Detach from narcissist completely

[ThisCoralExpert]

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been through this or understand boundaries during separation.

My husband flirted with another woman. Right after that, he did it again. I asked him to stop going on lads trips because they’re a trigger for me and trust is broken. He refused and started blaming me, saying I’m controlling and that he’s still going on them regardless. Now he m*astabates in our room so I can hear him

At that point, I filed for divorce. We still own properties together, and for now we are still living under the same roof due to finances.

My question is about no contact vs grey rock in this situation:

Is it actually possible to give zero answers (complete silence) when they ask questions, try to provoke, or pull you into emotional conversations — while still living together?
Or is grey rock (brief, factual, emotionless responses only) more realistic?

I’m trying to protect my mental health and avoid being pulled back into circular arguments, guilt, or manipulation while the divorce is ongoing.

If you’ve done this while still sharing a house, how did you manage:

• meals / shared spaces
• questions and small talk
• logistics and property matters
• emotional pressure or baiting

What worked and what backfired? Not even sure what the AIBU is but I guess it’s is it possible to go full blown silent? We don’t have kids together but we both have kids from previous marriages

Any advice appreciated.

Nothing there to suggest he’s a narcissist but in answer to your questions;

1. eat at separate times or in separate rooms
2. questions via text (useful as a record). No small talk necessary
3. all via solicitors
4. grey rock and/or wear earbuds a lot. Podcasts are your new ally

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.

First comment I agree.

Total indifference is what you're aiming for. To be left alone. "No thank you" is my favourite phrase even with non narc people who piss me off.
Even when someone says "hi" and i don't like them, I literally say "no thank you". Even if it doesn't make sense 😂 the thank you softens the "no" 😂 sometimes they might bang on about something but silence is okay or at the end get up and say "i wish you/ all the best" and walk away. Life is too short to get dragged into any conversation you don't want. Good luck op!

I think it will be impossible to live like this. If he is as bad as you say he will deliberately provoke you - eat your food, leave a huge mess, etc. to force you to communicate with him.

Are any children living with you still? You cannot live like that with children in the house.

You need to find a way to move out. You say you have properties (plural) so is there an income that you could use to fund your own place?

How long do you envisage living like this? I don't think there's any way for it to not be uncomfortable and awkward at the very least. Especially if you think he is going to try and start discussions/arguments with you. Of course you can say 'I'm not discussing this with you, you'll need to go through your solicitor' but there's nothing to stop him carrying on or following you about.

I've been through similar when I ended up living with my ex for longer than expected because of delays when I bought a house. It had a massive impact on my mental health and took a while to get over, so if you can possibly live somewhere else, I would go.

Smile and nod was my main approach. I avoided antagonising him, and I pretended everything was bright and breezy so he'd leave me alone. I did more than my fair share of housework and cooking to keep the peace, knowing it was only temporary. I know this would be a step too far for most people, but at the time, I couldn't afford to rent, so I sucked it up while wanting to kill him. Fortunately he was out a lot and I got good at zoning him out, especially with noise-cancelling earphones.

If you're stuck there, ignore anything he's doing to deliberately wind you up, as he's looking for a reaction. That said, if he's determined to create conflict and disrespect you, it could become unbearable.

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins is a useful concept for setting boundaries and focusing on your own agenda rather than getting caught up in other people's drama.