I'm autistic so second guessing myself here.
The last few years have been a nightmare, I'm a single mum, ds’s dad died from suicide when ds was 2 and doesn't remember him at all. it was common he'd leave and we’d get back together a few weeks later, the night he died he sent me an abusive email and also left in his note it was my fault and I was going to keep ds from him, he'd never see him again and he couldn't live with that. I didn't say any of this btw.
It's been a difficult few years with ds, he came out as gay/bi at 12, I supported him but he seemed to change overnight, he was boy obsessed, mostly older boys but we had a good relationship i’d say, he would talk to me about his crushes and id remind him he was only young he didn't need to be in a relationship at his age, I also told him not to tell anyone from school his sexuality as I was worried about bullying.
At the end of year 8 we stopped being as close. He had an attitude, was moody, wouldn't do as he was told etc and this continued. Just before he turned 14, he told me he had a boyfriend and of course he was older. He was 15 and in year 10, I tried to be supportive but the boy seemed like trouble, and I was correct. He was constantly in trouble at school, fights etc, and just a general bully especially towards younger year's. I did let him come over for dinner at first but red flags also started to show as DS’s behaviour completely changed. He was getting detention and not doing his homework regularly. Vaping etc.
In the summer before year 10, DS saw his dads side of the family. They weren't previously involved and it was a mistake straight away as they showed him/told him about what the note included. DS previously didn't seem bothered about him not being here but after this our relationship got worse especially because it wasn't good to start with due to the bf.
He just pushed all boundaries and simply didn't care, I spoke to school and they weren't supportive. CAMHS have a referral but still no appt. He started refusing school, skipping school with the bf, he himself became a bully (with the boyfriend), and he was like a carbon copy of him. The relationship also seemed very toxic, the bf would call DS the f slur casually which is fine because he can use it but it just seemed abusive to me? DS had love bites on multiple occasions, he would block DS randomly which made him cry randomly. The worst one was he knocked DS’s phone out of his hands. He was also permanently excluded due to having drugs on him at this time. He tried to get DS to smoke with him and a few occasions he did. DS would tell me to “chill” etc
They had been on and off for over a year when they finally broke up last summer, DS had started to calm down a little but it didn't last and there back together, DS is back spending all his free time with the bf and friends. I'm worried as he has his GCSEs soon but he doesn't care. The BF failed all his and this is DS’s example. He can easily get 7s + but I worry he won't. He failed his mocks before xmas
Tomorrow is DS’s birthday he's 16, he got back today and the bf had given him his presents, a teddy bear, sweets, a book a note (ds won't let me read it)and a bracelet which they have matching according to DS. It seems a bit red flaggy to me.
DS insists he's changed and “sometimes he wasn't nice but he's nice all the time now” which if that's true It won't last for long. He wants the BF to stay over, at present he's banned from even coming here during the day. DS is now saying if I done let him he will refuse to go to school. In the past I've taken his phone etc but the bf gives him his old phone so they still message and I don't know where DS hides it.
Sorry this is long. AIBU to still say no?