Uncooperative co-parent

[opheliaki]

I’ve been trying to communicate with my ex about the best schedule for our 10 month old. We are in different states. I suggested somethings and he agreed to one of the schedules. 3 hours later he says I’m not being a decent person and I again asked him to send me something. We both have to compromise and find what best fits baby’s needs. He refused by saying he will not make a schedule. And I’m being unreasonable.

It depends on what schedule you have suggested

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Your child will need consistency through their life, the worst thing ever is for a child to be expecting to see daddy and he doesn't turn up. It may be necessary for your ex to move nearer you so that co-parenting is easier, it depends on how badly he wants to be part of your child's life.

As your child's mum, you get to decide when their absent father can see them, you're the child's primary carer and you are there for them 24/7.

Any arrangement you make has to be stuck to for your sake and for your child. Your ex has to take his responsibilities to his child seriously.

I'm sorry that this is going so badly already. Keep the door open where it is reasonable but if he can't agree any sort of reasonable schedule to see his own child then that child is probably better off not having them in their lives rather than constantly being disappointed.

Yanbu

Your child deserves the choice to make future plans like attending a party or going away on vacation with you without having to consider the possibility that dad might turn up.

It sounds like he should use the legal process if he thinks that you’re being unfair. Maybe they can make him realise what a reasonable schedule would look like.

All you can do is offer a sensible schedule in writing (email is timed, dated and accepted by the court). Don't tell your child, and you remove his power to disappoint.

If he agrees and shows up, great. If he doesn't arrive, who cares? Your dc is too small to miss him and you get on with your day. DO NOT wait around for him.

If he disagrees and doesn't suggest an alternative, that's not your problem. You get on with your day.

He is simply making himself irrelevant. I'm willing to bet he will have disappeared completely by your dc's second birthday.