Partner has his mum on life insurance - AIBU?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I am getting married soon, and just wanted to see if AIBU for this?

Partner and I both have life insurance policies. For now, mine is set to go to my child (with my mum as guardian if he is under 18) but I had told him this will be changing to reflect him as my new husband once we are married, with money being split between him and any children we have.

We are going to buy our first house not long after getting married, in which will obviously be both of us paying the mortgage.

When my partner told me his plans, he said he wanted to split his between me, any children and also his mother.

For reference, his mum has no mortgage as the house is paid off and children are all grown up (except 1 non verbal autistic son who will need life long care, that his sister is providing at the moment).

This is the first time I have heard anyone making such an arrangement and its took me back a bit.

I have explained to him, in the event he unexpectedly dies, or becomes ill and dies, he needs to look after his primary family first, so we have the means to pay for our house, and any children can maintain a good life. With the house we want etc, there is no way I could afford this on my wage alone, and it would have to be sold. Not to mention, next of kin (your spouse) will need to pay for funeral costs and clear any outstanding finance debts (car, agreements etc). I have tried explaining this is why people would designate their life insurance to their spouse and children, then perhaps leave some money from savings etc to gift to a mother etc.

He stills says he would put his mum down to receive a certain % of the insurance policy.

AIBU?

The thought of putting my mortgage free mum on mine never crossed my mind, and my only thought is keeping my primary family with a roof over their heads in the event that I would die.

Luckily, I have both a Junior ISA and also a separate savings account with me and my mum as guardians for both accounts, so he will have money put away for when he is 18/21 - we havent decided on the age when he can access yet.

I did a separate savings as you can only put a certain max amount per month in the Junior ISA. Basically, all his child maintenance from his dad, and about half of his DLA goes away per month for my son, so £400 per month.

when we took out our mortgage (many years ago) they offered life and critical illness insurances. When my DH got cancer the critical illness paid out (£50k). Then, when he died, the life insurance paid off the mortgage. See what insurances your mortgage provider offers.

Well that’s a drip-feed. I voted YANBU but would now change it to YABU.

Obviously his mum is equivalent to your child when calculating these things. Your child’s biological father is the one who has responsibility for the child.

I think your partner is actually being good to you doing as he proposes - there’s no reason for him to have life insurance at all if he has no children.

Have you actually asked him why he feels it is necessary to provide for his mother financially? Could it be linked to his brother's long term care?