I think my husband has gone off me...

[Fortheloveofpurple]

I'm going to try and make this brief as I find the topic quite an embarrassing one and I don't have anyone in my circle of friends to ask but ...

My husband and I used to be really into each other and now it would appear he has gone off me. We have 2 young children and I don't have much time but we sit on the couch and watch TV together. Any time I have tried for us to be intimate he has made a comment and I've been put off (I told him this after he had done it a few times). He doesn't try.

What can I do? We've spoken about it. He says he prefers it when I initiate it and he doesn't think about it anymore which has made me feel very sad. I don't think he is attracted to me anymore :/.

We are Christians and divorce/separation isn't an option.

I'm hurt. Am I being unreasonable?

Have both of you considered going on a marriage course? My local church offers one. Maybe have a look at your local church? I dont have personal experience of the course, but have heard great things about it.

https://psandgs.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/3305972

How old are you both and what is the comment?

You can't do anything. You can't make someone like you or change their behaviour, or make someone make an effort in a marriage, you can only change your behaviour towards them. You can only ask him what is going on and to sort himself out, but there is no guarantee that he will do anything about it.

Marriage does take work but that means from both sides, it doesn't mean one person making an effort while the other person isn't bothered.

And regardless of religion, separation and divorce always has to be an option, otherwise people are just trapped.

OP your post makes me sad. Religion or not divorce should always be an option. Life is far too short to remain in an unsatisfying marriage. Obviously it should be a complete last step after exhausting all other avenues but please don't take it off the table entirely. I'd suggest couples counselling but maybe not one linked to the church.

I agree. Church marriage counselling will minimise your difficulties and force you to stay together. Secular couples therapy might help you get to the root of the issue. What comment does your husband make?

What comment does he make?

The lack of intimacy isn't so much of a problem, that varies in a marriage, but the real problem is the lack of communication between you about what's going on to cause this change.

Intimacy is not created in isolation when one person initiates sex. Intimacy is something that is built on shared experiences. If you don't have any time to spend together, go out of the house and have conversations that don't revolve around children, that's where intimacy is lost. Nobody can go from Channel four news to passionate sex.
You need to rebuild intimacy slowly by allowing you both time to be adults together.

I’m a Christian and I’m divorced. Remarried in church- there were no issues. What do you think would happen if you divorced?

What was the comment, OP?