Page 2 | Squirrelling away money

Berrybutler · 2026-01-18T21:35:28+00:00

How does one go about “squirrelling away” money? Heading for divorce from cheating husband. Have been SAHM for the last 10 years and will be responsible for all childcare. Will get some money from STBXH but not enough really to see me through whilst I figure out my future job options. ‘We’ have a modest amount of savings here and there totalling around £15k but only I have access to the accounts the money sits in. When people say to start ^squirrelling away^ money, what do they mean by that? Do I need to start taking cash out and stashing it somewhere? TIA for any advice.

zipadeeday · 19/01/2026 14:09

Save money if you want but obviously you will have to declare it when you fill in your financial forms whether it's in cash or in a savings account.

Pinkertoner · 19/01/2026 14:09

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:05

1 DC who will start secondary school later this year, so probably a bit old for holiday clubs (and never been to them before) but too young minded to spend time home alone.

We have a joint account which we both have access to and his wages go into.
I have a few other accounts:

my current account with £2k which has been in there like the for years (he probably thinks that account is empty)
a joint savings which we try to put £500 a month in, but it’s currently only got £4k (that £500 comes from his monthly wages) He knows we have the account but doesn’t have access to it and doesn’t know how much is in it
a savings account with £13k in which is “ours” for whatever needed for, but currently no intentions for. That never gets added to. That started at around £200k after I was given an insurance payout and over the years it’s been used for home improvements and holidays, all joint stuff. He knows roughly how much is in there but can’t access it

Divorce is occurring due to years of multiple infidelities on his part that I’ve recently found out about.
I was supported in being a SAHM after a serious illness after DV was born, because he’d always take care of us and I’d retrain for a new career when DC a bit older. I was happy with this, as was he.
H now seemingly isn’t interested in making sure I’m OK financially and plans to give me the bare minimum. House would have to be sold and we’d each not be able to afford much. He’d be able to get a mortgage on a cheap new place and still afford to run it and offer DC ‘extras’ that I won’t be able to afford.
I will be the main caregiver as H works full time and away a lot. He could commit to weekends and I think he will want a shared custody arrangement to minimise payments to me, but in reality wouldn’t be able to offer anything set, which would no doubt leave me picking up his slack, as obviously I would do that before I’d leave my DC with no childcare. DC is going to want to be with me as much as possible anyway, so it’s all going to be very difficult.

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DC doesn’t realistically need any ‘childcare’ between the hours of 8-6 Monday to Friday if they’re at secondary. They probably haven’t needed it for a while. Why haven’t you started working yet?

Original poster

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:10

FerrisWheelsandLilacs · 19/01/2026 13:49

Then you say you were taking it out to have savings in your own name and show them it’s now all in a different bank account? Or are you trying to hide the money during the divorce too?

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TBH and I will probably get flamed here, I want to keep what I’ve got in savings for myself, as much as I can. He doesn’t know a lot of what’s there so wouldn’t know if disappeared.
He will have a strong income going forward which I won’t have due to the shared decision for me to be a SAHP until DC a bit older. Wha was not a shared decision however was for him to be an adulterer and fuck the marriage up!
Before anyone tells me how stupid I am for not having an income all those years, believe me I know, but that can only help me with future decisions, not past ones.

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Original poster

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:12

Pinkertoner · 19/01/2026 14:09

DC doesn’t realistically need any ‘childcare’ between the hours of 8-6 Monday to Friday if they’re at secondary. They probably haven’t needed it for a while. Why haven’t you started working yet?

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Definitely does in the holidays, and too young minded to be left alone 3.30-6.00 at 10 yrs old.
I have been applying for jobs, but nothing has come of it yet. I’ll keep trying, don’t you worry.

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sunshine244 · 19/01/2026 14:17

When I was getting ready to end things with my abusive ex I didn't squirrel money. But I did overpay the energy bills so it was in credit in case he stopped paying. I bought sizes up for kids clothes before they were needed. Made sure car was full of fuel etc. All small things in the grader scale of finances but it made me feel a little more secure for the initial period.

