Regretting buying a bigger house in a not so nice area

[Cashmeresocksandpjs]

DH & I weren’t able to afford a house in the town we grew up in so we moved about 20 mins away to a not so nice area but we got a lot more for our money.

We’ve since had a child and now that decisions around schools are looming, I’m starting to massively regret our decision. Every time I walk past the school gates at pick up time, it’s just full of mums in their pajamas puffing away on their vapes and the language I hear from children in the park from this school is shocking ! We spend all our time going back to the town we grew up in for all our toddler classes etc.

I know I sound like an awful snob and I’m going to get flamed for this but i just can’t help but worry for my little one. There’s nothing we can do as we can’t afford to move back so there’s no point to this thread really but I’m just so cross at my past self for choosing the house over area.

Choose a school 20 minutes away then?

@ThejoyofNC the schools are always over subscribed so I don’t think we’d even have chance of being considered

Just choose better schools further away,

Hi OP, as hard as it is, you will need to put your prejudices aside. There will be a range of children from different backgrounds in schools.
Most people I know were unable to buy in the area we grew up in.
All will be OK

You can apply to your preferred school and get on the waiting list. Your child might start in the school you don’t like but you will get the place after a child drops out.
This worked for me.

Get involved with things locally, you will find decent people and it will help DD make more friends. Fine stuff to make the area better, get involved in the project, people might look a certain way but be great. My DC went to what was thought of as the rough school, don't get me wrong.It had its moments, but there were loads of nice kids and nice people in it.

I’m in a similar situation. We’ve chosen a school further away- we’ll find out in January whether we get in or not

Buy a smaller house in the area you actually like, in the catchment for good schools. Get rid of all possessions you don't ctually need or love.

A well designed small home in a lovely area where the schools are great is priceless. They get one chance at education. I wouldn't send my DC to a school where the parents shuffled around in pyjamas.

There will be a range of kids and it’s good for everyone to meet and learn to play/work/live with people from all sorts of backgrounds. Primaries usually do well with their mixed catchments- my dd went to. A brilliant school in a very socially mixed area and it served her fantastically well.

I’d save your worries for secondary school tbh.

Our school has those mums. You see them because they hang around get there really
early for their vapes shit chats.

The rest of us arrive on time and avoid them. School results are good despite the pj smoke group.

Can you not downsize and move to a nicer area?

There’s nothing snobby about not wanting to live in a rough area with swearing, crime (i’m assuming) and lots of people who don’t work. I’m going to assume there are increased behaviour issues in the school too.

I’d much rather have the kids share a room and l live in a nice area, than have more space and hate where I live.

Short term, as per PPs above - apply to 'better' schools further away if you like but be prepared to start at the local and when you do, get stuck in - you might find a few PLUs.
Longer term, look ahead, what will be the secondary school options? That might actually be a reason to prepare to move house in the next 5 years ... or not - perhaps they all wind up at the same secondary so the point is moot?

Also, there's lots of research to show that it is the pupil's motivation and the parents' support that have the greatest impact on success at school. @Tableforjoan has a good comment on this.

Define can't afford to move back?

Could you sell and rent? But something much smaller? But something that needs a lot of work?

You need to decide what is important.

If you've been to groups 20 mins away then perhaps you have not had chance to meet any local nice non vaping mums? See if your local library has a group.

One of my friends moved house just for secondary school catchment!

I’d move. Smaller house in your preferred area if possible.

Not sure about the vaping, but maybe these pj people actually wfh and can’t see the point in getting dressed to do a quick school run and then back home to work.

I wfh and have been known to drive kids to school in my pjs fairly frequently but I’d never step outside the car in them. Others may do though as they may not care what passerby’s think of them.

Quite a leap really, isn't it? We're poor, we vape, we must be criminals. Jesus.

Do you work?

Easy to say but I assume they can’t afford to move again after paying a massive stamp duty.

OP, try not to worry. Firstly, is the school rated badly by Ofsted and by the parents of the kids who go there? If people generally speak well of the school and/or it has a decent OFSTED report then I’m sure your dc will be fine. Also, you’re going to get a mix of people wherever you send your dc. So it’s going to be hard to avoid people like the ones you describe no matter where you send dc.

My ds goes to a local school just like the one you describe and it has been amazing for him. It’s the school that everyone in my town turns their nose up at because of its catchment. I actually moved him to this school in Year 1 after he struggled to settle into his previous school. I looked around three schools and as soon as I viewed this one I knew it was the right environment for him…and I wasn’t wrong. The school is so attentive to the children and nurturing, and my ds has made friends with some lovely kids.

Find out about this school and others close to you, visit them, and make a judgement on the actual environment, rather than on who is waiting to collect their children.

Those middle class schools will simply swap vaping pyjama parents for range rover waitrose bitches and rough swearing children for gently parented entitled little shits!

Well... if we're using our imagination to determine stereotypes that is.

Sell and rent to possibly avoid chavs... Shittest advice ever.

Have you looked into the schools performance? Judge how good they are on that, rather than the mum’s you see outside.

Why? Surely it depends what is more important to an individual? Big house that you own vs the right primary school for your child.

You might not do that but others might. I would.

So it might be shitty to you but not to me or potentially others.

What kind of house could you afford in your home town? If it’s a complete no go to sell and move then I’d throw myself into the area. Stop driving 20 mins to attend parent groups and go to local ones. All areas are mixed to some extent, the school and area can’t be a complete ghetto. It sounds like you haven’t really given it or the people a chance.

We did the same thing as you, mainly to get on the property ladder. We couldn’t afford to move back to our home town so we settled in our current town. We applied to put DS in a lovely village school on the outskirts about 10-15 mins away and we managed to get him in despite it not being in our catchment!

Maybe have a little see if there’s any nice village schools near you if you’re able to drive on the school runs etc.