To have negative feelings about visiting estranged dad

[Hospitalvisitguilt]

I live a long distance away from the hospital my Dad is in. He is v old with multiple conditions and has a cancer diagnosis from last year I was not informed about. He has decline treatment and has a palliative care plan in place for the cancer.

I have only had a call this week from another family member who has been fantastic and involved in supporting my Dad. It’s right they called me.

However I have mixed feelings, worry, sadness, annoyance and resentment.

My dad is a nice man, warm and calm to visit with always has been.

However my dad has been absent from my life following a divorce and had little contact. I initiated contact later as an adult and took my DC to visit on an irregular basis. He never contacted me though I knew I was welcome to visit. He was settled with a partner of 30 years who was also v nice.

But I’m upset as it’s now I am being contacted for the awful bits and Inhave to drop everything and do a long drive. I know this is the right thing to do in my head but I am not sure about all these emotions. I always knew I’d get a call. I also feel a kind of guilt for not being there.

AIBU for having negative feelings of resentment.

I'm sorry OP. Sounds tough. You wi have lots of emotions over the coming days, for the relationship you wished you had, for the dad you wanted but didn't get and for the man that he was, he sounds nice albeit distant.
You are not unreasonable to feel mixed on this. I'd say do drop everything and go though. You may regret it otherwise as it sounds like he is declining treatment and may not be with you for much longer.

Is he able to talk on the phone? Perhaps a phone call at first to check in and let him know you’re thinking of him is a way to make an effort without going too much out of your way.

If someone hasn’t made massive effort with you throughout their life, just because their life is now coming to an end it doesn’t mean you have to make lots of effort with them.

But if you don’t go and see him will that weigh heavily on you when he passes?

Yes struggling to give the support unconditionally but I need to do it for myself

I partly blame my DM too as she didn’t help over the years.