Original poster

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:17

zipadeeday · 19/01/2026 14:09

Save money if you want but obviously you will have to declare it when you fill in your financial forms whether it's in cash or in a savings account.

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Don’t really if it’s cash though do I? He won’t know it’s gone anywhere if he didn’t know it was there in the first place. My only concern with that has been if my accounts are checked, and eg. my personal account had £2k in it for 10 years, then in a short space of time dwindled to a lot less as I’ve been taking £100 cash out here and there for a few months.

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ERthree · 19/01/2026 14:27

I had a good escape fund, some kept at work, some hidden at home. What i did do just before i threw him out was stock my cupboards especially with things that cost a lot, olive oil, spices etc. I had so many laundry products i could have started a laundrette. I also bought myself and the children new clothes especially the next winter coats and a few Christmas/birthday presents. Basically anything that costs money. It really helps with the transition. The gift cards you buy now will cover next Christmas.

zipadeeday · 19/01/2026 14:27

Well in theory your supposed to declare everything - not just the assets he knows about.

However, if you're talking about £2k I can't see it's gonna make much difference in the grand scheme of things. As another pp said, it's probably money you'll need to DO the break-up and get away. It'll be long spent by the time you have to complete the paperwork.

Original poster

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:29

zipadeeday · 19/01/2026 14:27

Well in theory your supposed to declare everything - not just the assets he knows about.

However, if you're talking about £2k I can't see it's gonna make much difference in the grand scheme of things. As another pp said, it's probably money you'll need to DO the break-up and get away. It'll be long spent by the time you have to complete the paperwork.

OK so I can spend saved or even shared saved money on the break-up? I wouldn’t have to share that money with him at the start of the process for him to use for his side of the break-up?
Although I guess quite a bit of it will need to be used for home improvements for the house to be in a more saleable condition. I was hoping to avoid having to spend it on anything like that though TBH, because I wanted to keep it for myself and DC and things we are going to need in the not too distant future.

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ComtesseDeSpair · 19/01/2026 14:45

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:29

OK so I can spend saved or even shared saved money on the break-up? I wouldn’t have to share that money with him at the start of the process for him to use for his side of the break-up?
Although I guess quite a bit of it will need to be used for home improvements for the house to be in a more saleable condition. I was hoping to avoid having to spend it on anything like that though TBH, because I wanted to keep it for myself and DC and things we are going to need in the not too distant future.

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You can both spend your own and marital money post separation. You should be able to demonstrate that the spending is proportionate and was for needs which required settling before the financial settlement - that you weren’t egregious or trying to spend down savings on things for yourself to avoid them being considered. Household bills for the house before it sells, clothes for the DC etc would be needs. You need to declare all your accounts - including ones you have which you think he doesn’t know about or doesn’t know you have money in.

When you say that divorce is impending: what stage are you actually at? Does he currently have no idea that this is your intention and how he’s going to respond and whether he’d agree for things like improvements to make the house more saleable would be necessary? As you’re co-owners of the marital home, any work on it should be by agreement. Without that, it’s more difficult to argue you should be compensated at financial settlement for it because you spent your own savings.

Jellybunny56 · 19/01/2026 14:46

Berrybutler · 19/01/2026 14:29

OK so I can spend saved or even shared saved money on the break-up? I wouldn’t have to share that money with him at the start of the process for him to use for his side of the break-up?
Although I guess quite a bit of it will need to be used for home improvements for the house to be in a more saleable condition. I was hoping to avoid having to spend it on anything like that though TBH, because I wanted to keep it for myself and DC and things we are going to need in the not too distant future.

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No you cannot spend all of shared savings, that will all be disclosed and he will get his % of it back out of your share of equity etc. Better for you short term to pay bills but you’re no better off in the long run.