To reward effort and hard work

[Abeela]

Four kids. DD14, DD13, DS9, DD6. DD13 is unashamedly lazy and has to be cajoled into everything - homework, exercise, basic chores, showering.

I went back to full time work when she started secondary and the youngest started school, and I don’t have time for the level of supervision she seems to need. But if I don’t bother her, she won’t do it?

AIBU to tie making an effort (doing homework without complaining, putting her clothes in the laundry basket, showering without being ordered) with reward (screen time, allowance, lifts and sleepovers)?

I would go for natural consequences - don’t do your homework - get in trouble at school.

Washing not in basket - no clean clothes.

I have tried this but she’s unbothered about wearing dirty clothes and about getting in trouble at school.

Her siblings are all naturally tidier, cleaner and easier to motivate.

I have a 5yo and a 3yo. My 5yo is also irritatingly lazy, but seemingly it's just who she is, as the 3yo is the complete opposite and wants to be involved in everything. I'm trying really hard to train her while she's still malleable by reacting quickly to her laziness and removing rewards. I think it's working, but she's also very stubborn so it's slow progress!

Yes, I think natural consequences is a better bet. Although I never had a problem getting mine to shower, the opposite in fact. One of them would spend ages in there, I had to ask her to cut down the extremely long showers she liked !

I feel like we’ve been trying to train DD13 for her whole life!

She’s always been pretty disinterested in anything that doesn’t involve her being bought stuff. The others have all got hobbies and sports and love doing them. DD13 would happily watch TV for all of her free time. It’s frustrating because I want her to have passions, a sense of achievement and to enjoy a fulfilling life, but she wants to do the bare minimum with everything. Sometimes I think it’s a way to get attention, but she consistently gets the most attention from me and DH, but it’s negative attention because we’re always nagging her to do basic tasks.