Sahm - nursery once/twice a week?

sharkstale · 2026-01-20T14:12:26+00:00

Absolutely knackered - one year in now and worrying the depression is starting to sink in like it did with my first. Baby is a dreadful sleeper, wakes every hour, sometimes more. Don't get out much in the day anymore as I'm so tired and focused on trying to get him to nap (also a terrible napper) so I can get some kind of break. When I have made plans recently with other baby mums, he hasn't napped on time so I've cancelled. The first few months went surprisingly well and I thought this time would be different, but I fear it's now going to same way and I ended up very unhappy until my DD started school and I got back into work. I'm so tired, need a break, something for me outside of the daily slog. Don't get me wrong I love my son more than life, it's just so relentless. Sorry for the rant. I didn't want to put him in nursery so young, probably just being irrational tbh because I can't really pinpoint why. Just the 'what ifs' I suppose. He wouldn't be going for any real reason other than to give me a break sometimes. Obviously I know it will be beneficial for him in many ways too. He's a very sociable baby and loves other children. Wibu? Would you do one day, two days, or 2 afternoons at his age (almost 1)? Tia

Thehop · 20/01/2026 14:16

I would say there's nothing wrong AT ALL with letting have some time in nursery to give you a break. You can't pour from an empty cup.

I will warn though that it may be hard to find a place for those hours. We don't offer one day a week as they struggle so much to settle and would only sell a minimum of 2 days.....just something to keep in mind. of course nurseries near you may be different and it's definitely worth visiting!

good luck, it's so hard this bit.

Original poster

sharkstale · 20/01/2026 14:19

Thehop · 20/01/2026 14:16

I would say there's nothing wrong AT ALL with letting have some time in nursery to give you a break. You can't pour from an empty cup.

I will warn though that it may be hard to find a place for those hours. We don't offer one day a week as they struggle so much to settle and would only sell a minimum of 2 days.....just something to keep in mind. of course nurseries near you may be different and it's definitely worth visiting!

good luck, it's so hard this bit.

Oh yes, I didn't consider this. That's a very good point. I think he would fair fine with 2 days, especially as it would help him settle in, as you say. I just have an irrational worry, which would probably subside once I bite the bullet and go for it tbh.

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NuffSaidSam · 20/01/2026 14:21

I'd do whatever works best for you. He isn't going to mind either way.

Is four half days a possibility instead of two full days? That will be easier for him (they settle better with more days) and good for you to have a few hours every day to sleep/chill/scream into a pillow.

Bitzee · 20/01/2026 14:23

If it were me then in the short term I’d probably put the money towards a sleep consultant rather than nursery. But if you did go down the nursery route you’re unlikely to get anywhere that will offer less than 2 days because it can be hard for them to settle when they go infrequently.

FerriswheelsKissesandLilacs · 20/01/2026 14:24

DD started nursery at 14 months and her development just went off like a rocket at that point. Maybe it was slightly different as she was a lock-down baby and so we had very little social interaction, but her speech and language, her independence and everything else accelerated massively. She loved nursery and was always excited to go. She is 100% extrovert and loves being surrounded by people. I didn't send her to nursery so I could work, I worked so I could send her to nursery.

Peonies12 · 20/01/2026 14:32

Mine started at 11 months and has done so well. Ours won’t do 1 day a week, you have to do at least two sessions. I would just say how much my mental health has improved since returning to work. Also, longer naps won’t make night sleep better necessarily. Look at the possums approach - it’s much better to get out and enjoy your day, and let baby nap on the go.

lizzohadsome · 20/01/2026 14:33

Would you consider a child minder

tombombaclot · 20/01/2026 14:33

I’m a SAHM, both mine started 2 mornings a week at 1.5, then 3 when they turn 2 and it’s been a god send. I rest half the time and get jobs done the other half. They absolutely love nursery too!

Original poster

sharkstale · 20/01/2026 14:35

Bitzee · 20/01/2026 14:23

If it were me then in the short term I’d probably put the money towards a sleep consultant rather than nursery. But if you did go down the nursery route you’re unlikely to get anywhere that will offer less than 2 days because it can be hard for them to settle when they go infrequently.

