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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am i being insecure/sensitive

10 replies

Picklepink · 20/01/2026 10:28

Ive been with my partner for 14 years off and on, we have one daughter together. Our whole relationship has been quite turbulent. Prior to meeting him, i feel i was a different person. Our relationship has trust issues, mainly due to him being an egoistic full of himself person when hes had a drink mainly. We have a female neighbour, who for years i haven been very good friends with. However, she has always been flirty around my husband and he has back, although he would never admit this.ive mentioned it a few times to him, only to be met with im jealous, insecure, pathetic. Last xmas, we were all having a few drinks, when she let slip in front of myself and partner, that she indeed has a soft spot for him and was subsequently trying to get him to stay for another drink. To the point, that her friend was telling her no, no more drinks and that we were all leaving. This clearly upset and annoyed me and i spoke to my partner about it the next day, which he states he did not remember and basically thought i was exaggerating/jealous etc. following on from this, i was really upset and felt quite betrayed by my friend/neighbour and our relationship literally changed overnight, where we didnt do much together as the trust was gone somehow. I felt quite hurt as this was also a friend who had previously supported me through a break up with my partner. Fast forward to the last few months and my partner has offered to lift share our children to a sports class. This upset me as we rarely bother with eachother, since that night. When i spoke to my partner about it, he said i was the problem for being pathetic and insecure and to get over it. Am i being too sensitive?? I feel humiliated and let down hy my partners response as he just doesnt get the concept of, why im hurt.

OP posts:
Cyclebabble · 20/01/2026 10:33

No I do not think you are being too sensitive. Does he have form for seeing other women? If so and this one has effectively told him she is up for it (drinks simply allow her to say stuff she might not when sober), he may soon be taking advantage. He has certainly took the opportunity extend contact. From an outsider's perspective he does not seem to respect you and it looks like he is trying to gaslight you into thinking your clear and reasonable expectations are wholly wrong. I am not one to say LTB, but you are worth more than this and I think deep down you probably know that?

ladyofshertonabbas · 20/01/2026 10:37

OP I would not want to live like this with a partner who's not quite straight with you. Life is too short.

takealettermsjones · 20/01/2026 10:38

She's not your friend. And he's not much of a partner, either.

I know it's not as easy as LTB when you have a child together, but I would not want to be with anyone who called me pathetic.

Wapentake · 20/01/2026 10:40

The neighbour is irrelevant. Why on earth have you wanted 14 years in an on and off relationship with someone who habitually mistreats you and has a drink problem?

Picklepink · 20/01/2026 10:43

Thank you for your reply. For context, i dont see a problem with giving the child a lift as it seems the right thing to do. However, under the circumstances i feel really let down and humiliated. My partner keeps saying im pathetic, its only a lift share. But i cant help but feel a bit of a laughing stock. I feel like he os totally dismissing my feelings and showing her its ok what she did.

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PollyBell · 20/01/2026 10:43

You dont respect t yourself so why would he respect you? He will treat you like a doormat because you let him, why are you so desperate for his attention?

Yes this is harsh, but being all fluffy about it wont make anyone listen

Picklepink · 20/01/2026 11:01

thank you for your replies. I know there is nothing going on between them, but the absolute deflection used
by my partner is really hurtful. When i try to explain how its made me feel, he says, theres been no issue for the past year, so why now? Whats the problem? Its only a lift share for a child etc. There has been no issue, because we dont have the friendship we did have since then and now very rarely do each other a favour as weve both pulled away, although still amicable and briefly chat every so often if we are both outside. He says, he didnt realise there was an ossue, as I havent mentioned anything for a year!!!

OP posts:
Picklepink · 20/01/2026 11:14

Edit- when i say last xmas it was a year ago, not this xmas

OP posts:
PeachyKoala · 20/01/2026 11:32

The way he speaks to you, name calling etc is unacceptable and has no place in a healthy relationship. OP you say you have a daughter together, what would you want for her in your situation? Would you want her to remain with a man who became verbally abusive when challenged?

Picklepink · 20/01/2026 11:51

No I dont want this for my daughter. We are in the process of separating as i feel i am never understood or listened to. This is a recent massive issue. He also says, that because i’ve been ok with her, amicable etc, that he didnt realise there was an issue still. I think it just shows how much he listens to me at all. Feel like i’m loosing my marbles always, so need some clarity as to whether i am or not. I think he genuinely sees me as so insecure, but its down to the lack of respect i feel. I told him how much it upset me and was disappointed about the friendship ending, to which he mocked me and said, it wasnt his fault as he didnt realise it hurt me so much,to get over it and he’s done the right thing offering to share lifts as they are kids.

OP posts:
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