what it is that you do that he doesn't at bath and bedtime which she thinks is better?

Poor DH. It sounds really miserable for him and he is probably feeling very rejected. You're doing the right thing by presenting a united front. Keep reassuring him re how fickle children can be etc. Talk enthusiastically and positively about the time and activities they'll have together.

It seems a real shame that they're staying at home for the day when you're away. Isn't it an opportunity for him to sell the daddy brand? The two of them could plan a fun day out together, including her favourite food and choosing a toy. Six year olds are open to bribery!

Apart from that, it's just a question of reminding him that this is a normal phase and it won't last forever.

Maybe she's feeling self conscious about her body? Could he do other things with her in the day?

My 2 were a bit the same. We just persevered and now it’s completely stopped. We tried a few things, like asking them how they would feel in the same situation (ie if mum obviously preferred a sibling etc). Threatened no night time story at all unless she stopped being rude to dad etc. Also he was just much more fun than me - plus longer stories etc

I'd guess she's picking up on his waning enthusiasm and feeling anxious that he doesn't like her anymore. Imagine being six and feeling like you have the power to make your parent not love you! Probably the best reaction on his part is to be OTT affectionate and loving to reassure her that her words don't have that much power. Express curiosity about why she's saying those things, but don't overreact. I've been through this with my eldest who had a long daddy phase and now a couple of years later we're really close.

This was the reverse when my DD was 6, she had a strong preference for DH and it was so upsetting for me. It lasted quite a long time but she came through it, though she’s still a daddy’s girl. I’ll admit that I snapped a few times.

I can’t remember what we did exactly. I think we just kept plodding along and eventually our relationship improved and she came out of the phase.