I don't believe he needs a sleep consultant, my dd was the same and started sleeping through when I stopped breastfeeding. I believe he'll be the same, I would like to stop soon tbh but my dd was a bit older (18m) and understood, he doesn't yet and he's a lot more demanding with it than she was so I think it could just make the nights worse right now.

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Original poster

sharkstale · 20/01/2026 14:36

lizzohadsome · 20/01/2026 14:33

Would you consider a child minder

I think I would prefer a nursery setting tbh

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GiantYorkshirePud · 20/01/2026 14:37

No advice but currently in the exact same situation, at breaking point as 11 month old DD’s sleep has gone to pot again… ☹️

Feel so guilty for wanting a break, but you cant pour from an empty pot. Healthy happy mum = healthy happy baby.

Going to give it one more month of getting her sleep back on track before I make a final decision.

Original poster

sharkstale · 20/01/2026 14:38

Peonies12 · 20/01/2026 14:32

Mine started at 11 months and has done so well. Ours won’t do 1 day a week, you have to do at least two sessions. I would just say how much my mental health has improved since returning to work. Also, longer naps won’t make night sleep better necessarily. Look at the possums approach - it’s much better to get out and enjoy your day, and let baby nap on the go.

Thank you, I used to do this, but it's got to the point where I need the rest that much, that I don't want to spend it driving around. I've also started a course so benefit from his nap times as it's now also my study time

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Overthebow · 20/01/2026 14:42

2 days a week as he'll likely settle better.

sexnotgenders · 20/01/2026 14:51

I’m a SAHM and didn’t put either of mine in nursery until they were 2.5. That’s a personal choice though - I just think they’re too little before then. But when they started, I had no guilt about being at home while they were in a childcare setting, so don’t feel that just because you are a ‘stay at home’ parent you can’t use childcare.

From your OP though, it sounds like what you need more is to sort out your child’s sleep. Both of mine were breastfed and neither were waking on the hour (I raise that as it seems from your posts that you are resigned to this being a breastfeeding problem, when it really doesn’t have to be). I also wouldn’t cancel plans because of a failed nap, or spend all day in the house focused on getting a nap. It sounds like you are legitimately exhausted and worn down, but I wonder how much could actually be helped by some sleep help and taking the pressure off daytime napping

FerriswheelsKissesandLilacs · 20/01/2026 14:53

sharkstale · 20/01/2026 14:35

I don't believe he needs a sleep consultant, my dd was the same and started sleeping through when I stopped breastfeeding. I believe he'll be the same, I would like to stop soon tbh but my dd was a bit older (18m) and understood, he doesn't yet and he's a lot more demanding with it than she was so I think it could just make the nights worse right now.

Show quote history

A sleep consultant is just a person who has decided they are a sleep consultant and started trying to get people to pay them for it anyway.

Original poster

sharkstale · 20/01/2026 15:19

sexnotgenders · 20/01/2026 14:51

I’m a SAHM and didn’t put either of mine in nursery until they were 2.5. That’s a personal choice though - I just think they’re too little before then. But when they started, I had no guilt about being at home while they were in a childcare setting, so don’t feel that just because you are a ‘stay at home’ parent you can’t use childcare.

From your OP though, it sounds like what you need more is to sort out your child’s sleep. Both of mine were breastfed and neither were waking on the hour (I raise that as it seems from your posts that you are resigned to this being a breastfeeding problem, when it really doesn’t have to be). I also wouldn’t cancel plans because of a failed nap, or spend all day in the house focused on getting a nap. It sounds like you are legitimately exhausted and worn down, but I wonder how much could actually be helped by some sleep help and taking the pressure off daytime napping

Yes I agree, everything has become about his naps (because that's the only time I can catch a break, even just for 30 mins), I suppose I've become a bit one track minded with it and it's starting to make me feel depressed as he fights naps so much and doesn't stay asleep for long, so all the effort is wasted anyway really.
I have resigned it to a breastfeeding problem as each time he wakes, he won't go back to sleep without boob. I'd like to stop breastfeeding and break this habit, but I know it'll make nights harder in the meantime.

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noidea69 · 20/01/2026 15:21

Can you afford the cost of nursery? Puts quite an additional financial strain on the other parent.